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to not waste money, time and the earth's resources on a birthday card for family members?

(101 Posts)
Arfarfanarf Thu 21-Jul-16 15:05:28

I will start by saying I really don't think I am so I may well end up being one of those annoying 'aibu? yes. no I'm not!' posters, in which case I forgive you in advance if you pile in and hand me my arse.

It's my husband's birthday tomorrow and I haven't got him a card. I don't really do cards - birthday, christmas, certainly not hallmark generic holidays like VD and all that and never for anyone actually in my household.

Here husband I live with, here is a piece of folded and coloured card to tell you happy birthday when I can easily open my mouth and say happy birthday but please have this mass produced card from tesco to say it to you anyway, which you will look at for 24 hours and then put in the recycling.

But I was chatting with a friend earlier and she asked what I'd got him so I said the usual, bottle of perfume grin (some ck cologne or other)

what, no card?

erm well no. bit of a waste really.

Apparently it's mean and unusual to not give cards.

I don't get them for my kids either.

So. Have it it chaps. How horrible am I on a scale of one to Brussels Sprouts?

MrsTerryPratchett Thu 21-Jul-16 15:06:30

If he doesn't care, YANBU. If he does, YABU.

Wolfiefan Thu 21-Jul-16 15:07:25

I love Sprouts. hmm
But I do send cards.

Sunnymeg Thu 21-Jul-16 15:08:00

My family don't do cards if they are seeing you on the actual birthday. The reasoning is that a hug and a kiss are better than an actual card. DH has never understood this though.

WibblyWobblyJellyHead Thu 21-Jul-16 15:09:01

I don't really do cards either. I find them a complete waste of resources.

branofthemist Thu 21-Jul-16 15:10:36

We don't do cards at all in our family.

I was stood in card factory a few years ago with stack of cards for mum and dad x2, nana and grandad X 2, brother and sister in law x2, auntie and uncle X 2, niece x2 , nephew X 1, cousin X11, husband X 1, daughter X 1, son X 1

I looked at dh and said 'nope we aren't doing this anymore' he agrees and we told everyone that we aren't doing cards anymore. Especially named ones.

The rest of my family thought it was a great idea. Pils didn't. But I told dh it was upto him and I think (not positive) he still doesn't do it. Although he does do birthday cards.

It was our anniversary this week and we didn't do them either.

I hate cards.

GloriousGusset Thu 21-Jul-16 15:10:56

Well it depends doesn't it? If he's the sort of guy who'd quite like a birthday card from his wife well then I'd say you're a bit of a miserable trout quite frankly. But if he feels the same way as you do well then rock on.

Personally I like sending birthday cards to people I care about.

GloriousGusset Thu 21-Jul-16 15:11:40

Oh you don't give birthday cards to your kids either? I'm definitely veering to 'miserable trout'.

wigglesrock Thu 21-Jul-16 15:12:16

Yup it depends on whether your husband or kids would like a card. As MrsTerryPratchett says if they don't mind then its win win. If they would like a card and you don't get them one - its tight.

Laiste Thu 21-Jul-16 15:13:25

First reply has it as usual:

If he doesn't care then it doesn't matter. If he would like a card then send him one.

More murky for me is the issue with xmas cards and cards to/from extended family. Do you? Don't you? Is everyone secretly wishing it would all stop? Who knows?

ijustwannadance Thu 21-Jul-16 15:14:31

My DM sends xmas cards to random relatives and all the neighbours. Such a waste of paper and stamps.

I'm with you op.

Laiste Thu 21-Jul-16 15:19:12

I'm wondering if cards are going to die a death eventually. In years to come i mean.

So many people turning to E cards and texts to say their greetings, for reasons OP has stated. Younger generation giving up on the palava of sending loads of xmas cards ect.

And yet we have a card for every conceivable occasion in card shops now. Dogs birthday. Next door's son's best friend's graduation, Step parent Once Removed Day, ect. How's it going to pan out i wonder?

Ifailed Thu 21-Jul-16 15:21:32

maybe the compromise, is to make one. At least then your not filling the pockets the Hall family who own Hallmark.

PinkyPlumet Thu 21-Jul-16 15:23:58

Hey I like Brussels sproutsblush

sarahnova69 Thu 21-Jul-16 15:25:28

When you do something for someone else the point isn't what you think and you like. It's what they like. Buying and writing a card is both more effort than just saying "happy birthday" and more tangible and lasting. I have a whole box of cards given to me by my H in which some lovely things are written, and yes, having something physical as a souvenir makes a difference to me.

Going to the effort of sending cards to other people is "emotional labour" - it's part of the work of maintaining relationships and social networks that we all need for support. Now, if nobody you know cares, or if they do care but you don't care enough to do this fairly minimal maintenance, fine. But the environmental damage done by greetings cards is not exactly at the top of the world's problems right now.

AbyssinianBanana Thu 21-Jul-16 15:26:52

Get him one of these. Call him tree killer rest of the year.He will request no cards next year, I promise.

Hariasa Thu 21-Jul-16 15:28:28

As long as you do take the time to wish them a proper "Happy Birthday".

One of my immediate family just sends an Amazon voucher and considers the job done. No card, text, call or email. It doesn't really make one feel loved.

Queenmarigold Thu 21-Jul-16 15:33:01

I hate them! They fall over every time the door opens, they're a right pain. But I keep them forever esp the ones from the babies... Think I might BU Eek.

n0ne Thu 21-Jul-16 15:34:14

Cards are for posting to people you won't see. I never hand people cards, I find that totally bizarre. I do have one friend who gives and expects cards for every occasion, so I do give her and her DS birthday cards, but she's literally the only one.

DH doesn't believe in cards either, so works for us.

ChaosTrulyReigns Thu 21-Jul-16 15:34:33

It's not just the paper is it?
All cards seem now yo be unnecessarily wrapped in plastic pouches because tidy. Ffs.

Time to revolt. Innit.

GloriousGusset Thu 21-Jul-16 15:34:41

They fall over every time the door opens

I don't think you're supposed to display them on the door.

Arfarfanarf Thu 21-Jul-16 15:36:10

no, he doesn't give a crap either way and neither do the kids. If they wanted one I guess I'd have to give one, even though it's pointless.

It's just the whole 'so sad for your poor family no cards, cards are such fun to have, isn't it nice to open cards' reaction that made me think crikey, are we going to be weeping into our cornflakes one day over this grin

No, I don't do christmas cards to all and sundry either Laiste. Just my parents because it does seem to matter to them, my sister and her family sometimes, attached to their present, if I remember

Oh, and I have a couple of elderly relatives who I send them to because they are of the 'send cards to everyone in that address book you have that contains details of everyone you've ever met in your entire life, including the woman behind you in the post office queue you once talked to for two and a half minutes about the price of stamps' school of thought and they'd probably be a bit upset not to get one. Other than that, no.

I didn't even do the whole class list christmas card thing when the kids were in primary after the first couple of years. I don't think anyone ever noticed.

It sounds a bit, what was it you said, Gusset? miserable trout? ish written down, I concede that.

TheWernethWife Thu 21-Jul-16 15:41:12

I love cards and would be very disappointed if I did not receive one from my loved ones and they would feel the same (I've asked). I have sent Facebook messages for birthdays and such to friends and colleagues but its definitely cards in our family.

FairyDogMother11 Thu 21-Jul-16 15:42:08

My partner hates cards, he never buys for any occasion, he says they're a waste of money. I don't mind this, I don't buy him a card but I do buy other people cards. Never anything really fancy unless it's a really special occasion!

Ifailed Thu 21-Jul-16 15:42:52

is suspect they'll go the way of post cards soon enough. No one sends those any more?

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