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"Lads holiday"

(48 Posts)
Silvermockingbird Mon 18-Jul-16 01:17:09

OH and I are expecting our first baby together in October (we have been together 2 years and I have a 3 year old from a previous relationship) he is 28, and I have had a lot of experience with immature men who want to act like boys.. So when we first got together I made sure he was someone who wanted to settle down and live the family life (which he was) he is also the one that asked and asked for us to have a baby.. Now that I'm over half way through pregnancy I feel like he is almost regressing to acting like a teenager.. He usually works 7 days a week but his contract has finished so he has a few months off work- he has been out every day seing friends and only spends time with me and my son on an evening, we haven't done anything as a family in ages because he always has plans with friends. Now he's on about him and a few of his friends going on a 'lads holiday' to magaluf or ibiza or somewhere before the baby's born.. All the friends he wants to go with are single and when I think of those type of holidays I think of young lads, too much booze, and slutty girls. the thing that gets me the most is he hasn't even been on a holiday with me yet.. He's acting as if he needs to 'blow off steam' before the baby is born but this is less than 3 months away! He had plenty time for those type of holidays when he was younger and single. Here's me getting everything ready for the baby, not being able to do some activities I like, while he wants to swan off on holiday without me!

HelenaDove Mon 18-Jul-16 01:31:09

It sounds like he wanted you to get pregnant as a form of control to keep you with him so hes got a built in housekeeper to do the shitwork while he goes and enjoys himself.

And can we knock it off with the "slutty girls" comments. hmm

LilacInn Mon 18-Jul-16 01:47:22

It is not uncommon for young men to "want a baby" to prove their supposed virility to the world. Wanting to be a responsible committed parent is an entirely different thing. A pity so many women are unwary about this.

Silvermockingbird Mon 18-Jul-16 01:54:06

Just to add he's only been like this the past 2 month-ish, he's usually fantastic an amazing father figure to my son, works extremely long hard hours and always puts us first, it's only since being pregnant and it starting to sink in that he's changed

HelenaDove Mon 18-Jul-16 01:57:46

In other words he waited until the pregnancy was further along.

CaoNiMao Mon 18-Jul-16 02:00:23

Slutty girls?

MunchCrunch01 Mon 18-Jul-16 02:24:07

If he's normally a good bloke as you say, sit him down and talk to him. My dh wouldn't suggest any kind of holiday with his mates in this situation and without any reciprocity. Or tell him he can go but you're going to leave him with both dc and go on a similar week long fun fest out of the family money in 6 months? Seriously, he's being silly so tell him.

Kiwiinkits Mon 18-Jul-16 02:38:40

Ah. The lads weekend. The problem with lads is they're morons. Men don't really grow up until their mid-30s these days. At least in my experience.

Well is he going to put a ring on it? That's usually a pretty good indicator of whether he means it when he says he's a family man. It's pretty easy to talk the talk. Not so easy to walk the walk.

He asked and asked to have a baby. Has he asked and asked to commit to you? They're different. In the baby scenario, ALL of the future costs fall upon you, the mother. He actually doesn't have to do much, yet he gets the social benefits of a child. In the marriage scenario, half the future costs fall on him, the husband. He actually has to put some 'skin in the game'.

trafalgargal Mon 18-Jul-16 02:56:15

Is this his usual pattern of working a contract with long hours and then enjoying lots of leisure in his down time before the next contract starts.
Have you suggested you have a family holiday now he is off ?

branofthemist Mon 18-Jul-16 05:14:07

Me and dh don't do 'lads' or 'lasses' holidays. But I don't think they have to automatically stop because you get married or have a baby.

But every relationship is different. You need to have a talk with him. It could be that he is trying to squeeze in all the things he won't be able to do when the baby comes. But you need to tell him how you feel.

But all this 'men done grow up until they are in their theories' is bollocks. Some men and women don't grow up. It's not a men thing and that sort of thing just excuses shitty behaviour.

And please don't call girls on holiday slutty. If the men are there to drink and sleep with random women, why do the girls get labelled 'slutty'?

Obviouspretzel Mon 18-Jul-16 06:48:03

Is it not possible to be a good family man but still enjoy a lads holiday ? I don't think the two are mutually exclusive.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross Mon 18-Jul-16 06:50:46

Yes, why the phrases "young lads" - not at all derogatory- but "slutty girls" - clearly the ones at fault if your DP cheats on you then? hmm

He's an adult - you can't stop him going, but you can explain that you would also like a week away with your friends, during which he needs to look after DS and get everything ready for the baby.

Mommym24 Mon 18-Jul-16 07:01:41

How about 'slutty lads' and young girls doesn't sound so bad does it hmm

ApostrophesMatter Mon 18-Jul-16 07:09:16

Lads holidays are for lads. He needs to grow up.

Spandexpanties Mon 18-Jul-16 07:09:20

There's a perfect balance somewhere in the middle. It's pretty healthy for husbands and wives to spend time apart and with friends (a few hours or a holiday). However balance is critical. He needs to spend both quality time with family and quality time with friends.

Can you ask him to put aside certain days to do family things? Together put the dates in the calendar using a pen.

You will just need to trust your husband when he goes away with his friends. Maybe you will feel less insecure with time?

If he ever chose to have a shag (or whatever) while on holiday with friends, it means he's not committed to you. But actually going off with other women could happen anywhere! He doesn't need to be abroad with his mates for that to happen.

Charlie97 Mon 18-Jul-16 07:10:10

"Slutty girls", why call girls holiday "slutty" but boys "young lads".

So I presume you're worried about him having sex with a girl on holiday, he of course is only a "young lad" and can't control himself, while she is a " slutty girl" for encouraging him. You are already making excuses for him.

A girl of course may not be in a committed relationship, your OH supposedly is........but she would be. "Slutty".

Very strange attitude in my opinion. Don't put blame on anyone else if your man can't be faithful!

Justlikefire Mon 18-Jul-16 07:14:43

Well if he's going to magaluf with the 'lads' it's not for sightseeing is it?

I think it's quite common for groups of guys in their twenties to do that kind of holiday. However he has chosen to settle down with you and I don't think it's appropriate timing for him to go.

DragonsEggsAreAllMine Mon 18-Jul-16 07:37:19

He's in his twenties and a dating relationship, he's certainly not done with spending time with friends.

You are making him out to be very immature yet pregnancy barely 18 months after knowing someone with an existing child to think of wasnt a mature decision really.

Adults should still be free to enjoy leisure time on their own, wanting to do so doesn't make them a bad person.

As a side note, why are only the girls slutty and not the men?

YouSay Mon 18-Jul-16 07:53:03

He doesn't sound ready for a baby. Do you want to get married? If he did he would have proposed surely.

you lost me at 'sluttygirls' and the poster saying 'lads are morons' have we learnt nothing!

AnyFucker Mon 18-Jul-16 07:59:09

I think you have made a mistake getting pregnant by him.

Have you told him how you feel about the holiday ?

Lunar1 Mon 18-Jul-16 08:06:47

Replace slutty girls with single women, who have every right to go on holiday and have fun, just as single men are. I think you need to take another look at your partner and think if he really is ready to commit.

SaggyNaggy Mon 18-Jul-16 08:24:12

"Sluuty girls" aside.. hmm

I'm worried he's got ypou exactly where he wants you tbh. The happy "Little woman" at home whilst he's working 7 days and now socialising all the time.
I'm sure he is wonderful for the couple of hours a day you see him.
I'm concerned that now you're pregnant he feels he's "Got you" and can now start being himself and not the pretend "Wonderful" him.

Ask yourself... If he was so great? Such a great father figure... Etc.
Why then isn't he spending his down time going you away? Days out with you and your DC? Why is he choosing to not spend time with you? I wonder, just morbid curiosity, does he roll in in the evening after being out of the house all day and then expects you to be happy he's home and supply him food? Drink? Sex?

MarcelineTheVampire Mon 18-Jul-16 08:51:29

YABU to use the term slutty girls.

x2boys Mon 18-Jul-16 09:53:01

Ignoring the slutty girls comment as i dont think its helpful it sounds like now the reality of being in long term relationship with babies and settling down has hit him hes gwtting a bit anxious about it hopefully its just a phase that will pass before the baby is born.

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