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AIBU to not want a diamond ring?

(28 Posts)
Hushabyelullaby Mon 18-Jul-16 20:04:11

Sorry if this is long, but I don't want to drip feed.

I have been with DH for almost 18 years and married for 10. I have a white gold, diamond solitaire, engagement ring, a white gold wedding ring, and a white gold and diamond eternity ring.

Nine years ago I became a wheelchair user, which has destroyed my engagement ring. I push myself around, and the ring has already had the claws (that hold the diamond in place) replaced 4 times, as the ring gets worn against the rims of my wheels. I have rubber grips covering them, so it's not like it's metal against metal.

On saturday the back of my earring dropped on the floor, or so I thought, my friend picked it up and said 'it's not an earring back, that's for sure', it was the diamond out of my engagement ring. I now find out that not only are the claws eroded, but that the diamond is cracked too, so basically it's not worth fixing the ring.

I have seen a lovely sterling silver and swarovski crystal engagement ring, which I would be quite happy to wear. Can people really tell the difference between platinum, white gold and silver? And tbh should it matter?

I understand silver is a harder metal than gold and would wear it down if worn together, so i'd need to replace my wedding ring (seen exactly the same one in sterling silver), and my eternity ring (seen similar). If I were to change them i'd obviously keep my surviving rings.

As you can see from the pic, the stone is set low in the ring and is not held in by claws but a solid circle of metal. The stone is a little larger than the diamond in my engagement ring was.

DH and I aren't bothered by how much things cost, to us it's the meaning behind them. So, WIBU to go for this as a replacement?

Goingtobeawesome Mon 18-Jul-16 20:08:12

Not at all.

I have four expensive rings. For irrelevant reasons DH has bought me a ring from M&S costing I reckon less than £25. When all my rings catch the light you can't tell which is real.

I like having decent rings but tbh the meaning behind the cheap one is worth something too.

ShatnersBassoon Mon 18-Jul-16 20:08:40

I didn't replace or repair my engagement ring when it broke. It seemed pointless, having been married for years when it broke. I'm not sentimental and didn't want to spend a lot of money to mark an engagement that had been cancelled by marriage years before!

So no, YANBU to just buy a ring that you like. Wear whatever you like. Nobody will notice of ifit isn't as expensive as those it sits with.

TheCraicDealer Mon 18-Jul-16 20:12:10

Of course you wouldn't be unreasonable, but realistically the same thing is going to happen with whatever you replace it with. And a cheaper one is unlikely to last you another nine years, so you could be looking at it in a decade's time having had another couple in the interim! Of course, you may be delighted at the opportunity of picking a new one every few years, but equally you could be getting further and further away from the sentiment of the original ring. That's how I'd feel, and I might be talking balls, but I think I'd be gunning for a pair of impressive diamond earrings grin

Ilovewillow Mon 18-Jul-16 20:20:56

Not unreasonable at all! The ring looks very nice! I imagine the only people who can tell the difference are jewellers!

Penfold007 Mon 18-Jul-16 20:21:07

Just go with what suits you. For what it is worth I think the ring you have pictured is very pretty.

ShelaghTurner Mon 18-Jul-16 20:32:32

My engagement ring doesn't fit my big fat sausage fingers me so I can't wear it but I love sparkles. I bought myself a diamonique solitaire for £20 and only DH and my mum know it's not real. Everyone else comments on how lovely it is.

dentydown Mon 18-Jul-16 20:40:44

Not unreasonable. It is your finger, you get to choose what goes on it!
Have you thought of a good quality stainless steel ring? They are tough!
Currently I have a replica viking pewter engagement/eternity ring DP doesn't know about it yet

Mouikey Mon 18-Jul-16 20:42:46

I lost lots of weight and can't wear either my engagement or wedding ring. Instead I wear a single ring with a precious and rare stone only found in one town in the US it cost about £50 and is silver. I love it - wear what you want, don't feel you need to conform xx

Birdsgottafly Mon 18-Jul-16 21:15:06

I know lots of women who have replaced their Diamonds with Diamonque from QVC.

I've got a Diamonque ring, earrings and pendant.

They are nice rings, set like diamonds would be and mimic them, well.

AdjustableWench Mon 18-Jul-16 21:25:52

I can definitely tell the difference between silver and white gold (they're different colours) but I don't think it matters. The important thing is that you like whatever jewellery you are wearing as a symbol of your marriage.

Silver is actually quite soft and it dents easily, so might not be ideal. It also tarnishes. I wonder if it's worth looking at harder metals, such as tungsten or titanium. Any ring with a stone might be difficult to wear in the circumstances, but a diamond solitaire necklace might be a good alternative. If it were me, I'd probably go for a tungsten or stainless steel ring for durability and a diamond necklace for sparkles. But if you talk to a good jeweller they can give you some advice.

MoonStar07 Mon 18-Jul-16 22:39:08

How did your diamond crack?! I didn't know they could

MoonStar07 Mon 18-Jul-16 22:39:18

Crack that is

noeuf Mon 18-Jul-16 22:42:48

Does it matter to you to wear it on your finger? Personally I'd get it fixed and wear it on a chain, but you may not want this. (Or I'd get a tattooed version)

MoonStar07 Mon 18-Jul-16 22:50:06

I like the chain idea

AndNowItsSeven Mon 18-Jul-16 22:53:25

Shatners marriage fulfills the engangment not cancels it!

ShatnersBassoon Mon 18-Jul-16 22:57:16

Well whatever, I was no longer engaged. That was the obvious point I was making.

PersianCatLady Mon 18-Jul-16 22:58:21

If you are happy then I don't see why he wouldn't be happy? I actually think that you are being very sensible given your situation. I think that the ring in the photo is lovely and if that is what you want I think that is what you should have.

Muskateersmummy Mon 18-Jul-16 23:01:23

Silver is much softer than gold. It will wear and change shape much quicker. Platinum is the strongest. So if you want something that's your best bet. You can also look to have palladium which is similar to platinum but a bit lighter weight. But ultimately have whatever makes you happy. Try to go for something that is maybe more of a rub over or Chanel set that will take knocks and bumps better than something with claws.

PokemonGo Mon 18-Jul-16 23:09:51

Diamonds can crack as they can have natural flaws.

I think you can have any ring you want but the one you have chosen doesn't look very sturdy and I wonder if it might break easily.

What about a platinum eternity style ring. Platinum is very hard wearing.

nooka Mon 18-Jul-16 23:38:41

If it's the meaning that matters then I don't really understand the rationale behind replacing all your rings with completely new ones, which presumably would then have no emotional meaning to you.

I think that if you aren't too worried about cost I'd go and see a good jeweler/goldsmith and talk to them about your needs and see what ideas they have for a hard wearing ring. They might well be able to reset your stone or find something similar, and if they can't then designing a ring together is pretty cool I think. We're doing this for dh as he lost his wedding ring, and we're having a new family set made (dd and I are going for pendants instead).

Hushabyelullaby Tue 19-Jul-16 09:46:39

Thanks for all your advice. The diamond looks whole and not cracked, but a couple of jewellers have said that it's cracked inside and therefore flawed.

Palladium seems a good option as it's so hard wearing. The more I think about it, the more I think that I don't actually need to replace my wedding and eternity ring. I love them, and if it comes to me having to then I will look at that at the time.

These are my existing rings

Porcupinetree Tue 19-Jul-16 10:47:20

YANBU I hace/had a beautiful wedding ring which due to unfortunately circumstances had to be cut off my finger. It has been replaced with a much less valuable one which looks absolutely good just different.

AdjustableWench Tue 19-Jul-16 16:02:45

Your rings are beautiful! If they're not at risk of getting damaged (as your engagement ring did), then of course there's no need to replace them.

But if you replace your engagement ring with a harder metal such as palladium, it could scratch your gold rings... Unless you wear it on the other hand, I suppose.

The other thing with harder metals is that they can't be resized, so if there's any chance that your finger joints could be affected by arthritis, you could think about getting a hinged ring. I have a friend who has a wedding ring with a hinge and it's really cool!

crayfish Tue 19-Jul-16 16:08:39

Palladium is a good alternative to platinum, just as hard wearing but lighter and cheaper. My rings are palladium and I can tell the difference between them an platinum jewellery I have. Silver and white gold look quite different though.

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