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AIBU to find friend totally unreasonable?

(116 Posts)
squashandsqueeze123 Mon 18-Jul-16 21:10:17

I have just found out that I am expecting a baby girl. Prior to finding out, I have had several friends suggest names for both sexes and my closest friend mentioned a girl's name which I love (and, surprisingly, so does my DH) however when I told friend that it was a great suggestion, she asked me not to use it as it is the only girl's name that she likes and that it hadn't been a suggestion but just her telling me it was a name she likes. I didn't respond to this at the time as DH and I didn't know the sex and minds can change. However, since finding out the sex, we still love the name and when I mentioned this to friend, recently, she got quite upset and said that we can't use the name because, as she'd already said, it's the only girl's name she likes. I was really taken aback and quickly changed the subject (I had no idea what to say!) but I'm feeling like my friend is being really unreasonable as she isn't pregnant, isn't trying to get pregnant (to my knowledge) and could end up with all boys even when she does! AIBU? If not, any ideas how to address it?

Laststop Mon 18-Jul-16 21:13:59

Well you have to tell us the name before we can help you , but nobody owns a name so not much she can do

TheOptimisticPessimist Mon 18-Jul-16 21:14:21

It's Shayla of course grin

mzS1990 Mon 18-Jul-16 21:26:07

She's being ridiculous. She doesn't own the name. Even if she was pregnant you could still use it!

wheresthel1ght Mon 18-Jul-16 21:37:51

My gut says she is being a twat but I guess it depends on how good a friend she is and how much you value that friendship/can live without it.

Is there an alternative spelling maybe or a very similar name that you could use?

Without knowing the name we can't really help too much

Dakin1 Mon 18-Jul-16 21:39:39

Congratulations! So what's the name?

HarryPottersMagicWand Mon 18-Jul-16 21:43:53

Everyone will tell you that she doesn't own the name and you have every right to use it.

However I don't agree. Me and DH were set on a girls name for 8 years. We never knew if we would have a girl but if we did, that would be her name. We did have a DD and she does have that name. If I had mentioned to a friend that this was my favourite name and they went and used it I'd be pretty pissed off about it! There are plenty of lovely girls names around, you can easily find one of your own.

What is the name?

amithatmum Mon 18-Jul-16 21:45:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HunterHearstHelmsley Mon 18-Jul-16 21:47:03

It doesn't sound as though her friend said "this is my favourite" though.. Just suggested a name!

PenelopePitstops Mon 18-Jul-16 21:50:45

This is why you don't mention names until the baby is born. Neither of you own it and anyone can choose any name they like.

In real life who the fuck tells anyone the name before its born? And who stores a name to use for 8 years and tells everyone?

acasualobserver Mon 18-Jul-16 21:51:07

be a nice friend and choose another name

But what "nice friend" would lay claim to a name in the first place? In any case, what's to stop her using it too? Her and thousands of others? FFS, call your kid what you like.

youshouldcancelthecheque Mon 18-Jul-16 21:53:38

Are you Rachel Green?

mzS1990 Mon 18-Jul-16 21:54:32

This is when I we realise that Rachel and Monica are friendship goals

EveEve13 Mon 18-Jul-16 21:55:40

While no one 'owns' a name (amd she should never have told you!), if you use it - be prepared to lose her friendship. She has asked you twice not to use it. I would look for something else... Lots of names out there.
Share it and we can suggest alternatives ..

Vixxfacee Mon 18-Jul-16 21:55:51


WannaBe Mon 18-Jul-16 21:56:36

She's being a twat. Nobody owns a name. Anyone who is annoyed about a name they might use in the future for a hypothetical child which hasn't actually even been conceived yet is unreasonable.

GabsAlot Mon 18-Jul-16 21:57:07

so she didnt specifically say oh i love so and so and its whatim going to name my daughter?

anyway she doesnt own it so use it

rachel always nicked things off monica

AddToBasket Mon 18-Jul-16 21:58:21

YANBU - but that isn't going to help you here.

Friendship or name, it sounds like. And I would go for friendship. You have the imagination to think of something else.

I had this with a friend (although I wasn't asked not to use it just that they liked it as far as I was aware)
I didn't know what we were having until DC arrived and we used the name. Friend got upset, texts were sent through anger. They quickly got over it.

Friends side of the story was that I did know they wanted to use the name.

Keep the name on the list but have a look around. There are literally loads of cool baby girl names at the moment!

squashandsqueeze123 Mon 18-Jul-16 22:00:17

I don't think the actual name is relevant and I'd rather not say in case said friend sees this post. Sorry! I don't want to be a bad friend but also feel that I could not use the name to be a good friend and yet she one day ends up with only boys (it is not a unisex name)! Also, I have no issue whatsoever with her using the name if she does have a girl, one day! So what I would really like is some advice as to how to say all this to her?

toadgirl Mon 18-Jul-16 22:00:19

When friends "steal" a baby name.

Funny clip.

BolshierAryaStark Mon 18-Jul-16 22:00:49

Of course no one owns a name however if she's a good friend I would try to come up with another-she's clearly very attached to this particular name as she has requested more than once that you don't use it. She shouldn't have mentioned the name to you though, that was a daft error on her part.

Froginapan Mon 18-Jul-16 22:00:56

With friends like this...

MrsTerryPratchett Mon 18-Jul-16 22:00:57

I knew what DD would be called years before I ever thought I would even have children. But I knew that if I ever did, that would be her name.

The name isn't owned by anyone, it isn't possible to bagsy a name etc. But if one of my friends had used 'my' name, I would have been very very upset.

toadgirl Mon 18-Jul-16 22:01:08

Ask her if she thinks behaving like George Constanza is wise wink

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