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To not go back to this playgroup...

(208 Posts)
Biscuitbrixit Wed 20-Jul-16 20:29:43

...after seeing a parent smack their 3yr old?

He was throwiing toys, she told him not to, he threw them again, she told him again, he threw them again, blah blah blah, went on for ages just remove him from situation ffs
She got all shouty & eventually, after about half an hour of him throwing toys and hurting kids she went over, picked him up by the arm, smacked his bum, yelled at him and sat him on a chair, then walked away, back to her friends. She's with a group of parents who tend to all sit together in a corner and let their kids roam free, no one really paying attention until someone gets hurt.

I was kind of sitting with my friend, thinking wtf!

MrsHathaway Wed 20-Jul-16 20:48:48

Bloody hell.

What was the general reaction? If most people including the organisers looked shocked, maybe try again. If nobody batted an eyelid, RUN AWAY.

Good toddler groups have something like a code of conduct, although not so much about children's behaviour as about carers' responses to it. No group I've been involved with would accept that kind of response - one of the organisers would have had a Quiet Word with the mother and some Kind But Firm words with the child rather sooner.

Biscuitbrixit Wed 20-Jul-16 21:14:37

It's a playgroup run by the parents, but it's quite popular.
No one seemed to bat an eyelid. She just went and sat back with her friends and started chatting again like it was a normal occurance.

I could tell my friend was shocked by how we stopped our conversation to witness what went on, but we didn't say anything about it. We were a bit embarrassed I suppose and then just carried on talking.

bumsexatthebingo Wed 20-Jul-16 21:41:57

It wouldn't put me off the playgroup if my dc enjoyed it. They will see bad parenting everywhere.

Birdsgottafly Wed 20-Jul-16 21:44:23

Are you going to any Soft Plays, yet?

There always seems to be at least one Parent, that is ok with smacking. You are going to come into lots of Parents that don't use the methods that you do, so this is going to be a constant dilemma.

If my GD was around lots of shouting, I'd have to say something.

If I was considering not going back, I'd be steering her towards better methods and not care about her reaction.

GreenShadow Wed 20-Jul-16 21:46:42

Why would you not go back?
This was just one parent - not like it was one of the organisers.

WanderingTrolley1 Wed 20-Jul-16 21:47:01

Wouldn't put me off..

Cuppaand2biscuits Wed 20-Jul-16 21:57:41

I understand that you might not want to go back because it can be uncomfortable to be around people disciplining their child like that..sort of you don't know where to look.
I would still go.back, I used to go to a playgroup with a really shouty grandma in attendance and another with a horrible childminder who left her mindee to cry and cry.

catkind Wed 20-Jul-16 22:12:17

A generally very nice calm mum at ours took me by surprise one week by matter of factly slapping her child's hand when he wouldn't stop taking another child's toy. Pre-verbal child, maybe 18 months. I didn't say anything, what can you say? She is from a different country, I guess it was a cultural difference. It's not actually illegal if no mark left.
I don't think I'd leave a playgroup for one incident of unpleasant parenting. On the other hand if unsupervised kids misbehaving kids is the norm, that would probably put me off.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Wed 20-Jul-16 22:15:33

Don't be too judgy. We can't all be Mrs Tumbles. She'd obviously lost her cool and felt every one was thinking. Ooh look at her and that awful child. My little Judith and Constance would never behave like that.
Plus I'm going to say this only once. I was smacked as a child. No one ever died of smacked arse.
Anyway the poor woman probably feels bad enough.
Also it won't be her you're hurting if you don't go back. She won't give a shiny shit if you're there or not

embo1 Wed 20-Jul-16 22:17:54

My lo would get very upset at seeing that.

MollyTwo Wed 20-Jul-16 22:19:09

No it wouldn't put me off.

RiverTam Wed 20-Jul-16 22:19:11

Blimey, I've never seen parenting like that at a baby or toddler group. Sorry, but that's crap, she obviously couldn't be bothered to properly engage with her child until he lost control and then she whacks him? I wouldn't go back if there were other options available.

WhatTheActualFugg Wed 20-Jul-16 22:34:09

They will see bad parenting everywhere

Seriously?! 'Everywhere'?!

My DDs have never seen another child being smacked or any other similarly awful parenting. If they did they would very soon be diverted and that person/situation/location avoided forever more.

I can't see why any parent who doesn't wish to introduce the concept of physical violence to their DC would wilfully take them to a playgroup where smacking is not only generally accepted but likely to be repeated.

bumsexatthebingo Wed 20-Jul-16 22:38:44

Well good for you! Maybe my kids are older than yours but they've seen kids getting a smacked bum on the street, at the supermarket, at bus stops etc. Not sure how I am suppose to avoid those places forever more hmm
They have asked about it and I've told them that some parents smack when they are angry and it's not against the law even though imo it should be but they don't need to worry because me and their df don't agree with smacking and they will never be smacked. Then we got on with our lives! No lasting trauma afaia...

theliverpoolone Wed 20-Jul-16 22:38:53

When my dd was little we went to a toddler group, and one of the two organisers suddenly marched over to what I assume was her child (no more than 2 yrs old), grabbed his hand, slapped it really hard and yelled "Do not hit!". I was shock shock and never went back.

bumsexatthebingo Wed 20-Jul-16 22:39:46

Oh yeah I've seen parents smack kids bums at the school playground as well. Maybe I should homeschool?

Biscuitbrixit Thu 21-Jul-16 07:27:10

I'd certainly avoid my dc going round to their dc's house bumsex

I've seen children being smacked in the supermarket & on the street, but never in playgroup.

It was the situation as a whole which puts me off, the initial lack of parenting.

RosieandJim89 Thu 21-Jul-16 07:40:45

Just because you see it in a number of places you cannot avoid, that doesn't mean you cannot try and minimise the exposure by avoiding places like this playgroup. I very rarely see someone smack their child in public and would feel very uncomfortable.
When I see someone hit their child in public I wonder what they are capable of behind closed doors if they can boldly hit their child in front of others.
I wouldn't return.

bumsexatthebingo Thu 21-Jul-16 10:04:47

But why should the child miss out on a group of they enjoy it? Smacking parent may never go to that group again!

ailith Thu 21-Jul-16 10:44:09

Parents who smack their children should be challenged by other adults.

Biscuitbrixit Thu 21-Jul-16 13:44:55

That's my thinking rosie... This is her public face.

bumsex I've been going for a yr, this person has been going for longer, true that her ds is 3, so she may well stop going soon.
I know many of the children's names due to their name being shouted as a response to them doing something they shouldn't.... The parents just shout their name over & over confused

There is a huge mix of parents, from different backgrounds & different ages so, I do like going to it.

ailith I would love to, but wouldn't know how! and hate confrontation

Salmotrutta Thu 21-Jul-16 13:54:15

Right, I'll be the first to admit I smacked my kids bottoms if they were doing something very naughty/dangerous after being told off. It was a last resort and by no means a regular occurrence.

They are adults now and don't appear to resent me.

There are a lot of self-righteous people on this thread.

And challenging them? Seriously? Why? So you could pontificate about your superior methods of parenting?

Salmotrutta Thu 21-Jul-16 13:54:51

That last part was to ailith by the way.

Dutchcourage Thu 21-Jul-16 14:01:17

Don't go back then, I'm sure your absence will really make her think about her behaviour.

Maybe if you keep going though, your amazingly calm and perfect parenting skills will rub off on the whole group...

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