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Wedding gift when not going to the wedding

(13 Posts)
notfornothing Fri 22-Jul-16 13:59:39

What's the done thing when not attending a wedding?
Do you still send a gift?
They don't have a list and have not said anything about money but I suspect money would be the preferred gift.
I have bought a silver wedgwood photo frame cheaply on ebay
Should i send cash as well?
How much?

KoalaDownUnder Fri 22-Jul-16 14:01:27

Gosh, don't stand cash as well. Why? confused
The frame with a nice card is perfect.

KoalaDownUnder Fri 22-Jul-16 14:01:39


notinagreatplace Fri 22-Jul-16 14:07:04

I didn’t think giving gifts if you weren’t going was the norm – unless it’s a very close friend. I think I probably would also if they’d attended my wedding and giving us a gift then.

When we got married – several people couldn’t make it and I think only one sent a gift.

MumOfTwoMasterOfNone Fri 22-Jul-16 14:07:35

I think if you're not attending, a nice photo frame is more than fine, but I suppose it depends on your relationship to the couple whether you wanted to give more? I would if it was someone extremely close e.g. Family/best friend but not otherwise but I'm no etiquette expert confused

DragonsEggsAreAllMine Fri 22-Jul-16 14:18:50

I don't send a gift if not attending, only of going to the actual ceremony itself. I'd send a card though.

reup Fri 22-Jul-16 14:19:43

My second cousin (who was organising the list) virtually demanded a present when her sister got married and I couldn't make it (they only gave about 3 weeks notice & it was half term and we'd already booked to go away). A year later neither turn up for my wedding with nit even a reason even though I gave them 3 months of notice. Did I get a present? Of course not.

My Dad always used to send presents if he couldn't attend a wedding , I haven't usually so maybe it was a traditional thing.

RuggerHug Fri 22-Jul-16 14:33:05

I only had this once and it was a close friend. I couldn't go to her wedding due to work and also if I went and gave no gift I would have gotten into debt due to when it was, transport, accommodation and all that. Sent a cash gift of as much as I could afford with a homemade card with their names and the date on it and have been ignored/shunned since. From now on I'll only send a card if not going so I think the frame gift is fine and they definitely shouldn't assume they're getting one from people not attending.

MumOfTwoMasterOfNone Fri 22-Jul-16 14:49:36

Rugger that's awful!! I would always much prefer something that had thought and effort. Trust me you're better off without people like that! If they were a close friend they would know your situation and be very grateful. My BF didn't want anything for a wedding present bless her! Of course I got her something though.

notfornothing Fri 22-Jul-16 15:06:48

Thanks for the replies !
I would consider her a close friend and was very sad that I wasn't able to go.
If I remember correctly they got us a joint card and a cash gift of about £20 each...
I remember i was actually a bit disappointed with the joint card as I thought that's something you do for work colleagues maybe but not to a close friend.... Anyway I'm long over that.
But seems i will just send the frame and card.

ShotsFired Fri 22-Jul-16 15:14:58

As a suggestion, for the first wedding anniversary of a good friend of mine, I bought a nice frame and then paid to download one of the photos from her photographer (1st anniv - paper, photo is printed on paper smile).

She loved it and it's on her wall to this day. Cost me about £20 all in.
(And I went to her wedding as well)

happyhearts7 Fri 22-Jul-16 15:42:35

My little flowergirl (cousin's daughter) is getting married tomorrow and we've been invited but can't go because I've been/still am very ill. Tbh I'm completely devastated sad but I guess that's life!
Maybe it's because of who she is but we will still be giving her a present, more than likely it'll be money as that's what they've asked for!

expatinscotland Fri 22-Jul-16 16:37:11

Just give her the frame! Don't send money, too.

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