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To not know whether to go on our holiday

(30 Posts)
poppetsocks Sat 23-Jul-16 14:20:46

My dad was diagnosed with cancer in Jan and has undergone 6months of chemo. A scan this week shows he still has cancer and he now has to go into hospital for a month for some very intense chemo. We are due to go away for 17days next week. It has been booked for months. My mum and dad are insisting we still go but I am so scared that something will happen while we're away. My husband has said we can cancel but then the dcs would be so upset ( my mum and dad have said not to tell them how bad it is yet so they don't worry) they do know grandad is very poorly but not about what has happened this week. My husband has also said he would be happy to take the dcs while I stay home but then I would worry about them. I was so looking forward to the holiday as its been a very stressfull year but now wish we hadn't booked it at all. I just don't know what to do.

Buggers Sat 23-Jul-16 14:28:24

Go on holiday. Your dad will be miserable if you don't go because of him, it's unlikely anything will happen whilst your away. Your dad will be so much happier knowning you and your children are having a lovely time instead of being at home constantly worrying. Take lots of photos so you can show him when you get back, maybe get dc to write him a postcard while your out there. Sorry your all going through thisflowers.

NeedACleverNN Sat 23-Jul-16 14:30:20

Go. Your dad would feel incredibly guilty if you stayed behind and disappointed his grand children.

If anything happens you can always come home

Artandco Sat 23-Jul-16 14:31:38

Go, if anything gets worse your mum can call and you can fly back early, leaving Dh to join with the children after.

Gizlotsmum Sat 23-Jul-16 14:32:39

Your dad has told you to go. I would go but have contingencies in place in case you needed to get home quickly... I'm sure you won't but that would put my mind at rest knowing I could get back if needed

Euphemia Sat 23-Jul-16 14:33:01

Go! I had this dilemma a few years ago, it was horrible but the right choice to go. I just made sure all the necessary insurance was in place.

PotteringAlong Sat 23-Jul-16 14:33:07

Go. What are you going to do at home?

OldBeanbagz Sat 23-Jul-16 14:37:36

Go on the holiday. Your parents want you to and it'll be a break for you during a stressful year. I don't know how old your DC are but will they suspect that it's serious if you cancel the holiday?

We were in the same position with my FIL 9 years ago. We chose to go ahead with our planned trip and we didn't regret the decision. It was a chance for us to get away from the misery that was cancer and there was nothing we could have done by staying at home. We kept in touch by Skype/email and had lots of photos to show him on our return.

Big hugs to you all at this difficult time.

LIZS Sat 23-Jul-16 14:38:12

Go. You don't know how the next few months will pan out . At least he'll be in hospital being treated while you are away. How far are you going? Do you have siblings or other relatives to support your dm?

wannabestressfree Sat 23-Jul-16 14:45:11

Speaking from someone in a similar state- I have secondaries....... GO!

ImperialBlether Sat 23-Jul-16 14:48:29

flowers for you, wannabestressfree. I didn't realise you'd been ill.

0nTheEdge Sat 23-Jul-16 14:48:57

I'd say go, keep in contact by phone/skype etc. and if they need you fly back (if possible).

Sn0tnose Sat 23-Jul-16 14:49:37

I think you should go, but do some flight research, upgrade your tickets if necessary, or build it into the budget so that you can get home immediately if you need to. I'd make my mum promise to tell me if it was looking like things weren't going well and I'd phone every day. I'd also see if there was anyone around who could drop everything and look after your mum until you could get there. It doesn't sound like anything is expected to happen if they're planning on admitting him for a month.

If you don't go, your DC are going to want to know why. You won't be able to do anything sat at home and you wouldn't be able to spend much time with him if he's an in-patient.

A friend of mine had a similar dilemma a couple of years ago. The parent in question pointed out that, yes, my friend wouldn't be there if they passed, but then she wouldn't be there if the parent passed in the middle of the night or while my friend was at work either, and a few extra hours in my friend's arrival wouldn't change anything. Very stoic was my friend's parent.

Hoping that this chemo does the trick. It's a bastard of a disease.

limitedperiodonly Sat 23-Jul-16 14:59:39

Go. I had the same thoughts when my dad was very ill with Alzheimer's. My mum told me to go. If he'd have been available for consultation he'd have said the same thing.

He died two months later and I got a call at work to say he'd taken a bad turn from pneumonia. I made it but my brother didn't. It didn't mean they loved each other any less.

Enjoy yourself and best wishes to your dad flowers

ExtraHotLatteToGo Sat 23-Jul-16 15:12:36

I'm sorry to hear about your Dad 💐 I hope this intense chemo sorts it out! Nasty bastard thing C 😡

Where are you going? If it's a very short flight I'd go, but if it's long haul I wouldn't.

If you do go, you need to speak to your mum and make sure she realises the damage it would do to your relationship with her if she isn't honest about his health while you're away. I know that sounds harsh, but she needs to understand that you'd rather come home if he starts to deteriorate in any way.

If you do go, keep in touch daily, but also try to enjoy the time with DH & the kids. It's OK to enjoy things - it doesn't mean you think any less of your Dad x

WoahSlowDown Sat 23-Jul-16 15:22:09

I might be tempted to tell DH to go without me if I thought he would enjoy himself. You would be able to have a break of sorts by using the time to hang out with your parents and perhaps you could do a few things to treat yourself such as seeing friends or whatever.

Depends on ages of your kids etc etc.

I think it's perfectly OK to go on holiday though. You can share photos with your dad practically real time.

Some people genuinely dont want people hanging around when they are ill.
Although I imagine you would be a great support for your Mum too.

Babyroobs Sat 23-Jul-16 15:27:29

I would go as long as your mum has support whilst you are away. Just make sure you have a back up plan in the unlikely event that you needed to rush back. Wishing your dad all the best.

poppetsocks Sat 23-Jul-16 15:55:35

Wow thankyou everyone so much for all the replies. wannabestressfree, I' m so sorry to hear of your situation, thank you too and I wish you all the best flowers I was awake most of the night thinking of it and have just dropped off. Just woken up and cant believe how many people have kindly responded. My Dc are 15 and 7 and they know he has cancer and is very poorly but not of this new development yet. I cant bring myself to tell them. I might tell my eldest soon as I think he would be cross if I left it. It seems that the thing to do is go. I will wait until I hear more on Tuesday (he needs tests to make sure he can have intense chemo) before I make a proper decision. I know my mum and dad really have been insisting I go and they do mean it. I just know I would feel so worried and guilty. I also do want to be with my mum to help and support her. My db lives quite close and will be around so she will have support. If I do decide to go I think the skyping thing would be a great idea! My dad loves anything like this and would love to see the kids. We are going to Spain so will make sure if I do go that there is a way to get back asap if anything bad were to happen. Cancer really is a hateful horrible disease. To anyone who is going through it or who has family going through this I wish you all the very best.

Artandco Sat 23-Jul-16 16:07:27

From Spain is fine. There are so many airports you can taxi or train to a further airport if needed

Peasandsweetcorn Sat 23-Jul-16 16:17:23

Sort out your phone package before you go as you can often add on a bundle so you pay a fixed price then for all the calls you make in a day. My parents were amazed at how attentive I was when on holiday & DF fell ill...and amused when I eventually confessed that it cost me £2 a day if I made any calls so, having called, I may as well have a natter & then call back again later in the day.

LauderSyme Sat 23-Jul-16 17:07:03

I'm sorry you and your family are going through this horrible time flowers All the very best to your father.
Go on holiday, keep in type via Skype, phone etc as much as you can and want, and have a tightly sewn up back-up plan for if you need to get home.
You need this holiday, it is a valuable chance to recharge your emotional and spiritual batteries, and make an investment in your emotional bank balance, so that you can draw on your resources and be more resilient if you face tough times ahead. I hope you won't of course.
It will be wonderfully enriching to spend quality time with your own family and it will make your parents happy to think of you enjoying yourselves, because that's what parents and grandparents want for us.
Your father will be in good hands. Try not to worry yourself sick about him while you are away, rather look after yourself, and determine that this will mean that you will return home replenished and feeling stronger for all of your sakes.

wannabestressfree Sat 23-Jul-16 18:11:38

I am ok :} thanks for the messages.

ErrolTheDragon Sat 23-Jul-16 18:43:32

Go, and don't feel guilty about it whatever happens. Enjoy the holiday with your children and DH, that's what any good parent would want you to do. We were in a somewhat similar situation with my MIL and the worst did happen - but we were in no doubt that we'd been right to go.


PNGirl Sat 23-Jul-16 19:14:24

From Spain you're likely to be able to get back on short notice via Easyjet, Jet2 or Ryanair so I would go.

tinyterrors Sat 23-Jul-16 20:34:41

Having been in a similar situation with my mum a few years ago I say go on your holiday. Use Skype / text / FB messenger to keep in touch with your parents.

Your dad wants you to have your holiday with your dcs so enjoy it as much as you can. Spain is easy enough to get home from quickly if needed.

I hope the treatment goes well for your dad and that it works. It's a horrible thing to see a loved one go through.

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