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AIBU to expect a thank you for teacher gifts?

(400 Posts)
katydid2 Fri 22-Jul-16 09:52:00

Today is my son's last day at the nursery school where he has spent the past three years. Last week, I gave his teacher what I thought was a very generous thank you gift: a silver-plated picture frame, a voucher for a manicure and pedicure at an expensive spa near the school, and a heartfelt written note with a picture my son drew. I also gave the head teacher an expensive bottle of champagne and a Diptyque candle.

As it's my son's last year, I wanted to give the other teachers and teaching assistants a little gift as well, so I gave them each a goody bag filled with good chocolates, nice hand cream, and a card my son signed. I realised that my gifts were perhaps not the most original or exciting, but I wanted to give each teacher a little something.

Out of the 10 people to whom I gave gifts, two thanked me. The others, including my son's teacher and head teacher, have said not one single word. I don't expect a parade or applause, but a simple thank you would be nice. I don't even expect a hand-written thank-you note (though I always write them), but again some sort of acknowledgement would be nice.

We do live in a very affluent area, but we are not rich. I am a SAHM, we are saving to buy a house, and we spend most of our disposable income on our children's education. Perhaps the teachers are accustomed to getting more expensive gifts and were disappointed with my gifts!? I am genuinely baffled, bemused befuddled, and if I'm honest, very hurt. Am I being too sensitive?

Euphemia Fri 22-Jul-16 09:55:46

No - it's rude! They should definitely say thank you.

Did the child hand them the gift? Maybe they thought a thank you to the child was sufficient.

pudcat Fri 22-Jul-16 09:56:48

I cannot understand why you would spend all that money, BUT the teachers will be thinking that the gifts came from your child and will have thanked him when he handed them over.

PamBagnallsGotACollage Fri 22-Jul-16 09:56:50

Did they say thank you when you handed them to them? Is it a thank you, having opened the gifts that you're expecting now?

It would be courteous if that's the case and I would but maybe they feel an initial thank you was enough. Maybe they haven't opened them yet?

Whinyleonard Fri 22-Jul-16 09:58:38

I don't think that's supposed to be the motivation behind gift giving. My husband is a headmaster and he brings back loads at the end of term and had no idea who gave what until I made him keep a list. I then make thank you cards and try to mention the gift. He does appreciate the gifts but at the end of the academic year is usually to exhausted and then pissed in front of the sport in a darkened room for a few days to respond to anything. (then he gets 9 weeks paid holiday for which he received no sympathy)

I'm not sure AIBU is the best place for this. In a time where many mnetters are using food banks, this may not be well received. I would pull it if I were you and maybe put under education or chat.

HeadDreamer Fri 22-Jul-16 09:58:39

I wouldn't expect any thank you letter. Do you think they should be writing 30 thank you notes for their last few days of school? How about the head teacher? Surely a thank directly to the child when handing over the gift is enough? I see gifting as genuinely giving something and not to receive something in return.

RebeccaWithTheGoodHair Fri 22-Jul-16 09:59:28

Wow - your teachers might expect more than a Diptyque candle??? My own family would be lucky to get that off me for Christmas.

YANBU although possibly they thanked your DS instead?

DelphiniumBlue Fri 22-Jul-16 09:59:34

Maybe they haven't opened them yet? Agree that they may well have thanked the child. It would be nice for them to thank you too, but if they only see you while they are looking after children, those children will be their priority, not chatting to you.

JackieAndHyde4eva Fri 22-Jul-16 10:03:01

Wow! Bum licking of epic proportions.

Nanunanu Fri 22-Jul-16 10:04:11

Wasnt your gift a thank you gift to them?

Where does the thanking end?

Dc hands over to teacher. Teacher says thank you then and there. That is enough.

HeadDreamer Fri 22-Jul-16 10:05:27

I assume it's more formal than a typical day nursery btw given you mention a head teacher and teacher. Not key worker.

katydid2 Fri 22-Jul-16 10:06:12

Again, I was clear that I don't expect a hand-written thank you note, or even a profuse thank you, but a simple acknowledgement would be nice. And as far as I know they have not thanked my son (though admittedly it is often difficult to get much information out of him), nor frankly, do I think that would have been sufficient. I see the teachers every morning when I drop off and pick up my son, and it really would not be difficult for them to say, "Thank you for the gift." It takes two seconds. I come from a family of teachers (mother, siblings, cousins -- all teachers), so I know they get lots of gift and can't be expected to write thank you notes for every one.

Yes, I was a bit OTT with my choice of gifts, but I talked to other parents of children in their final year who were giving similar gifts. It is a ridiculous area. I would move, but there are a host of reasons why my husband doesn't want to do so.

Bum licking? That's a bit harsh.

gleam Fri 22-Jul-16 10:08:14

I think you need to buy a smaller gift next time, then you won't be so invested in getting a thank you back.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow Fri 22-Jul-16 10:08:25

I think bump licking sums it up perfectly, actually!

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Fri 22-Jul-16 10:08:31

I have only once had a teacher thank me for an end of term gift, and even that was only because I happened to bump into her and had a chat.

The gifts are from my dc, not me, so I'd never expect a thank you anymore than I would expect a child at a birthday party to thank me as well as my dc for a gift.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow Fri 22-Jul-16 10:08:47

or bum even hahaha!

MiddleClassProblem Fri 22-Jul-16 10:08:49

Did you give to them personally or did or child or were they just put on a table with other presents?

JackieAndHyde4eva Fri 22-Jul-16 10:10:19

Bum licking? That's a bit harsh.

grin are you new to MN? Bum licking is almost a compliment pet.

Butteredparsnips Fri 22-Jul-16 10:12:29

To be honest I am grateful that DDs teachers have helped and supported her this year and hope they enjoy drinking my rather more modest gift of wine.

They are tired and deserve a break. I hope they are not writing 30 thank you letters.

ginghamstarfish Fri 22-Jul-16 10:13:30

I'm amazed that parents give gifts to teachers at all! They are paid to do their job, and while I can see that a nice Thank You card may be in order if you feel they have done a good job, seems completely weird to give expensive gifts. I don't think it should be allowed really, could it not be seen as leading to favouritism etc? When I was a kid, WE, the children, would sometimes buy the teacher a little present bit of tat which is sweet if it's the child who does it.

DamsonGinIsMyThing Fri 22-Jul-16 10:13:51

No matter what, teachers cannot win.

Griphook Fri 22-Jul-16 10:14:22

BUT the teachers will be thinking that the gifts came from your child and will have thanked him when he handed them over. and it doesn't take 2 seconds when you have 30 and each parents starts a conversation with you when you try to say thank you

Neem Fri 22-Jul-16 10:14:30

In my experience, I'd say give it time. They obviously received lots of gifts, and may be busy with lots of things before they start drafting thank you's. When my children left nursery, we received thank you letters through the post some weeks later--not that I was waiting for them.

Kayakinggirl86 Fri 22-Jul-16 10:14:43

I have spent this morning writing the thank you cards for the gifts I got at the end of term. Will pop in to work to look up addresses and put them in the post as I did not have a chance (lack to time) to do them in the last few days of term.
Are you sure your sons teachers are not doing the same.

MiddleClassProblem Fri 22-Jul-16 10:16:13

ginghamstarfish we used to do it in the 80s and 90s but a small gesture, sometimes homemade and a card. Now it's become a whole thing in shops, specific cards and personalised gifts etc.

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