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to not want DH to go away on a lads break?

(36 Posts)
fruttidibosco Wed 20-Jul-16 20:34:57

He's just mentioned that he's been invited away on a skiing hol with his mates. I LOVE skiing but as we currently have young children we haven't been for years. I said I don't want him to go as its not fair that he gets to go on a skiing holiday but I have to stay at home with the kids. Also I'm offended that he's even asked because I would have like to have thought that he'd not want to spend time off away from us and that he'd want to save holiday for family time.

AIBU to say I don't want him to go?

He's going away this weekend (for one night) and I don't mind that at all and want him to have fun, but am not looking forward to the weekend at all as I'll miss his company and the children won't get to spend that time with him. A longer time away just seems unfair to me - and doing something that I have had to not do for a few years due to our current responsibilities. He thinks I'm being selfish.

hastheworldgonemad Wed 20-Jul-16 20:40:34

Nope he's being a knob. Can't be doing with lads/girls holidays away.

Probably be ok if you have endless leisure time and lots of cash to do that and family breaks but if not it's selfish.

And I would be hurt if my dh preferred spending his holiday allowance with his mates and not us. Not something I would dream of.

He needs to grow up.

Haggisfish Wed 20-Jul-16 20:42:55

Meh. Me and dh like very different holidays. He goes on his, I go on mine and we go on a family one together. Not very exotic any of them but we all get to do what we like.

Purplepicnic Wed 20-Jul-16 20:49:24

For me, depends on whether he would be OK with you doing the same (even if you don't want to, it's the principle) and whether you will still get a family holiday together.

If the answer to either of those is no, then he shouldn't go. Otherwise, I think you're being a bit selfish, yes.

ilovetoloveyoubaby Wed 20-Jul-16 20:52:59

YABU if he wouldn't have a problem with you doing the same thing

DoinItFine Wed 20-Jul-16 21:00:45

I'm always slightly bemused by the hypotheticals women are supposed to content themselves with when it comes to this.

He wouldn't mind if I went. (But I never do).

I would say, "OK, but then I'll be having a week away too. So that leave X money and Y time for family holidays."

And I'd take my week too.

I think heading away can be fine as long as it's fairly distributed.

MaQueen Wed 20-Jul-16 21:15:51

If he would be perfectly happy for you to head off for a week without him, then yes YABU. And also assuming that still leaves enough in the pot for a family holiday?

It's only a week. You are (hopefully) spending the rest of your lives together, so what is one week apart, really?

arethereanyleftatall Wed 20-Jul-16 21:16:54

Depends on lots of things.

In our house, this is absolutely fine. We're both happy for each other to go away on separate holidays, and hav the finances to support it.

But, we're both happy with it, and both get to do it.

I guess that's the difference.

pictish Wed 20-Jul-16 21:19:17

I think yabu and sound overly clingy. Sorry.

MollyTwo Wed 20-Jul-16 21:21:08

Agree with Pictish. Is he allowed to be away from you? Does he have to spend every free moment with the family?

ThroughThickAndThin01 Wed 20-Jul-16 21:21:34


Being married shouldn't exclude all other life and doing things with other friends occasionally. He obviously doesn't do this often. Has he done it at all?

If he wouldn't be happy with you going away for a long weekend or week then you wouldn't be unreasonable, otherwise you are.

DoinItFine Wed 20-Jul-16 21:22:17

Are you allowed to take off for a week?

Do you get to have holidays away from the family?

MrsKCastle Wed 20-Jul-16 21:22:18

I think you're BU to say he should want to spend all his holiday time with you and the DCs. Most parents would love to have a break away from the kids sometimes. Would it be possible for the two of you to get away together? Could GPs babysit? If not, then I think it makes sense for him to take the opportunity to get away. Could you organize something similar with your friends?

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 20-Jul-16 21:23:58

DH and I have holidays separate and together. If you have the money and the time, that's great. However, if this will postpone when you both could go skiing, that's less fair. Instead of, or as well as IYSWIM.

BuggertheTabloids Wed 20-Jul-16 21:26:14

I think YABU. Just so long as you go on your own break too.
I do, almost every year. A weekend without work and without kids etc is seriously relaxing. I feel a lot better after it.
DH has a break away with his mates too.
It's only a few days each. I'm sure it's good for both of us.

whois Wed 20-Jul-16 21:29:33

Nothing wrong with a week away with friends. As long as you have enough money and time for both partners to do that, and also to holiday together.

dalmatianmad Wed 20-Jul-16 21:41:35

I think it's excellent to have time away from each other on a lads/girls holida, makes you appreciate one another and you get a proper break....

WaitrosePigeon Wed 20-Jul-16 21:42:52

I think YABU. My husband regularly goes on a couple of lads holidays every year - I honestly don't see the harm? Let him have fun!

Scarydinosaurs Wed 20-Jul-16 21:43:12

If you had a family holiday and the chance of a girl's holiday, you probably wouldn't mind. But he's the only one who gets a holiday? Not fair.

RebelandaStunner Wed 20-Jul-16 22:35:57

Sounds a bit one sided. I would expect my share and a family holiday too.
We do a few mini breaks a year without each other but prefer to keep whole weeks for family holidays. His breaks revolve around sports which I am not interested in, mine are cultural/theatre/shopping/spa most of which would bore him to death. However we also have at least three weeks of family holidays and a few weekends where it's just us.

Strokethefurrywall Wed 20-Jul-16 22:42:14

Presumably your DH spends time with you all after work and on weekends right?

Assuming you will get equal time and finances to do something you want, and finances and equal time together for a family holiday or whatever, YABVU. You seem to only be pissed about it because you're jealous. If he was going away on a lads golfing holiday would you be as upset?

Despite being in a family unit, you're still individual people with individual interests!

fruttidibosco Wed 20-Jul-16 22:53:59

Thanks for the replies - it seems I am being U!!

I don't mind him going away At all for the odd night here and there. Like I said, he's away this weekend. He does say he doesn't mind if I did the same but it's just not realistic at the moment with 2 under 3. Also I'm quite jealous that it's to do something that I love. I think the main thing that has annoyed me about it is I don't like the friend who has invited him. If someone else had then I probably wouldn't have had such a negative reaction to it blush

VodkaValiumLattePlease Thu 21-Jul-16 00:57:15

I have two under 4 and I've just booked a girls holiday, if I was told by my DH that I couldn't go my suitcase would be packed permanently.

MargaretCavendish Thu 21-Jul-16 01:10:29

I think the main thing that has annoyed me about it is I don't like the friend who has invited him. If someone else had then I probably wouldn't have had such a negative reaction to it

I previously didn't think YWBU, but now I do a bit! I think different couples can make their own decisions about whether or not holidaying alone is ok - my husband and I both do go away without the other one and that's important to me, but I don't think it's unreasonable to decide as a couple that you don't do this. However, while I would be sad if my husband asked me to never go on holiday without him again, I'd be furious if he tried to police who I went with! Anyway, on a pragmatic level, if he's going to hang out with a guy you don't like isn't far away from you the ideal place for this to happen?!

whattodowiththepoo Thu 21-Jul-16 02:03:52

Sorry but yabu.

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