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To think my in laws are fuckers??

(169 Posts)
Bringmevino Wed 20-Jul-16 23:08:10

Is it unreasonable of me to think that my in laws might want to spend time with my children who are also the children of my husband, their son, and therefore also their grandchildren? DH's sister lives about an hour away whilst in laws live about 4hrs away. They regularly go and see SIL and her PFB who isn't yet 1 but don't come to see my DS 3 and my DD 1.5. They go to see people who live 30 mins from me and don't come to see my DC. They're currently staying with SIL and won't come and see us on the only day we're here due to an already booked holiday that they know about despite having no plans. This will be the 5th time they have been local to us and we haven't seen them, I suppose there's progress as at least we know this time that they are even here! Now I'm obviously biased but my DC are great and incredible and wonderful, DS is crazy for his grandparents and talks about them a lot and I obviously encourage this because I think family is very important. Why can't they spend some time with him/us? My DD is quite reserved with strangers and takes a while to warm up and I'd have thought they might like her to get to know them so that she doesn't consider them strangers. We go to them as often as we can. I'm just so upset for my little people right now. I've asked in the past and they wouldn't change their plans or even make plans involving us. Anyone?!

Casmama Wed 20-Jul-16 23:10:43

Sounds like ther is more to this. Do you get on with them or more specifically to they seem to get on with you? How is their relationship with their son?
I wouldn't have thought it was to do with the children tbh but it must be difficult to manage their expectations.

DonkeyOaty Wed 20-Jul-16 23:11:22

What does your DH say to them?

Canyouforgiveher Wed 20-Jul-16 23:12:09

No not unreasonable but unfortunately people aren't nice or fair.

I'd stop encouraging your DS being crazy for his grandparents for a start. Not sure why he is if he never sees them? Do you talk them up? I'd stop doing that.

Also I'd start building relationships with others - friends, your family, SIL and her family and just not bother much with the grandparents - it is their choice in the end.

DoinItFine Wed 20-Jul-16 23:12:29

Maybe stop encouraginge your son to be so keen on seeing people who are not interested in him?

CandODad Wed 20-Jul-16 23:12:56

Some Pils just have different ideas. My FIL for example prob wouldn't cross the street to say hi unless we had the kids with us. My mum can be just as bad in that she will drive pretty much past our house but not say a word until next time we visit as "she didn't like to bother us".

They all love their GC but in different ways.

KERALA1 Wed 20-Jul-16 23:20:45

Yanbu but honestly there's nothing you can do. Don't let it get to you, stop inviting them and don't mention them to the kids.

Dd aged 7 asked innocently the other day "are granny and grandad still our grandparents?". You reap what you sow.

Fuck em. And don't idolise because they are "family". They are not interested so move on.

Ivorbig1 Wed 20-Jul-16 23:22:36

I have a mil like this.
I firmly believe the grandparent/child relationship will only be as good as the relationship they have with the daughter/son in law.

Twiggy71 Wed 20-Jul-16 23:29:58

My kids have a grandmother who was like this, she used to visit a shopping outlet half an hour away from us but had no interest in coming to see her gc. She was only interested in her dd's children not her dsons.
She now sends her dgc messages on fb and expects them to be interested but their not as they don't even know her..
It's definately true you reap what you sow..

RosieSW Wed 20-Jul-16 23:30:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheRealAdaLovelace Wed 20-Jul-16 23:33:19

you know what my dad and his wife have never been to see my brother's kids - well once my dad went to a birthday celebration - ONCE (three kids) and did not even bring a card for the child who was 3 at the time.

It is because they don't like my brother at all.

Simple as that.

canary1 Wed 20-Jul-16 23:34:38

Yanbu, they are just disinterested f*****s, but there's bugger all you am do about it. Don't let it eat you up. Just ensure your children have a good 'community' of people who are interested in them and in being part of their lives- that may be your family, family friends, etc. And focus on that. And that you prob never have to suffer them at Christmas- there's always a bright sidesmile

Only1scoop Wed 20-Jul-16 23:36:00

Have you actually invited them around this time?

Bringmevino Wed 20-Jul-16 23:36:20

They're actually lovely and we get on, they have a good relationship with their son. I think they know what they're doing and do think it's because mine are their DS's children and not DD's. Beyond that I don't get it.

TheRealAdaLovelace Wed 20-Jul-16 23:39:15

what a contradictory post!
You say they have a good relationship with their son yet don't want to see his children? strange.

myownprivateidaho Wed 20-Jul-16 23:39:26

Have you actually asked them to spend time with you? I think that it's pretty understandable that they are visiting your sil more than you and your dh at the moment-- she has a small baby, it's a time when she may well want/need a lot of support.

NayaDeles Wed 20-Jul-16 23:42:51

I wouldn't want my DCs to have a relationship with people that can't be bothered.

timegate Wed 20-Jul-16 23:43:13

My inlaws do this too and me and my DP both have good relationship with OP.

They visit their daughters' children regularly, even babysit for them twice a week, and cook for them etc. They do nothing of the sort for us. I just wish they were fair with the interest and love they show to all DCs!

timegate Wed 20-Jul-16 23:43:50

Sorry not OP, that should read inlaws. I'm clearly too tired!

Bringmevino Wed 20-Jul-16 23:44:22

Adalovelace, that's a fucking outrage, what is up with people?!

mummytofourbabys Wed 20-Jul-16 23:44:32

I feel your pain OP have exact same issue with my in laws, see my partners kids with his ex very regularly, keeps them overnight etc but never takes our child not even for a few hours. Angers me to the point of tears sometimes. Can't actually offer any advice as I don't actually know how to deal with it myself, but just wanted you to know I sympathise with you

TheRealAdaLovelace Wed 20-Jul-16 23:48:28

yes it is a fucking outrage isnt it?
Then they send my brother studio pix of our younger sister with her new babies telling him how proud they are of her.....
Me and my children have spent 15 Christmases with just us,,,,,
Actually you couldn't make it up could you?
OP sorry for highjacking, perhaps your inlaws just need telling?

RosieSW Wed 20-Jul-16 23:50:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2kids2dogsnosense Thu 21-Jul-16 00:02:54

Rosie - perhaps OP dislikes in-laws because they never visit, not that they never visit because she dislikes them.

OP - some people are just tw*ts - it's a sad fact of life. I have a SIL who is godmother to my DS and has never even sent him a birthday card, let alone a present, despite the fact that we made a lot of their 3 kids (their youngest was 11 when our first son was born). She didn't even tell my DH that his brother had died, FFS - he found out when someone commiserated with him in the butcher's. Never told hm when the funeral was - nothing. We are still waiting for DS's Christmas presents for his first Christmas (he's 34) that were "accidentally" left in her daughter's lodgings went she came home.

As I say - some people aren't worth losing sleep over. Put them out of your mind. If hey visit - that's a bonus: if they don't, their loss; they ae missing out on your lovely children.


GabsAlot Thu 21-Jul-16 00:15:00

do u think they cant say to you because youre not their child, can we visit?-it does tend to happen more with sons they dont tend to want to bother them for some reason

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