To not want second hand clothes for DC from MIL?(177 Posts)
So I'm due with my second DC and MIL has passed a few gifts over to us from her similarly to when our DS was born a number of years ago. I am very grateful and love that she has gone to the trouble to buy things however in the same way she did with our DS she has been to car boot sales and bought second hand clothes ranging from outfits to bodysuits (when DS was born we also had an old Moses basket bought and similar baby essentials which we had already bought new so they ended up being spare thankfully!). I can tell she has washed them and I'm sure they have probably come from a good home but I can't help but feel a bit annoyed again that for her only grandchildren (both novelty as previously have a DS and now expecting a DD - both her only DGC) she has bought on the cheap. For the cost of a pack of bodysuits from asda it's nothing but hate idea of putting DC in previously soiled bodysuits knowing just how dirty they can get!
Don't get me wrong I've been given hand me downs by a very close relative and close friends whom I feel comfortable with - no poop stained bodysuits, good quality outfits which had hardly been worn / still had tags on! I guess I know where they've come from and I have decided to have these rather than being passed them as a gift.
Me and DH are in a fortunate position where we can afford to splurge a little as can she, and we nor she would buy clothes for ourselves second hand (I'm not disrespecting anyone who does at all so please don't think me being rude, it's just not what we do), but I just can't understand why she thinks reasonable for our child to have these and to be passed as a gift? My DH wasn't overly happy either but didn't say anything to her on either occasion. Strangely she doesn't do it so often since DS has grown up, it tends to be asda sale items which are sometimes a bit hit and miss (just my personal taste of her 'bargain finds' - again nothing wrong with asda!) and he'll wear them whilst he's at her house despite me packing other clothes! I guess I'll do like last time and put them to the bottom of the drawer never to be used but but AIBU (or hormonal due to pregnancy!!)??
Um, i think YABU. If they're nice clothes so what if they're second hand?
She said she doesn't do this as much now with your DS - that's probably because children's clothes get a lot more worn
ruined than baby stuff. Babies grow fast and don't do a right lot so the clothes can be passed down a couple of times i find.
I think a lot of new baby clothes are a waste of money tbh...maybe your MIL does too.
All things considered YABU to waste energy thinking about it. Just shove the stuff in a drawer and forget about it or pack it straight back to a charity shop.
It sounds like she likes rummaging and has a focus for her rummages with a new baby.
Good luck with the new arrival.
I don't think YABU. If I were a MIL I wouldn;t do this unless I knew for sure that DIL had no issues with second hand. It's a bit presumptuous.
Not everyone likes second hand and that's fine.
I would just donate them to a charity shop OP but I wouldn't say anything.
Are the boot sale clothes actually stained?
She is trying to help you.
I'm interested in how you think second hand clothes are contaminated provided they are fresh, clean and in good condition?
Maybe have a word with her about how your child has so many things already and perhaps if she wants she could invest in saving account name here as you're saving for his university education.
You're really very lucky to have someone who cares so much to go out of their way to help you and your child.
YABU to be honest.
You can get much better quality stuff second hand, better than a cheap pack of sleepsuits from Asda.
And how come second hand stuff from your friend is OK? Do her kids not shit?
Lots of people buy second hand baby stuff cause it's used for such a little time it's a bit of a waste buying new everything. Maybe she's just one of those people who thinks new stuff for babies is a bit pointless?
I've bought loads of second hand stuff from NCT and other sales, mainly because baby will be in it for such a short period of time and the items have been near immaculate. Additionally I have also bought loads of new stuff and washed it all which means it cannot be taken back for a refund - no doubt I will sell this on when baby doesn't need it - some I guess will never be worn!
Even though we could afford a new cot we also purchased that secondhand - it's beautiful, in excellent condition and saved us nearly £800 (because it's a super expensive one new!). We then went and got a brand new mattress for it and no one knows the difference, least of all baby!!!
As long as the stuff is in great condition and is washed, what's the problem no one will know! Means nicer things later on 😊
Yanbu I used to get hand me downs on occasion as a child and I hated it. Clothes are cheap as chips these days Asda,tesco etc not to meantion the sales. My auntie has done this several times despite knowing my feelings on the matter I refused them for DS and DD they got enough clothes off people when they were born but also I like to take pride I what I choose for my DC to wear they are an extension of me. You have two choices either put them in a charity shop or kindly tell her thank you but you much prefer new.
I doubt she means it unkindly so just say thanks and keep the odd thing for like a cardi or something for some occasions when she visits.
It won't do the baby any harm and will keep good relations with someone that you probably don't want to fall out with and certainly not at such a highly emotional time.
Thanks totally understand where you're all coming from, guess it's just my personal preference that I don't like second hand clothes when I don't know where they've come from. The items she has bought are second hand body suits from the likes of asda so seems like double cheap economy IYSWIM and some do have some slight staining.
I don't think we would of said anything to her to cause offence, I was just a little put out
Is it nice stuff? You can get some lovely second-hand things that have hardly been worn for a quid in one of our local charity shops. I don't like buying grotty tatty clothes for the sake of saving money either, but there are perfectly good things out there that have plenty of wear left in them to be had.
However, if you don't like it- then you don't like it I s'pose. It's your kid at the end of the day.
I think you need to figure your issue. You say you are grateful, that it costs the same as getting stuff at asda. The you say you are annoyed she has bought on the cheap.
Just because she is only has 2 GC I don't see how that changes what she is doing.
I hear you. i got bags and bags of second hand stuff from a friend when dd was born. I went through it and made piles of - straight to bin, emergency clothes for changing bag/back of car, day to day wear.
I also got the occasional gem which was worn regularly.
If you can do his with the stuff then it may make the whole thing seem less pointless.
Personally, I am not a car booter as I hate rummaging. I can't even stand it in shops so I don't really get it.
If she is generally otherwise nice just ignore.
As others have suggested, put it all in a bag and hide it away until you can give it to someone else or give it to a charity shop. Next time you see MIL tell her not to buy any more things as you have plenty now.
I would talk to her and very gently say that you want new for your dd, quite normal as she's your first dd and if MIL isn't broke, why would she not spend equivalent amounts on new in Asda? Pointless her wasting time rummaging when you won't use the stuff.
My family pass round clothes, a mate of mine passes on only designer labels, so my cousin benefitted massively when her dd2 was born last month.
What do you do with all your own old/unwanted clothes?
She is NBU to give it to you but YANBU to not want it.
Stained stuff is different but perhaps she didn't notice it's easy enough to miss things like that.
To be honest I'd boxed up all my DS clothes on the basis of we had a second DS but even then I'd chucked anything stained like bodysuits
As i say I don't think we would of said anything I just wanted to know if I was BU by feeling a bit out out by it
You know what? It's totally up to you what you put on your beautiful NEW baby, no one else should have any say on how you SHOULD feel/do.
So just thank her and give the things you don't want to charity and enjoy your baby in the clothes that make you comfortable and happy.
Be in charge of your life, be strong, don't let anyone make you feel less than FABULOUS !!!! 😂😂
Good luck xx
I do think you sound a bit unreasonable. Baby clothes are worn for sometimes as little as 3 months. It is ridiculous to spend more money than you need on most babygros/bodysuits. Well over half of what my children wore was either hand me downs or clothes bought in second hand sales, until they were about 6 or 7. But then, I love buying secondhand clothes for myself so don't really see the problem.
That said, if I were a grandmother, I would prefer to buy nice special bits of clothing, to treat the baby, and my dil. It is one thing to pick up a bargain when you see one, maybe another to buy exclusively from second hand sales.
I understand what it is like to be on the receiving end of things you don't want for your baby. My mil used to make clothes for my babies. The knitted jackets weren't all bad (though I can knit for myself and preferred making something a bit funkier than my mil would produce) but her sewn clothing was hideous - 1960s/70s romper suits, mini button shirts, dungarees with flared legs, that sort of thing. I used to dread birthdays/Christmases etc because of the awful, outdated things she would make for my children.
As you said, you will have to just put the clothes to the bottom of the drawer and hope she doesn't notice your baby not wearing them too often. That is what I did.
Yabu for sure.
And why you think asda is some standard to aim for is beyond me.
I buy second hand clothes occasionally for both myself and my DC, but I wouldn't be too pleased with other people doing it. I love cheap clothes shops too, and don't mind them being bought from these, but I think other people should buy from a selection of clothes, rather than picking up random bits in second hand shops.
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