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To think this was rude

(23 Posts)
Yorkshirethrunthru Mon 18-Jul-16 22:55:24

Took dd2 to playgroup last week and when we arrived early they were still setting up and asked us to wait outside until they were ready. Less than a minute later another mum arrived and asked me to move. I stepped to one side and said sorry I was asked to wait, she said well I'm the chairwoman so I can go in. It came across To me in a rather superior and dismissive way and I'm left wondering whether I was wrong for saying anything. Just for context as it may colour the feelinge of dislike that I now have, our older children are in the same class at school and she's never spoken to me, she can stand within feet in the playground and not pass the time of day. I've lived here a year and I beleive she's always lived here.

WorraLiberty Mon 18-Jul-16 23:02:35

Sounds like quite a non event to me.

Although I appreciate that tone can be difficult to convey when you're typing.

She only told you the reason why she didn't have to wait.

As for not speaking to you, well not all parents are particularly chatty. Have you spoken to her much?

Costacoffeeplease Mon 18-Jul-16 23:16:50

But she had every right to go straight in (I assume) so yes yabu

pinkdelight Mon 18-Jul-16 23:29:36

It's just a thing that happened. Not rude, not anything, forget it.

Biscuitbrixit Mon 18-Jul-16 23:32:05

I think it's rather rude that they asked you to wait outside. You could have gone in & helped surely?

bumsexatthebingo Mon 18-Jul-16 23:34:05

Whether she was rude depends on whether she said 'move' or 'excuse me'.

pollylovespie Mon 18-Jul-16 23:34:15

Well I think she sounds unfriendly and unpleasant, but unfortunately some people are like that. Not surprised you don't like her, but I don't think you should give her any more of your headspace!

WorraLiberty Mon 18-Jul-16 23:34:23

Maybe they didn't need or want help? Especially when the OP has a child with her.

How is it rather rude, given that she arrived early?

TheUnsullied Mon 18-Jul-16 23:41:55

Maybe a bit terse but it would barely have registered with me.

wavingnow Mon 18-Jul-16 23:55:10

Very rude. But if she needs to feel superior then don't give her another thought.

PersianCatLady Mon 18-Jul-16 23:55:17

I don't get what the issue is. From what you are saying you should of insinuated to her that she needed to wait with you and she just explained (perhaps a little harshly) why she didn't need to wait.

RobinsAreTerritorialFuckers Mon 18-Jul-16 23:56:11

She might have meant it differently from the way you heard it?

I wonder if she meant 'well, I can go in ... come along!' or something like that?

Sometimes when people are trying to be friendly and you're nervous, you can miss their tone. I'd assume she saw you waiting and thought it seemed a bit standoffish, so clarified to you that she was allowed to go in for a specific reason - she wasn't just going in because it was cliquey.

It also might be she's a little shy?

Biscuitbrixit Tue 19-Jul-16 00:00:09

Wel the whole being told to wait outside & her saying that she's chairperson (she didn't need to mention that) gives an air of superiority I'm better than you attitude from the people running it

OlennasWimple Tue 19-Jul-16 00:11:02

I don't get the issue here confused

sleeponeday Tue 19-Jul-16 00:16:32

Was she bringing her child for drop-off, just as you were - not there to help out in any way? Or was she there to help them set up? Because whether she was rude or not rather depends on context, I think.

ItsABanana Tue 19-Jul-16 00:17:33

I don't get the issue here

Me either, sorry! confused
I appreciate it's hard to convey tone over the internet and none of us were actually there, but how did she say it?
Was it "excuse me, can I get past?"
Or "move it, coming through?!"
She had a legitimate reason for being able to go in early and you didn't.
There's a way of saying stuff though, and if she was more "Oy, shift!" you'd have a point.

hotdiggedy Tue 19-Jul-16 00:23:21

I sense a bit of superiority coming from her.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Tue 19-Jul-16 00:37:39

If she actually used the word move as apose to excuse me please. Then ydnbu. That was very rude
Was it your first week there. If so very off putting.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Tue 19-Jul-16 00:38:26

Her rudness and attitude is the issue.

whatamockerywemake Tue 19-Jul-16 00:39:09

Oh God. I think I TOTALLY got what you were saying (I think). To me, your turned up, were told to wait and then other woman turns up and says "well I [underlined] don't have to wait, and swans in.

Technically, they SHOULDN'T let you in before the start time, because they're not paid or insured for that. And, from your post you were fine with that.

But you were condescended to, and that's not nice.

So... either this woman is toxic Queen Bee who runs the show (in which case, find another playgroup), OR (more satisfying!) watch and wait.. Volunteer to help. they'll SOON usher you in early too!

And, meanwhile, make friends with other mums similarly locked out early.

Good luck!

If I've read this wrong, I apologise!

Bogeyface Tue 19-Jul-16 00:52:00

It would piss me off no end!

"You can wait, you non person, but I am far more important than you and therefore I dont have to follow the rules"

And YWNBU at all to say that you have been asked to wait, I would do the same to save someone else faffing about with going in, being told, coming out again etc.

If you cant find another playgroup then get yourself onto the Board of Governers and the PTFA at "big" school. It wont make any difference but it will piss her off no end when she tries to extend her rule there to find you already in situ! (Seen it done, was very funny for those of use who had been lorded over by Queen Bee grin )

trafalgargal Tue 19-Jul-16 01:00:16

Or maybe as chair she was expected to help set up rather than chill outside

Bogeyface Tue 19-Jul-16 01:36:26

If that was the case then surely she would have said "I am helping set up, see you in there" or similar?

"I am the chairwoman and dont have to wait" suggests that she was more concerned with putting the OP in her place than helping out.

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