AIBU to find most of my friends annoying atm?

[ardnassac]

I'm in my 30s and am lucky enough to have accumulated quite a few friends from different bits of my life (school, uni, different workplaces etc.).

I always used to enjoy seeing each and all of them but recently their little quirks and mannerisms have been driving me up the wall. E.g. one person being too touchy, one person moaning on and on about how no-one will ever love them and they will always be single, one lady turning into a complete Bridezilla, one person making inappropriate jokes about how we used to go out EVERY time I see them.

They can't all have suddenly become irritating at the same time, so it must be me?! Despite what I've written above, I (like to!) think I'm a nice friend and person... I try my best to be, anyway! No doubt I have many irritating habits too. But I'm getting to the point where I dread seeing most of them because will spend my entire time trying not to show that I am irritated.

Perhaps it's me and I've become touchy or less relaxed than I used to be (this could well be it). Perhaps we just have less in common as our lives move in different directions. Has this ever happened to anyone else?

[JapanNextYear]

Peri menopause made me markedly less tolerant of my friends' quirks...

[MargaretCavendish]

Yes, me - and it was one of the early warning signs of a major depressive episode. I'm not saying it's necessarily this serious, but it might be worth thinking about other changes you've noticed in your own mood (and physical things too - sleeping patterns, appetite). Even if you're not ill, do you think it might be a sign that you're not happy in yourself?

[KayTee87]

I feel exactly the same at the moment but I'm almost 40 weeks pregnant...

[TheBiscuitStrikesBack]

I was like this when I was suffering, as yet undiagnosed, PND.

[crayfish]

I felt like this when I was going through my divorce. I just couldn't be ARSED with anyone and everyone irritated me. Even good friends who I usually love seeing. It was just a manifestation of stress and anxiety on my side, rather than anything they were actually doing. Is there anything going on for you that is making you stressed/depressed/anxious?

[ardnassac]

I had wondered whether it was a sign of me feeling down/stressed (I've also been sleeping a lot) as dad has been ill recently. But the rest of my life is going pretty well - love my job, nice flat, cat, boyfriend etc. I mean, there's no reason for me to feel down... though I guess there doesn't need to be a specific reason?

How did you get through the irritation? At the moment I'm turning down invitations which I can do for a short period of time but not indefinitely!

[MargaretCavendish]

But the rest of my life is going pretty well - love my job, nice flat, cat, boyfriend etc. I mean, there's no reason for me to feel down... though I guess there doesn't need to be a specific reason?

No, there really doesn't need to be. Although for some people depression/anxiety are responses to specific situations, for others there can be no obvious 'cause' - this can be very difficult as people often feel guilty for feeling depressed when they 'should' feel good. I really think you should consider seeing your GP and talking about how you've been feeling.

On getting through the irritation - I found it much easier to see people one-on-one than in a big group. Maybe consider sharing with a couple of the closest friends that you're having a bit of a tough time, and that this is making social interaction difficult for you at the moment? (I'd describe it like that, rather than outright telling them that you find them irritating!) In my experience people can be very understanding about invitations being turned down, but they do need to be told that something is going on as otherwise they'll read it as laziness/lack of interest on your part.

One final piece of advice: you mention that you have a lovely boyfriend, and presumably he's not irritating you like your friends are? This was the case for me; my now husband was the only person whose company I found comforting/enjoyable. This caused a problem, though: I became much too reliant on him, and so put him (and in turn our relationship) under stress. Make sure you don't put the whole emotional burden on one person, even if its really tempting to do so.

[StillDrSethHazlittMD]

Oddly enough, I'm finding this (but as a 42-yr old man, I doubt it's peri-menopause). I do think as we age, we can all change - both ourselves and our friends.

I have a pair of friends who I'm very fond of in a group of about six of us, but of late I have found that they both drink far too much and far too often (her mother is alcoholic and I suspect they are probably functioning alcoholics). Whereas we all used to go out and do things as a group, these days it is always "anyone up for a quiet pint tonight or tomorrow" and whereas I might have two alcoholic drinks that night, they will drink to excess. And that is become their standard routine every Friday and Saturday night. We're not teenagers now (and I never drank heavily then). I find that boring. However, I've also noticed that another friend who also drank very little is now drinking more because of them.

Their idea of a weekend away is to sit in the pub the whole weekend. My idea of hell. So, gradually, I am spending less time with them. I still make sure I see them occasionally, and I enjoy their company if they aren't drinking. But I'm recognising friendships can be fluid (excuse pun).

[RB68]

I find myself less tolerant of others in generally when I am stressed, busy or sinking (wouldn't say depression but there are definite ups and downs over periods of time, am learning to catch myself - slowly).

I back off, change the situations I see them in or interact with them differently.

I think men do get changes as they grow older - its just more marked in women than men - GOM syndrome for e.g.

[Sonders]

It's a long shot but a few weeks ago I felt similar - except I hated everything. I've never felt so mean in all my life, and I was angry with myself for being so full of hate as I'm normally the complete opposite!

It took me a couple days to realise that it was because I'd had a new contraceptive implant and it was making my hormones go insane!

[Babyroobs]

I feel the same way usually about my collegues. I find a good proportion of them highly irritating which is not good as I have to spend a good portion of my week with them ! Their seemingly perfect lives/ endless blooming holidays/ socialising with ech other etc. I think when you are stressed / depressed ( as I am) then you do find peopl irritating. Fortunately i don't feel this way about my group of close friends.