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How often do you forget to say please?

(57 Posts)
WanderingNotLost Sat 23-Jul-16 00:02:58

DP and I, at the end of a perfectly nice evening, are now going to sleep on a row. We were lying in bed listening to the radio, a song came on, I said "oh, I love this song, turn it up" to which he responded with "... please." It's not like I barked an order at him or said it in a rude way!
Last time it happened we were away for the weekend with his family, he was going up to get a drink at breakfast and I asked him if he could get me an orange juice. Exactly the same response from him, except that time it was in front of his whole family. I was so embarrassed.
I just feel really pissed off now. I forget to say please sometimes, it's hardly a bloody crime, and now he's gone and spoiled A nice evening because of it. I was happily snuggled on his chest, now I've got up and sat in the living room because it's wound me up that much I don't feel sleepy anymore.
Does anyone else do this? And it's your OH as much of a dick about it as mine??

FastWindow Sat 23-Jul-16 00:12:25

Does he think you're 5?

Actually to be more helpful, is there a large age gap?

If there is; he is being a dick, and treating you like a child, that he must educate.

If not, he's simply a mood killing dick. 'please' indeed.

For the next month, here's your attitude:

'Sex? Oh, you didn't say please. Never mind. '

WanderingNotLost Sat 23-Jul-16 00:15:39

He's 11 months older than me- I'm 30, he's 31. But he can be frequently patronising and act like he always knows better than I do.

FastWindow Sat 23-Jul-16 00:17:26

Any dc to speak of? His or yours?

WorraLiberty Sat 23-Jul-16 00:20:57

Honest answer is never.

I don't know why, it's just 'inbuilt' I suppose (weirdly inbuilt!)

I'll also hold my hands up and admit that it does grate on me irrationally when someone asks me for something/to do something and they don't say please blush

So I probably would have said the same as your DH. Not in an 'offended' way, but just the way that a sneeze or a fart is automatic - it slips out before I have a chance to think about it grin

Mind you, DH is the same and so are the kids so it doesn't tend to cause rows.

^^ That's not us being saintly or any such bollocks, it's just the (weird) way we are.

arethereanyleftatall Sat 23-Jul-16 00:21:43

Honestly? Never. And I'm so used to it, that it is really noticeable if ever it's missed off.

WanderingNotLost Sat 23-Jul-16 00:23:12

Nope, neither. No kids in his family either. He is the elder of two sons which might explain his superiority complex, but his DB is only 6 MOHs younger than me. His family were pretty hmm that he spoke to me like that, especially in front of them!

squoosh Sat 23-Jul-16 00:24:16

Well personally I'd find it a bit stilted and formal if my partner ended every simple question and request with a 'please'? Tone of voice is far more important.

WorraLiberty Sat 23-Jul-16 00:25:52

If he's frequently patronising and acts like he knows better than you, that's a completely different matter than expecting someone to use their manners.

No way could I live with a patronising twat.

lulucappuccino Sat 23-Jul-16 00:27:28

I'd always say "please" and would notice if my partner didn't. Familiarity shouldn't mean that you lose respect for each other.

WanderingNotLost Sat 23-Jul-16 00:29:37

squoosh that's how I feel about it too

squoosh Sat 23-Jul-16 00:30:21

I really don't think the OP was disrespecting her DP.

MrsTerryPratchett Sat 23-Jul-16 00:32:10

Depends. I would say, "pass the salt gorgeous" to DH and not include a please because it's implied. DD even says "there's a dear" because I must unknowingly say it! I think if you ask affectionately and politely, there is not necessarily a need.

Also, your DH sounds like a cunt.

Porg Sat 23-Jul-16 00:32:12

Very rarely to be honest. It was drummed into me as a small child and I am ultra aware with my own kids. That's why it sticks out like a sore thumb when my boss forgets hmm

FastWindow Sat 23-Jul-16 00:33:43

But you can phrase a request in such a way that 'please' is implied.

'oh, would you mind grabbing me a juice while you're there'

Seems reasonable between an established couple.

Me and dh, together 10 years: if he's in the kitchen and i cba to get up: ' Get me a juice wouldja? Orange, top shelf, cheers love'

If im in the kitchen, he never passes up the opportunity to request a cup of tea. 'stick the kettle on love, I'll make it' (that means can i make the tea)

Please? there are many ways to say please. After a while, please seems formal.

Alasalas2 Sat 23-Jul-16 00:34:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

squoosh Sat 23-Jul-16 00:35:29

If I was lying in the dark, resting against my partner's chest, having an intimate moment, I wouldn't necessarily feel that was a time for 'please', 'thank you' and 'I hope you mother is keeping well'.

NatureCreatesFreaks Sat 23-Jul-16 00:37:36

I think if there's over use of the word please then it loses all meaning.
I am polite but I don't always have to say please to be polite. Sometimes the way you ask is just as important. Such as 'may i have' rather than 'can i have' sounds much more polite.

WorraLiberty Sat 23-Jul-16 00:40:26

I think there's no right or wrong really here and I agree that tone of voice is everything.

That's not to say that always using the word please, makes for a 'formal' conversation though (again - tone of voice)

And nor is it to say that not using the word please is rude, if it's somehow implied in the tone of voice used.

I know exactly what I mean, but it's hard to put across when typing grin

BitOutOfPractice Sat 23-Jul-16 00:43:17

I agree that you can say "please" without saying the word

"Oh I love this song. Would you turn it up darling?"

Is much please-Ier than

"Turn it up!"

So without hearing your time it's hard to say.

Is there a big bavk-story op?

WanderingNotLost Sat 23-Jul-16 00:44:04

S'ok Worra, I think I know what you mean smile

I never say it in such a way that it makes it sound like an order. He got pissed off about the please thing once when I asked him to turn a song off on the radio- it was Dance With My Father by Luther Vandross and my Dad had died a few days before. But he still made a shitty comment about it.

LizardBreath Sat 23-Jul-16 00:44:22

I never ever forget, and I do notice if others don't say. I also would say something if there was a couple of occasions when someone didn't say it to me.

That sounds like I want a badge or something, but I massively notice that is allsmile

FastWindow Sat 23-Jul-16 00:44:31

I'm super polite, i can't not be. I'm all Ps and Qs to restaurant staff in fact anyone in any official capacity. That was my upbringing, and how i am.

But being told to say please in the way op described - both examples- would have me running for the hills.

FastWindow Sat 23-Jul-16 00:47:45

Wandering i think you know this man is not the prize he thinks he is.

He's not only condescending, he's deeply insensitive. Im so sorry.

squoosh Sat 23-Jul-16 00:48:25

it was Dance With My Father by Luther Vandross and my Dad had died a few days before. But he still made a shitty comment about it.

I'm sorry OP. Maybe he didn't recognise the song so didn't 'get' the significance?

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