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Fuming!

(25 Posts)
Msqueen33 Fri 22-Jul-16 10:25:58

So husband has booked the week off work a miracle as he wasn't going to take it. He's now saying instead of going away we'll just do days out. Bear in mind most days out would be a two hour drive away (he's thinking chessington, Alton towers though how good that will be with an autistic three year old I don't know). We have this every year as he doesn't want to pay to stay in a house "because what we would actually do that different from being here" bearing in mind it'll be me in our house for six weeks and I'd quite like a change of scene. I'm not actually sure I can be bothered to argue this time round. The younger two both have autism and I could use a break away just doing something different. Both kids adapt to staying new places so it's not an issue. Am I wrong to be frankly so fucked off I feel I could smack him in the face?! He's saying we could do cinema days and the kids could see all the films they wanted but the youngest can't do the cinema as she won't sit so one of us would take the kids (daddy is current favourite) so I'd be stuck at home or could take the youngest somewhere but as she doesn't wear shoes that's quite tough.

JudyCoolibar Sat 23-Jul-16 09:35:36

I don't think you are wrong. The best holidays we have had have been in cottages somewhere where there is a lot to do within a short distance. When the children were small St Ives was ideal because there was so much within walking distance; the Isle of Wight was also good, if only because it is almost physically impossible to go for a long drive there. Can you push for something like that?

TheBakeryQueen Sat 23-Jul-16 09:43:49

Why don't you take the opportunity to have a break? Leave him with the children to entertain them on days out? If you can do it the rest of the 6 weeks then it should be manageable for him too?

It'll work wonders for his attitude I'm certain!

TheBakeryQueen Sat 23-Jul-16 09:45:45

I'm sure he'll love all those 2hr queues with young children in tow in this heat.

If he can't take on board your ideas then let him learn from experience.

Pearlman Sat 23-Jul-16 10:01:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DragonsEggsAreAllMine Sat 23-Jul-16 10:04:52

Surely you can talk about this as adults?

He shouldn't get to dictate but them neither should you. If he wants to stay home, book something on your own if that's your own preference and the pair of you can't compromise.

If you aren't in work then it's no issue time wise for you, I'd not want to spend five days precious leave being told how I'm spending it either.

TimeIhadaNameChange Sat 23-Jul-16 10:05:44

I agree with Bakery. Find a deal on lastminute.com and head away for a few days. Will do you the world of good.

featherpillow Sat 23-Jul-16 10:06:49

I agree with bakery. Could you get away yourself for a couple of days?
Or could you take the kids and leave him at home? Not ideal, but sounds like you might enjoy it better without him around.
What would DH say to that?

QuiteLikely5 Sat 23-Jul-16 10:09:05

Suggest a caravan holiday somewhere, preferably by the seaside - such a nice calming place for your DC

QuiteLikely5 Sat 23-Jul-16 10:09:39

Oh and do not give in to your dh regardless of his mood, just book it up

youarenotkiddingme Sat 23-Jul-16 10:10:00

I love the idea of him doing what he wants - days out with kids and you doing what you want - a few days away.

I'm sure he won't begrudge you it as you will be doing the rest of the weeks alone. wink

Euphemia Sat 23-Jul-16 10:11:34

My DH hates travelling so I take DD away by myself. No SN, so I'm not sure if this would work for you?

Pearlman Sat 23-Jul-16 10:19:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

niceday Sat 23-Jul-16 10:22:43

It's not his decision not to go that's most irritating. It's the helplessness you feel when communicating.
Why does he not understand you need a change of scenery? And 2 hour drive is boring and exhausting?

Do you know why exactly he doesn't want to go? What anchors him at home (Chessington isn't a natural choice for adults iyswim)?

Look at it not as a holiday issue, but as a communication one.

BastardGoDarkly Sat 23-Jul-16 10:35:43

Can you afford it? Does he have a point financially?

If not, he's being fucking unreasonable.

The trouble is for most men, they don't have the day to day responsibility of running the house. Its usually only the mum who appreciates the break more than anyone because they don't have to cook, shop and clean.

This is why I pull a sour face whenever DH suggests mumself-catering.

unlucky83 Sat 23-Jul-16 10:46:24

Might be a bit late to find somewhere -but I'd recommend a static caravan on a medium size park (not one of the big Haven type ones) -preferably one with a playpark and within a few hours drive of home. So if it is miserable you can just go home.
The great thing about a caravan (I discovered) is there is limited space and therefore a limit to how much mess young DCs can make. You can tidy up the whole place in 10 mins...
A cottage can be a bit like home from home - tidying one room whilst they mess up another...
Better than an hotel cos you can keep to your own timetable - no worries about housekeeping wanting to clean your room when you want to lounge in your PJs - or have to be at breakfast (dressed) by a certain time (unless you want to brave room service and with small DCs eating in your room = not a good idea ime) etc
One of the best holidays I've had since having DCs was in a static caravan... I actually had time to read and not just at bedtime whilst falling asleep- I finished the book I'd taken and had to start on ones people had left behind ...

ExtraHotLatteToGo Sat 23-Jul-16 10:49:14

Book YOURSELF a week away & leave him to look after the kids on his 'staycation'. Twat.

KitKat1985 Sat 23-Jul-16 10:52:59

Could you compromise and go away for the weekend or something and then have some days out the rest of the week?

unlucky83 Sat 23-Jul-16 10:54:28

And yes you need to make it clear - it is no holiday for you doing trips from home - you will still be doing all the stuff you have to do in the house, surrounded by all the things you know need doing. Thinking I must tidy that toy cupboard out etc...
It would be like him going into work everyday but not needing to do any work...he couldn't get a mental break from it, would be constantly thinking about what he has to do...

Pearlman Sat 23-Jul-16 10:57:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Twowrongsdontmakearight Sat 23-Jul-16 11:01:32

I feel for you! We're not holidaying this year as DH was on a contract that might not have been renewed so we didn't dare. But I'm yearning to go somewhere.

DH isn't keen on spending money on hols at the best of times - he has no idea how much things cost!- so we've had some great times in October half term. Cottages are much cheaper then. One year we went to the Loire valley. It was almost off season, so places weren't crowded and the lovely 2 bed cottage was under £300, maybe closer to £250 for the week. Unfortunately it's 3-4 times that in August. We've also had great times in Northumberland and the Isle of Mull. Lots of castles and things to do that are much cheaper then theme parks.

If you can't persuade him for this week, why not plan for a week at half term.

Wdigin2this Sat 23-Jul-16 11:29:01

If he's adamant about not going away, book yourself a week somewhere nice with a friend. Or if you've nobody to go with, try a singles holiday,! You're obviously unhappy with the arrangements he has with his DC, are you sure you're not just unhappy with the marriage?

WrappedInABlankie Sat 23-Jul-16 11:30:10

Although I agree regarding staying somewhere else to do the same thing (I'm a SAHM and hate staying in someone else's house to do the same thing i'd do at home) He can't just tell you what you're going to be doing you need to agree.

OnGoldenPond Sat 23-Jul-16 11:53:57

Book a holiday yourself. If he doesn't like it he can stay at home.

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