Posting here for traffic, I'm feeling pretty desperate tonight.
A bit of background: me and "d"p have a 3 year old and a 7 year old. I used to love my dp and thought he would make an amazing father. We had been together a long time. After our first child was born he quickly showed that he had no patience and I ended up doing everything with dd alone. I remember when she was 5 weeks old and I wanted him to try her with a bottle of expressed milk one night as I was getting about two hours sleep a night, she wouldn't take it and he was shouting at her it's this or nothing stop being spoilt, he had no patience at all and wanted to leave her hungry for the rest of the night. I fed her and never asked him for help again. Fast forward 4 years and I was enjoying motherhood and me and dp wanted dd1 to have a sibling. My pregnancy was hard and even though he was desperate for this baby and said he would change and help he did nothing. I had a c section and he had two weeks off work and he did nothing. When I came out of hospital he went to bed and left me with dd1 and a baby to look after, he said he was worn out after looking after dd1. I was so upset. Visitors noticed how he treated me, he even asked me to make him lunch and kept saying he was on holiday from work! I wanted to leave there and then but recovering from a c section and no where to go I was stuck. Over the last 3 years I have been a stay at home mum as he works a 60 hour week so all childcare, sickness etc falls on me. I don't mind and I enjoy being a stay at home mum. But how he treats our children and me has killed my love for him.
For example when I was sick he let our then 2 and 6 year old play in the street riding there bikes while he sat inside playing on his phone. So I had to go and sit outside even though I was sick. He doesn't supervise the kids at all, he leaves the cleaning cupboard open with chemicals in, the knife draw open without the safety catch on, he forgets to feed DC at meal times, doesn't strap them in properly in the car so I have to re do it, doesn't put their bike helmets on properly, gives the youngest boiling hot food, these are just some of the things he has done, luckily I am always there to jump in. He is also selfish with money and doesn't like to spend it on the DC. We are OK financially but the DC have to go without things like cinema trips, they don't have many clothes etc. He resents buying school uniform. I scrimp and save out of the grocery money so they have the essentials.
I have wanted to leave him for a long time, I hate to see how he is with the DC. But I am too scared to leave because then he will have them on his own. I feel like I have to stay with him to protect them from his dangerous driving and all the other things mentioned above. That's right he gets angry with other drivers and tries to race them with me and the DC in the car, luckily not at high speed but it is bad enough, he also cuts them up which I think is dangerous. At the moment i try to make sure we hardly ever go in the car with him, we eat on our own, and spend time in other parts of the house playing or cleaning when he is off work. We hardly ever do anything as a family as he is always working and that suits me. Is this the best I can hope for, trying to keep me and the DC out of his way because I can't bear to watch how he parents? I stand up to him infront of the DC and now they have no respect for him and will not do as he says. I just wish I could get up and walk out with the DC. But I feel stuck as I wouldn't want to put them through access with this selfish man. What can I do, does anyone have any suggestions? I feel trapped and am so miserable.
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I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place
73 replies
ihatebeingstuck · 17/07/2016 21:13
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