to think they should stop their kids staring over the fence!(49 Posts)
We live in a semi detached house with a couple next door who have 3 children , a 15yr old boy and two younger children who are 5 and 6 , they play well with our two who are around the same age. We've always got on and have a drink in the garden now and again and let the Kids play. The problem is on the occasion that when they aren't playing together say if my kids are at exH house, at their grandparents or even if they just don't want to play out sometimes (they do seem to get very clingy with my two and I can genuinely see they just want to play on their own now and then) the two kids just literally stand up at their fence and just stare! They will climb up on the raised area on there side , stand there and just do not seem to move or take a hint that it makes us uncomfortable. Now I know they are just kids but it does get to a point where I would expect mum and dad to tell them to get down and stop being nosy but they don't they just sit there sometimes on their phones and know full well that me and DH are say having a sit down in our garden with a drink or lunch and it just feels like I'm on show and being watched all the time. Sometimes when we decide to have a family BBQ with other family members and even they comment about how strange it feels and how odd it is that they aren't been told to get down. I like to do my yoga or sunbathe but just don't feel I can anymore. And the questions!! What are you doing? Why are you doing that? Is your kids playing out ? Why aren't they playing out ? When do they get back? And even though I tell them they are away for a few days they will still ask if they are coming home that day ! At first it was cute and I'm fully aware of their age and inquisitiveness but it has gone beyond that now. I just really can't get my head around why they are letting them stand out there all day and i am not exaggerating when I say all day! They have toys and a paddling pool. A tree house which I would live in!! We have tried ignoring them or shaping disinterest with short answers and I've even pretended to be asleep or putting my headphones in they just get louder! I mentioned to their mum the other day that "oh i was sunbathing the other day with my headphones in and your little one was talking to me I didnt realise for a while as I couldn't hear them I hope your didn't think I was being ignorant" or even "oh our little dd was stood at your fence looking over yesterday while you was having breakfast I didn't realise she was out there for ages I'm sorry I know how sometimes we just need our privacy don't we il make sure it doesn't happen again the little tinker"
Arrrrrgh sorry for the long rant I'm just sat in the house with my coffee because I know they are out there
It's the summer holidays and it's going to be everyday !!!
Get a taller fence?
go to poundstretchers or B&M and buy trellis, keep the nosey buggers out
Tack some trellis onto the fence and grow Russian vine on it.
Why not say to her "actually, your kids staring at us over the fence isnt very enjoyable for us, could you ask them not to do it? We dont really like being stared at all the time".
I dont really understand all the fake "oh our child was doing that, so sorry" in the vague hope that they will pick up on the hidden secret message. Just ask for what you want!
vine takes too long to grow, she needs rid of them by tonight
buy the trellis, hammer it on, buy some large plastic butterfly or some such, you get things like that at poundland, put it on the trellis at exactly the height of their faces, if neighbour says anything say yes the kids love the colours
and it keeps your two out
They'll grow out of it. Mine and neighbours children did this around this age.
At 4, 5, 6, 7 tears old, children just don't have the social graces to understand. They can't read between the lines. Don't infer, tell then straight.
The children wouldn't be offended if you just gave clear instruction: "My DC are not playing today. Please play in your lawn and stop looking over now. You can call for DC tomorrow at 6pm"
the neighbour wont stop her kids staring, she doesnt care, and if they stand there for hours they're out of her hair...
Oh - and I see no reason for trellis, climbers, vine etc. I think it lovely that mine and neighbours children chat over the fence.
It's just about setting, establishing and maintaining boundaries.
they arent chatting, they are standing staring for hours and being extremely annoying
If they're only 5 and 6 I'd just tell them to stop but in a nice way. Something like
(My DC) aren't here at the mo/ are busy at the mo when they are back/ want to play they'll let you know. Anyway I've got stuff to do, get off the fence and go play now.
Or even just can you get off the fence and stop watching me, you've git a garden full of toys etc go play.
Get a remote control sprinkler that you can set off, in their direction, every time they look over the fence. Or a giant water pistol. Or sunbath naked, bet their parents will soon stop them
though the dad might take over
Or just tell them to get down as you want a bit of peace.
Oh I like the spraying them with the hose idea
But I agree, they're not going to be offended if you tell them to
piss off go away. Just do it nicely.
I don't know why you don't just say "go and play in your garden, stop staring into mine".
See I feel terrible because they are lovely kids but you when you just need privacy or when you finally sit down after a week at work the kids are away at their dads , you pour a glass of g&t a good book to sit in the sun and then you just see the heads slowly rise up and it begins ! Thankyou for your suggestions I will try each one in turn and let you know how I get on
Have you tried directly saying "Don't stare over the fence, please, it's rude" to them? Repeat until they get the message. YWNBU to say this to them.
You're not being nice to them by not telling them- you're teaching them that's it's ok to be that rude!
Just see it as doing your duty.
Definitely just tell the kids, they are much less likely to be offended or embarrassed than the parents. It's perfectly acceptable to tell them/ask them not to do it as long as you do it nicely and are not telling them off.
Why "feel terrible" for telling kids to stop doing an antisocial and obnoxious habit ? They have to learn somehow and they are none too young. Just tell them you want privacy now and tgey need to go play. If they won't just matter of factly tell the parents " we would like some privacy, the kids need to stop staring over the fence "
It's a normal and reasonable request you need not feel apologetic over.
I mentioned to their mum the other day that "oh i was sunbathing the other day with my headphones in and your little one was talking to me I didnt realise for a while as I couldn't hear them I hope your didn't think I was being ignorant"
This type of PA behaviour is unlikely to get the result you want. You are actually saying that it's OK and APOLOGISING to them!! read it back.
What you need to say is "it's great our DC get along and play so well. But I find their staring over the fence all the time very intrusive. Can you ask them not to do it please?".
And then if the kids do it again, start telling them to
piss off go away.
Agree with Panda! Just be direct: "Don't keep staring over the fence at me, please. I don't like it."
I agree that dropping hints is just silly. Also surely they would know your dd wasn't staring at them over the fence or if she was then you're just as bad for not telling her?
In your situation I would have no problem chatting for a minute then saying 'we're having lunch now so go and play' or 'I'm putting my headphones in now so go and play'. If that didn't work just go round and speak to the parents about it but don't do it in code - tell them you don't mean to be mean but it's making you feel uncomfortable.
* Now I know they are just kids but it does get to a point where I would expect mum and dad to tell them to get down and stop being nosy but they don't they just sit there*
Is this yet another of those "someone does something I don't like and I refuse to tell them not to but I expect them to stop anyway, magically"?
Just tell them, ffs.
I also don't understand why you can't just tell them to stop staring. You don't need to be rude. Please can you stop staring. I don't like it and I want you to stop.
It wouldn't cross my mind to feel terrible about it. I'd say the same to my own kids.
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