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He's fucked up my night and buggered off...

(43 Posts)
gininteacupsandleavesonthelawn Wed 20-Jul-16 19:32:25

Ok, I'm 7 weeks Preg, shattered, feeling queasy and a bit emotional. This is both part of the problem and means I may be being unreasonable.

I was supposed to be out for a friends birthday dinner, DP golfing. I struggled to sleep last night, too hot, DP was out and came in around 1 so disturbed. As a result I felt like shit today so cancelled, we had thunder storms earlier so DP sad most likely not golfing. Talk of nice dinner, bath, early night.

Weather perks up late afternoon, Golf back on. I tell DP I'm disappointed as had hopes up re dinner, bath, early night- he says I can do all this anyway.

So now the problem, we're currently having downstairs bathroom ripped out and I hear him talking to builder as he leaves. Half an hour later builder shout to say he's leaving but as agreed with DP the plasterer will be here before 7. He didn't even ask or let me know. I've now got 2 random guys in the house, can't go for a bath (meaning I need to have one in morning to wash hair as shower currently ripped out). They're sanding, banging, back door open.

I actually feel like I could cry. I feel like he's been really selfish. AIOverreacting?

Ps. According to builder the tiler will be here on Saturday... Guess where DP is? golf and boys night out...

gininteacupsandleavesonthelawn Wed 20-Jul-16 19:33:44

I work FT by the way and need to pick 5yo up from ex tomorrow after work tomorrow so not like I can do it tomorrow night

Crispbutty Wed 20-Jul-16 19:35:37

Why can't you have your bath once they have gone?

gininteacupsandleavesonthelawn Wed 20-Jul-16 19:36:46

They'll be here until daylight runs out so at least 2 more hours. I'm struggling to keep my eyes open as it is

Griphook Wed 20-Jul-16 19:41:08

I always think with work people
don't ever turn them away as they will never come back

mamas12 Wed 20-Jul-16 19:41:10

Tell them to go home
They don't have to be there if you do t wNt them to be
You matter most here
Tell dh he can rearrange another time or rearrange a time most inconvenient to him

LifeInJeneral Wed 20-Jul-16 19:41:21

Poor Op I would hate this so much! You can't relax with strangers in the house. He is being inconsiderate, I don't think you are being unreasonable to feel a bit fed up and put out

drivingmisspotty Wed 20-Jul-16 19:43:07

I think YANBU and YANBU

He woke you in the night - unless he was being excessively noisy and inconsiderate maybe just an accident so YABU to be angry but maybe have words about him being quieter when you are feeling rotten due to pregnancy.

He didn't force you to cancel your night out.

His golf being off then on is pretty understandable with weather. I can see why you are disappointed though. How involved was he in dinner plans?

He is being massively unreasonable to book plasterer in when he knew you were looking forward to a bath and again when he won't be there on Saturday. Can you find some plans that you had for Saturday so you are not there? I'd pullhim up on this. He is taking it for granted you will be there.

gininteacupsandleavesonthelawn Wed 20-Jul-16 19:44:02

I just know he's going to tell me that if it was the other way around and he was home alone he wouldn't mind therefore I'm being unreasonable. He won't see my perspective at all. I was literally sitting upstairs waiting on builder leaving so I could take my bra off, get my dressing gown on and snooze on couch.

gininteacupsandleavesonthelawn Wed 20-Jul-16 19:45:34

The golf being off then on is fine- I get it, was just to illustrate that he definitely knew what I wanted to do with the evening and how I was feeling etc

Biscuitbrixit Wed 20-Jul-16 19:47:38

it's shitty of him not to consult with you 1st about whether they could come.

mamas12 Wed 20-Jul-16 19:56:28

You'd better his organising what you do with your time at home you know next thing you will be default parent, Cook chef everything about the house and you will start resenting him. Big time the.
Have serious talk with him about that

PaulDacreCuntyMcCuntFace Wed 20-Jul-16 19:57:06

Suck up this evening - it's annoying but there isn't much you can do about it.

Re: Saturday casually announce to your H that you're going shopping/cinema/spa/seeing a play/whatever and will be out all day. If he splutters about having booked the plasterer then sweetly point out to him that he didn't check to see if you had any plans, so he'd better rearrange his own. If he was out last night and is out again tonight, then him taking a turn to stay in whilst work is done, seems fair.

Don't argue, don't engage, be polite but inflexible. His problem so he needs to sort it.

Owllady Wed 20-Jul-16 19:58:27

I'd be really pissed off

trafalgargal Wed 20-Jul-16 19:58:48

I'd want my bathroom back as soon as possible so if tonight was the only night they could do it and you'd already said you'd cancelled your plans to go out it wasn't unreasonable

missymayhemsmum Wed 20-Jul-16 20:00:56

You are 7 weeks pregnant, exhausted, nauseous, fragile and fully entitled to be unreasonable.
He is behaving like a reasonable man who still has a capable partner and a busy social life. Someone needs to tell him those days are over for a while.

EsmeraldaEllaBella Wed 20-Jul-16 20:01:02

I think yabvu. But I get it! Hope you feel better soon

gininteacupsandleavesonthelawn Wed 20-Jul-16 20:01:06

I might have cancelled my plans to go out but I was because I was in and tired- to have a bath and go to bed. Not to sit in a noisy house waiting on workmen.

gininteacupsandleavesonthelawn Wed 20-Jul-16 20:01:56

*it was because I was ill and tired

Can't even type!

Bogeyface Wed 20-Jul-16 20:14:43

I agree that you need to make it clear that you have plans on Saturday so either he needs to cancel the builders or cancel his plans, and that next time he checks with you before he books them in.

TheWitchesofIzalith Wed 20-Jul-16 20:15:27

He should have consulted with you about the plasterer coming over this evening, he knew you only cancelled your friends birthday dinner BECAUSE you weren't feeling great. So why would you want noisy workmen around the house?
So you're not BU there. The golf on-off golf is annoying, and I think I'd feel the same as you if there was talk of a nice alternative. Especially if he didn't say the golf would be back on if weather changed...but having said that, I suppose that might be being a bit petty...not sure if that's U or not!

WoahSlowDown Wed 20-Jul-16 20:16:56

I completely get it but I think if they wanted to work I would have said yes too. I can see it's disappointing but just think about how lovely the bathroom will be once it's finished.

I hope you feel better soon. I found the early stages of pregnancy hard work too.


bakeoffcake Wed 20-Jul-16 20:18:20

He's being very unreasonable to not consult you about the plaster coming. You told him you wanted a bath an an early night, so what's he playing at?

I also wouldn't to be staying in all day in Saturday, with the builders. Let him do it.

TheWitchesofIzalith Wed 20-Jul-16 20:19:49

Having said are tired, feeling unwell and possibly very hormonal.

I think normal rules about BU or not BU have to be relaxed a little in the circumstances, so have some flowers and chocolate

carolk001 Wed 20-Jul-16 20:20:02

Not unreasonable, but you may get further with a less hostile approach. Fellas don't really get (understand) pregnancy and pushing your point will make him mentally write you off as a hysterical female who is not worth his listening to. Sometimes, softly softly catchee monkey does work.... Good luck!!

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