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Daddy won't let dd have her hair cut

(83 Posts)
ChicagoBullz Wed 20-Jul-16 17:06:35

She's 10 and has long hair to her bum, she wants it cut into a bob but she's worried because exh has told her via text he'll 'go mental' if she has it cut
Grr need to vent he pisses me off so much, trying to be objective, am I pissed off just because he's an ex? Because he's teaching her long hair is attractive??

KittyLaRoux Wed 20-Jul-16 17:09:02

Its her hair. Let her get it cut and then you need to remind him should he be abusive to your daughter you will be stopping contact and seeking advice.

He has no control over her hair and you need to teach her that men cannot control her apperance.

MigGril Wed 20-Jul-16 17:10:18

What kitty said

VimFuego101 Wed 20-Jul-16 17:10:49

10 is old enough to make up her own mind. She's the one who has to look after it and brush/wash it.

blueskyinmarch Wed 20-Jul-16 17:11:13

Her hair, her choice. He can go all the 'mental' he likes!

BuntyFigglesworthSpiffington Wed 20-Jul-16 17:12:12

Let him 'go mental' if he wants. If he's so obsessed with bum length hair he should see if he can grow his own! If he has difficulty growing his hair down to his arse cheeks tell him that hair extensions are also an option.

A ten year old is more than old enough to decide how long or short their hair should be.

Lonecatwithkitten Wed 20-Jul-16 17:12:13

Totally old enough to make up her own mind about hair that will grow back if she changes her mind.
I am guessing one of the reasons you left was because he was a controlling arse.

Mouikey Wed 20-Jul-16 17:12:22

Easy way round this, get him to wash and dry it! I used to have similar length, thick hair - took 5 hours to wash and dry. My dad was very sad when it got cut (into a poodle perm - was the late 80's!!) but understood the practicalities (I was going on an exchange trip and couldn't expect the host family to look after it!

NoCapes Wed 20-Jul-16 17:13:04

Ridiculous! My 5 year old chooses how she has her hair cut, because it's her hair!
Your ex is being controlling and abusive - tell him that

ChicagoBullz Wed 20-Jul-16 17:13:06

Not that simple though, he's scary when angry.
I need to talk to him about this. She hates the long hair now & I don't blame her

FiveFullFathoms Wed 20-Jul-16 17:13:38

She wants a stylish not a Mohawk. It's a perfectly normal style that she should have if she wants. Don't give in to your ex. Don't teach her that men get to tell her how she should look.

BuntyFigglesworthSpiffington Wed 20-Jul-16 17:14:23

Is he scary as in shouty or scary as in likely to smash things?

PortiaCastis Wed 20-Jul-16 17:14:54

Her hair her choice. Why is he so adamant aboht a little girls hair, whats wrong with him?

ChicagoBullz Wed 20-Jul-16 17:14:56


Idliketobeabutterfly Wed 20-Jul-16 17:15:05

Let her cut it. He sounds like an abusive tosser

VeryBitchyRestingFace Wed 20-Jul-16 17:15:23

Maybe it was just his idea of a "jokey" phrase? Humour doesn't always translate well in text form.

You probably know better whether it was just a badly phrased "joke" or is more likely to reflect his actual view on women with short hair.

BuntyFigglesworthSpiffington Wed 20-Jul-16 17:15:51

'She hates the long hair now & I don't blame her'

She should tell him that having hair that long is just far too labour intensive in terms of washing and drying time.

Good decision on making him your ex by the way.

WannaBe Wed 20-Jul-16 17:15:58

It's her hair. Take her to get it cut then tell him after you've had it done.

powershowerforanhour Wed 20-Jul-16 17:15:59

Get chopping! Depending on the mood I was in I'd either tear him a new one or explain sternly that it's not OK for men to seek to control women and girls like this, and that I was keeping the text as evidence in case of any future episodes of controlling behaviour.

ChicagoBullz Wed 20-Jul-16 17:16:13

Lots of things portia

It makes me uncomfortable that he's so bothered by it but I don't know if that's beyond already dislike him iyswim

KittyLaRoux Wed 20-Jul-16 17:16:39

Hes scary when hes angry hmm

You maybe need to talk to him about his anger and how that is affecting his child.

Sorry but there is no way on earth i would let a man scare my child in to looking how he wants!!!!
Tell him shes had it cut and tell him if he starts he wont see his chd. Why the hell would you want this man who your child is scared of anywhere near her?

SweetChickadee Wed 20-Jul-16 17:17:06

I can see why he's an ex...

alltouchedout Wed 20-Jul-16 17:21:30

Her hair, she gets to choose. Don't let her go down the "we mustn't upset daddy" route.
My dad was very upset when I had my hair cut at a similar age but he wasn't shouty or mean and my mum gave him short shrift so he soon stopped being silly about it.

AcrossthePond55 Wed 20-Jul-16 17:22:25

Do you think talking to him ahead of time will actually do any good? If so, do it. Otherwise I think I'd probably send a brief text or email after the chop saying that I took DD to get her hair cut and that if he has anything to say about it, say it to me but that he'd better leave DD alone or I'd have to rethink her visits.

I think it's really, really important that your DD learn that no female (or male for that matter) should tailor their appearance to any member of the opposite sex.

If he's that scary when he's angry, should she (or you) be around him at all?

fuzzywuzzy Wed 20-Jul-16 17:22:38

I let my girls have whatever style of hair they chose on the premise they'll maintain it. Their hair their choice I think I let mine at about aged 7ish. Long hair is work to maintain.

Tell her she has autonomy over her own body. And what she wants is not unreasonable.

Besides which hair grows, she'll probably have a million and one hair styles throught her life and she's entitled to.

Get it cut, and warn your ex if he's abusive he loses contact till he apologises to her and treats her with kindness.

I feel really strongly that DC should have autonomy over their own bodiehttps. I felt sad when DC wanted their hair cut but I respect their choice.

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