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Child knocking on door for DS at unsocialable hours

(75 Posts)
Cosmo111 Mon 18-Jul-16 21:25:48

I've posted here for traffic. DS (8) made friends with a little boy(approx 5-6) on the little street we live in a couple months back. He often stays with his grandparents who live there. They met whilst playing out and have played together on several occasions. They attend the same primary school although they are in different yards. I've been happy for DS to gain some independence playing out but this little boys parents seem very relaxed compared to me, the little boy asked if my DS could go to the park with them when I never met them.

It's started to become a big issue in recent weeks, the little boy would often call fairly late 6-7 for DS. I was happy for DS to go out to play as we were putting down the two youngest DC who's 3 and our newborn baby to bed. The little seems insisted on coming into the house, I explained that it wasn't an appropriate time as we were seeing to the other DC and its different if its on an afternoon. DS went outside with the little boy but they had an argument about him not coming into our house, this resulted in DS coming back in. He said hes getting fed up of playing with this little boy as hes nasty to him calling him names when DS says he cant come in.

I explained he is younger maybe doesn't understand we have small children and that if he doesn't want to play with him that day he doesn't have to. Saturday came and the little boy knocked on the afternoon DS said he didn't want to play out today and was playing with his sister during a space of an hour he called 10 times.

Yesterday the little boy knocked at 6.10 and was told by DH he was at his DF and he returned at 7.30 to be told the same by me. Tonight we had several knocks again calling at 8.30 and 8.55.

ABIU to think that's far too late to be going out? DS was actually in bed asleep at the time. I told him it was far too late to be knocking especially as he continuously knocks and we have small children. I happened to look over and his Nana was out the front watching him.

I do feel sorry for him hes only young and I have suggested DS go out and play with him but the times he is calling are not appropriate. I'm at a loss how to best handle the situation sensitively

Trojanhorsebox Mon 18-Jul-16 21:40:17

He's making a nuisance of himself isn't he? Coming back repeatedly in a short time period, and coming 10 times - that's ridiculous.

Telling him hasn't worked, so next step is politely telling the responsible adult to stop him coming over - he comes once in a day/evening/whatever, if he's told no, you don't want him round again that day.

Next step if that doesn't work is to take him back each & every time, knock on their door to return him, repeatedly interrupt and disturb them until they get it.

He's little, he wants to play - fine. But someone is responsible for supervising him, and if he's allowed to make such a pest of himself, something's gone wrong. Grandparents may want a break and encourage him to come over, whatever, not your problem.

Cosmo111 Mon 18-Jul-16 21:46:03

He was looking into the glass door and knocking several times before we even get to it. On one occasion my DH caught him opening our front door. I've got DS to politely deal with it but it's not working. I don't want to upset him but I see no other way. One of the occasions he came with his older sister who's approx 10 and tonight with his nana watching from a distance. I was pretty taken back by the fact she allowed him to call at such a time. We don't want this going on for 6 weeks especially as we have a young DD and baby. I don't particular want them in and out the house either as my DD would want to go out and she's too young( turning 3 in August) and I'm currently breast feeding my baby. I just don't want to have the conflict with the grandparents but I agree that I don't think I have any option but to do as you suggested.

T0ddlerSlave Mon 18-Jul-16 21:49:18

Think you need to pop round and talk to nana. He can only call at X Y times on certain days, and doesn't guarantee play. Do you tell him it too late tonight the first time and knocking again won't get a different answer?

HarryPottersMagicWand Mon 18-Jul-16 21:51:07

I'd be getting really pissed off with this. I'd tell him not to knock again after the first time. If he did t listen, I'd have to say something to the nan. How ridiculous that she stood watching him at that time of night!

We are getting a bit of an issue with a child calling for DS. They are both 5 and we live on a busy road, this child lives a few doors down but comes and knocks, the mum watches but I'm not going to let my 5 year old out to play, it's too young anyway and I wouldn't on this road. I don't want to set a precident so I'm not inviting him. Sometimes he brings his cousin too who is in the year above DS and the cousin has just walked into my house. Then as our back walls are low, as soon as they spot DS outside, they bellow over constantly while we are in the garden. It's really irritating and I don't know what I'll do when they are all older. This child is very persistent. We ignored the front door the other day and I could see him stood outside for ages before he gave up!

Cosmo111 Mon 18-Jul-16 21:53:55

I told him tonight it was too late and we have small children in bed and that was DS was also in bed.
Seems such an odd time to be wanting to go out and play given that it's 9pm.. He's only 5/6 I'm shocked he wasn't in bed. My DH spoke to him yday and said my DS was at his DF but came again and I answered I don't know what he expected given that my DH had already told him where DS was.

Neome Mon 18-Jul-16 21:55:00

Could you use a kind of gro-clock approach? Make a picture to stick on the door which says the equivalent of please do not disturb. Possibly big enough for grandparents to see from a distance!
For some reason I'm imagining a large pumpkin, cinderella on my mind maybe smile
It would mean you remembering to change pictures from visits welcome to dnd...

Trojanhorsebox Mon 18-Jul-16 21:55:53

nana watching from a distance. I was pretty taken back by the fact she allowed him to call at such a time

So she knows he's doing it and she lets him - I'd be speaking to her about it. She can have him up as late as she wants at her house, but tell her it's too late for him to be round at your place with your family.

Shame you have a glass door, I wouldn't be answering, can you put a curtain over it? If he carries on knocking when you don't answer, frogmarch him home. From your original post it doesn't sound like your son enjoys playing with him much anyway and the age difference at that age is quite big.

You don't need to be rude or cruel, just politely state your boundaries and stick to them.

Cosmo111 Mon 18-Jul-16 22:02:28

I feel a little bit sorry for him in a way. We have meal time together followed by bath time then settle for the night time. He doesn't seem to have much of a routine.

I think DS has felt obliged to go out a play with the little boy but he's just had enough now. He seems more bothered about his Xbox then playing out the front. The glass is frosted but I'm concerned that the constant knocking waking up the DC.

MsJamieFraser Mon 18-Jul-16 22:06:49

It's my the child who is making a nuisance of himself hmm he's a very young child, you need to be having words with his guardians to say that he cannot knock on your door after X time

MsJamieFraser Mon 18-Jul-16 22:07:23

It's not*

Voddy4 Mon 18-Jul-16 22:12:14

He sounds like he is bored and just wants to play with your son which is sweet....however the times he is coming over and the frequency is a joke. I would tell his grandmother not to let him over past a certain time and keep reiterating this if he comes past this time.

Cosmo111 Mon 18-Jul-16 22:13:28

DS has told to stop knocking but he continued to knock so he has been asked to stop.

MintyChops Mon 18-Jul-16 22:19:14

Fuck that, I would be speaking to his grandparents tomorrow to say that he has been disturbing your evening routine and waking your younger DC (a white lie never hurt). He may not call over after 6pm as you are winding down then with bath time etc. Please make sure that he does not come over after 6pm.

WorraLiberty Mon 18-Jul-16 22:23:25

Forget about the time for a minute...

Saturday came and the little boy knocked on the afternoon DS said he didn't want to play out today and was playing with his sister during a space of an hour he called 10 times.

See now by the 3rd knock, I would have been very firm with him and told him in no uncertain terms, not to knock again.

If the knocked a 4th time, I would have been straight over to speak to his parents/grandparents.

Why did nobody do this? He knocked ten bloody times in 1 hour?? confused

marblestatue Mon 18-Jul-16 22:24:26

Speak to the adults, and set ground rules about when he can/can't knock, which could be not at all if your DS doesn't actually want to play. Perhaps the grandmother used to always have friends calling round when she was young and thinks its just what you do. Let her know what your own boundaries are.

Cosmo111 Mon 18-Jul-16 22:24:30

I think I'm going to have to although I hate confrontation I can't see another alterative

Cosmo111 Mon 18-Jul-16 22:28:48

Worra I was busy feeding a baby at the time to be getting up to answer the door.DS answered.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Mon 18-Jul-16 22:30:21

Is his nanna on glue. Allowing him to knock at that time. School holidays or not. They should be at the very least winding down if not in bed

Cosmo111 Mon 18-Jul-16 22:33:28

*Ilive*that's what I would of thought aswell

bumsexatthebingo Mon 18-Jul-16 22:36:10

shock that after about the 3rd time you were still answering the door when he knocked 10 times. Did you give the impression your ds would be out later or something? If you have told him your ds isn't going out to play that day and asked him not to knock again I would ignore the door. If he's knocking when your younger children are in bed or trying the door then I would speak to the gps. I would definitely tell a white lie like the pp suggested and say that he's woken the little ones knocking so they can see he's being a bit of a pest. It might also remind them what time young kids should be going to bed!

Rowanhart Mon 18-Jul-16 22:38:48

Ah bless him. Sounds like your home/routine/life is appealing to him in some way. He's only five.

ninenicknames Mon 18-Jul-16 22:39:26

Blimey I'm in bed by 9pm most nights!

Cosmo111 Mon 18-Jul-16 22:41:20

DS kept opening the door it was several knocks. I was breast feeding my baby who was crying so my priority was him.

WorraLiberty Mon 18-Jul-16 22:41:51

So you put the baby down and put a stop to the knocking, surely?

It does sound like it's more about the fact you hate 'confrontation'.

But simply going to the house and saying "Oh hi, I'm X's Mum. Your little one seems to be knocking a bit too late for X recently, and the other day he knocked 10 times in an hour. Kids huh? What are they like? Do you think you could have a word with him please? Thanks" smile

That ^^ is not 'confrontation'. It's communication.

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