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To want a cheerleader?

(15 Posts)
LetsGetReadyToGrumble Mon 18-Jul-16 16:40:05

I'm feeling like I have no one there for the good and bad times in life other than my DH. He's wonderful but not the most animated or emotional of chaps. I have no parents and my friends and brother seem to have a lot going on in their own lives at all times.

I come from a very difficult upbringing and in the last few years have achieved quite a lot that was probably not expected of me. I passed my driving test and my DH was thrilled but his family turned it around and congratulated him for helping to teach me. I achieved a 1st class degree and received congratulatory texts from a couple of friends, nothing more was said and no one came to my graduation. I then managed to get a prestigious scholarship for postgraduate studies at a top uni, again no real interest from anyone. I won a couple of prizes for contributions in my field of study, no one took much notice. I have now landed a job way beyond my level due to my accomplishments and have started it without a peep of congratulations from anyone. Another person started the same day as me and come in with all kinds of sweet gifts and mementos from friends and family, got calls on breaks asking how it was going and had a meal planned for the end of the week to celebrate the new job.

Just feeling a bit rubbish really sad I am genuinely happy if anything good happens to the people in my life but I don't feel anyone reciprcates it. I look at other people going on celebratory dinners, getting sentimental cards, announcements on Facebook, etc and I join in on all of that but never have it retuned.

Mov1ngOn Mon 18-Jul-16 16:42:14

I hear you. It sucks doesn't it sad

DoNotBlameMeIVotedRemain Mon 18-Jul-16 17:41:29

Surely this should be DH's job if parents are not around?

MagicMojito Mon 18-Jul-16 17:53:24

star<waves pom poms>star

That all sounds amazing. Well done OP that much more than I'll (or even alot of people!) will ever achieve in their lives!

Shame on them for not at least giving you a pat on the back. You should be very proud of yourself! smile

LetsGetReadyToGrumble Mon 18-Jul-16 17:57:16

DH does the whole 'congratulations, I'm so proud of you, you're incredible' thing and I am unbelievably grateful to have that. It's just that's the end of it. There's no one else to tell or get a reaction from and I can't really expect DH to be congratulating me daily.

Thank you, Magic grin can I keep you in my cupboard and get you out for all of my special occasions? grin

LoreleiGilmoreIsMyBFF Mon 18-Jul-16 18:00:54

Well I think you've done bloody amazingly well & you're an inspiration to people like me who feel a bit stuck in a rut. You didn't think you could do any of this, and yet you have. Yes, it would be lovely if people showed a bit more interest, but don't forget the old green-eyed monster can sometimes contribute to a lack of visible enthusiasm. At the end of the day, YOU know you have surpassed your own expectations, and you should be extremely proud of what you've achieved. I say 'bloody well done, you!'. In fact, you've inspired me to send off for my provisional license - I may be 41, but better late than never! Re-read your post, look at everything you've done & how far you've come. Approval from others is nice, but it's never as important as your own self-worth. You rock!

CMOTDibbler Mon 18-Jul-16 18:05:36

Wow, you have done so well! flowers

I know what you mean though, I just have dh and ds to be proud of me and its really hard sometimes

Meemolly Mon 18-Jul-16 18:10:33

Ah OP, you've done amazingly well! Maybe everyone is just in awe of you and doesn't know what to say. Ultimately, I agree that you are the only one who counts here. Try to stop comparing yourself with your colleague, maybe step back from facebook when you feel like this, take a moment to just congratulate yourself on YOUR hard work and YOUR achievement. I have a friend who needs me to be her constant cheerleader and I am getting so resentful and sick of it and I wish she would just be her own one as she has no idea I even exist most of the time beyond what she needs so I think you will do well just to be your own cheerleader.

Tagetes Mon 18-Jul-16 18:12:02

If Magic can squeeze up a bit I'll get in your cupboard as well. Bloody brilliant - well done you! Keep on blowing your own trumpet good and loud flowers

MollyTwo Mon 18-Jul-16 18:13:19

Wow well done op!! Sucks that others can't recognize your achievement but no one can take it away from you. star

SwearyGodmother Mon 18-Jul-16 18:17:26

I completely understand where you're coming from - I have a very dysfunctional background FOO and never felt cheered on. My niece has taken on that role but as she lives overseas I don't get a lot of that (and she's 6 so it can seem very odd with "see auntie Sweary, I knew you could do it" and "I believe in you auntie Sweary")

Anyway, this sounds odd but bear with me. DH bought me a my little pony (and I'm not a toys person at all) to be my cheerleader, so when nobody else apart from him cheers me on, gets me excited at my achievements I'm to assign that task to the toy. It actually works in making me my own cheerleader but outsourcing the emotion. I also have sticker charts (dinosaurs for standing up for myself, robots for showing affection, cakes for learning new skills) and can award myself stickers. It's been great for boosting my self esteem.

Can you be your own cheerleader/project the cheerleading? You've done marvellously well and should be so proud that other people's voices shouldn't matter.

redexpat Mon 18-Jul-16 19:24:54


LetsGetReadyToGrumble Mon 18-Jul-16 19:43:00

Aaaaand now I'm crying

grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin

Thank you all so much you truly wonderful people!

I absolutely could be better at cheering myself on and showing pride in my own achievements. I tend to downplay things to strangers (like new work colleagues) so will have to work on not doing that, obviously without swinging into full on boasting! Great point about stepping back from Facebook, always puts a bummer on things when I see others with family and friends congratulating them.

You know what, I'm going to do some online shoe shopping right now as a treat for doing well smile I've been thinking about booking a solo holiday too, take my Grumble's Celebration Party for One abroad!!

Meemolly Wed 20-Jul-16 11:11:05

You rock Grumble, I wish I knew you in real life! I am fab at downplaying myself too and often end up wondering why I have just convinced someone else I am a pointless waste of space (why, oh why why why do we do that - especially you as you clearly rock!)... but you're right it's all about balance and not going in to full on boasting would be good too.
So yes, you can do all this for yourself, buy some lovely shoes and go on a lovely holiday and celebrate the wonderfulness that is you... this is a lovely thread also so thank you for starting it. I wish there were more versions of you around.

DragonRojo Wed 20-Jul-16 14:36:46

Blimey, congratulations! You have achieved so much. As PP said, I wish I knew you in real life. You must be very interesting to talk to.

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