Drama over booking friends holiday

(28 Posts)
MyShinyThing Wed 20-Jul-16 13:42:01

More of a "Who IBU" really!

Friend A has a big birthday coming up this year and said back in March that she would like to book a weekend break around the time of it and would like as many friends to come as possible.

Friend B said that she would be starting a new job at the beginning of the proposed month so wouldn't know her rota until then and also probably wouldn't be able to book the time off as it would be a new job.

Fast forward & friend A (who owns her own business) has managed to arrange cover for a particular weekend meaning she won't be losing money while she is away.

A asks B if she can make those dates, also says that others have said that they are fine.

B has gone off the deep end a bit, saying A has deliberately left her out of the planning (nothing planned except date at this point) and obviously only asked her as an afterthought. Says she still doesn't have her rota and feels like now she's been deliberately left out it would be best if she doesn't come anyway.

Next day B suddenly gets her rota and can come but only if it's the week before. A explains again about having cover for those dates and she can't change them.

B is now saying that it's clear that A is unwilling to be flexible about the date (even though she herself is not flexible). Says she can't make anymore effort than she already has, that she always goes out of her way for her friends but it's clear they don't feel the same way!

I feel like B has blown this out of all proportion and has now put a downer on the whole thing for A and has said some very hurtful things which could really affect the friendship.

Does B have a point do you think or is she just spitting her dummy out?

Mellowautumn Wed 20-Jul-16 13:45:15

A needs to tell B to fuck off and enjoy her holiday with her grown up friends smile

CathemeralChild Wed 20-Jul-16 13:47:48

B is being ridiculous and unreasonable.

Arfarfanarf Wed 20-Jul-16 13:48:02

Does B actually always go out of her way for her friends? I find that normally people who blow up and yell about always doing everything and being a great friend actually rarely are.

If A could have waited until Bs rota was done then I think they should have and not waiting was unkind if waiting was doable.

If waiting was impossible because it meant the trip couldn't happen, then it's unfortunate for B but they can't expect their entire group of friends to not have this event because of them. That's selfish.

In the end though, A and B either have to get over it or sulk like a pair of kids. It's their problem.

MyShinyThing Wed 20-Jul-16 13:55:23

To be honest I'm not sure what constitutes going out of her way. I'm a lot closer to A than B if I'm honest so may be skewed. Recently I have driven A an hour away to pick something up & helped her with some things at her business. B has looked after my DS for me despite not having DCs of her own yet. I would say this is normal friendship. A & I organised B's hen do last year which was for about 25 people and very stressful & expensive but I didn't resent it until now! B on the other hand bailed out of my hen do 2 weeks before leaving others to cover her share.

A had to arrange the cover quite far in advance so it wasn't really possible to wait for the rota, but I can see that from B's point of view she feels she should have waited.

I feel a bit stuck in the middle as B has accused A of colluding with me in particular in order to leave her out! I feel really hurt that she would even think this of us, she's a very close friend although not as close a A. and I guess she maybe feels left out of this sometimes.

BarbaraofSeville Wed 20-Jul-16 14:04:52

Friend B is being ridiculous. She can't expect people to wait around until last minute to book things to see if she can come or not as this is likely to make things more expensive and less choice of hotels etc.

Friend A was able to commit to a particular date and arrange for her work to be covered. It's just bad luck for Friend B and a shame she is missing out, but these things can't always be helped unfortunately. Is there no chance that Friend B could swap shifts with a colleague to free up the dates of the trip?

MyShinyThing Wed 20-Jul-16 14:15:30

B is now saying she won't even bother as A is unwilling to be flexible about it.

The really absurd thing is that B recently fell out with someone else as she has use of a villa on particular dates and issued an open invite. Her friend said she couldn't make those dates and threw a hissy fit about being left out. B was appalled that her friend thought she was unreasonable and we all agreed with her. Now the rolls are reversed though...

I'm low on sympathy anyway to be honest as B has had 2 holidays this year already with 2 more coming up. This will be As only holiday (and mine) plus she's pregnant and extremely stressed so could do with the break!

P1nkP0ppy Wed 20-Jul-16 14:22:18

B's being utterly unreasonable and precious.
Ignore her and enjoy the weekend away op. B could easily have said 'I'll come if I can, go ahead with the others' but instead is sourcing the whole thing for everyone else.

MyShinyThing Wed 20-Jul-16 14:25:17

Thanks everyone, you're pretty much saying exactly how I feel! B is obviously feeling very hard done by though so wanted to see if she had a point!

Arfarfanarf Wed 20-Jul-16 14:28:24

what would happen if you reminded her of the villa and asked how this was different?

MyShinyThing Wed 20-Jul-16 14:34:53

I have said that to A Arf but think you may hear the reaction from wherever you are!

A wants to avoid getting into a tit for tat kind of thing so has stuck with placating and apologising whilst maintaining her position and restating that she cannot get cover for other dates. She's very grown up & sensible!

WhereYouLeftIt Wed 20-Jul-16 14:36:51

B needs directions to the grip shop.

AlaskanSnow Wed 20-Jul-16 14:39:31

This is A's birthday break, and so she has the right to want to book it for the most convenient time to her.
It isn't about "leaving B out" at all. B is being ridiculous.
As long as A understands that B cannot make it due to work and isn't being demanding herself of course, then B is BVU

MyShinyThing Wed 20-Jul-16 14:44:52

A hasn't made any demands at all, when she mentioned it at first she said she understood if people couldn't afford it but hoped that they would come if they could.

I'm really quite hurt that she thinks this has been done deliberately, it really says a lot about what she thinks of us!

I'm itching to say something to B but don't want to make things worse!

MeridianB Wed 20-Jul-16 15:04:51

I would stay out of it and let B burn herself out.

It sounds very much as if she didn't want/couldn't afford to go and is using this as an excuse/distraction technique. I think if A moved it, another problem would materialise.

redhat Wed 20-Jul-16 15:05:49

Ooo, I came onto this thread to see whether it was about me! It isn't thank goodness.

I'd stay out of it and leave it to A & B

OurBlanche Wed 20-Jul-16 15:16:09

I wouldn't. I'd tell B she was being ridiculous, remind her that the occasions is As birthday and she can have her party wherever and whenever she bloody well likes.

If B chose to continue behaving like a 4 year old on her 3rd can of coke and 6th chocolate bar, I would remind her of her own past behaviour and point out hat nobody thought any less of her then but this latest temper tanty has made oyhers re evaluate her....

MyShinyThing Wed 20-Jul-16 15:20:48

That was my initial reaction Blanche! I'm just wary of making things more difficult for A now so will keep out as far as possible for now.

The thought had crossed my mind Meridian, it wouldn't be the first time!

I'm intrigued as to what your drama is now Redhat nosy grin

OurBlanche Wed 20-Jul-16 15:25:13

I am probably not the best person to go by... stopped teaching and am feeling the freedom of not having to be nice to everyone I ever meet smile

MadisonMontgomery Wed 20-Jul-16 15:31:53

I'm a bit unsure why B couldn't have booked the time off as annual leave - most new jobs are happy to honour any leave already booked.

redhat Wed 20-Jul-16 15:39:05

I don't want to put too much detail on shiny because I'm pretty identifiable on MN but in short

Families A, B and C always go on holiday together to a particular villa. Member of family A says they will book it this year. Family A comes back and says the villa has gone because it was left too late and they will look for alternatives. Member of family C also spends lots of time trying to find alternatives/suitable flights etc.

Family C are out for the day with no internet connection (a fact known to both A & B) and come home to 2 messages. One "not sure what to do" and the next, left a couple of hours later saying that A has booked and paid for a different, much smaller villa but just for family A and B (no room for C) "hope that's ok". Um, no its not and now family C are very hurt but not sure whether to say anything and cause a row and potential irreparable damage to the friendship or keep quiet and pull away from A and B since the friendship is obviously not quite what family C thought.

TheresAlwaysTimeForTea Wed 20-Jul-16 15:42:36

To be honest if she is being this petulant over the booking process, I can only imagine what a nightmare she would be on the trip!

OurBlanche Wed 20-Jul-16 15:44:32

Eurgh! Having been Family C I took the hint... I did make a bit of a fuss about it, told A and B that I was, quite frankly, disappointed that they had acted so selfishly.

Then I added - I hope it rains all week! grin

redhat Wed 20-Jul-16 15:52:40

It's quite an obvious hint isn't it ourblanche sad Will have big ramifications if family C pulls away since there are lots of connections in the friendship circle. Having said that, any drama will achieve nothing here. The damage is done.

HedgehogHedgehog Wed 20-Jul-16 15:53:17

B is being ridiculous. I think all you can do is calmly say that it is As birthday and she needs to go on this date because that is the time she has off. And then just leave it at that and dont get involved in any more explaination or arguing. Hopefully eventually B will realise she is being unreasonable but if not that is no ones responsibility but hers. x

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