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Petty War with MIL

(111 Posts)
KaceyLacey Sun 17-Jul-16 18:51:06

Slightly Lighthearted so don't crucify me

I like my MIL, she's an interesting & engaging woman but she's also quite controlling, I similarly have issues with control so without even trying we've ended up in a war of one upmanship, this has lasted for at least the last 10 years.


When DH & I first moved in together, she replaced a painting on the wall when I was at work because it was ugly. Instead of doing the reasonable thing, I went out & bought 2 matching ugly paintings & gave one to her as a gift in front of everyone. With a very painful smile she hung it in her bathroom where to this day it still stands.

When we decided that DH would be a stay at home Dad, she was very upset and stopped taking DCs out, instead she took out DNieces/Nephews & posted the pics all over FB tagging everyone. So of course my solution was to convince my own parents to take out the DCs far more then they usually did, post the pics on FB, tag everyone & then write how brilliant it was that DCs now had more time to spend with their favourite grandparents. She quickly stopped excluding them.

We do this with everything. If she goes on a nice holiday, I have to do something even better. If I buy something then she has to top that.

Right before Christmas, I signed up to a gym membership as it was bloody Christmas and it's just what you do, I never actually planned to properly use it, she then went out & got her own gym membership, so now we're in a game of chicken to see who quits first. I hate the gym I want to quit, I'm not even that unhealthy, but my pride won't let me.

I know that I'm a petty person, you don't need to scream it at me. Does anyone have any ideas on how to quit this gym madness without losing face, I can't even pretend to go as we both log in on Facebook to show our damn location. sad

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed Sun 17-Jul-16 18:55:00

I find your honesty refreshing.

Is there some sort of cake shop near the gym? You know, so on the way to the cake shop, you can check into the gym?

Patterkiller Sun 17-Jul-16 18:55:04

I would just constantly comment on her mannish arms and sturdy calves and that the extra testosterone she's producing will promote a healthy beard, all in the hope she quits first.

NoneOfYourShenanigans Sun 17-Jul-16 18:57:25


Finola1step Sun 17-Jul-16 18:57:54

I have no idea how you can stop the gym nonsense but your honesty is hilarious.

Earlybird Sun 17-Jul-16 18:59:06

Wow. What a waste of energy.

What does your dh (or for that matter, your FIL) think of all this useless drama?

The answer to stopping the war is simple: just stop. Don't engage. Don't get drawn in. Don't react. Don't bait her.

Think of other more satisfying, rewarding, and fun ways to spend your time and money. Why not use some of that energy to do volunteer work that will get you outside yourself? And you don't need to post about it on Facebook or share it with anyone else. Just do it for your own sanity, and to give yourself some perspective.

Kungfupandaworksout16 Sun 17-Jul-16 18:59:59

patter you have made my night grin

Cocolepew Sun 17-Jul-16 19:00:01

Could you break a leg, and just not go back after it's healed?

alafolie29 Sun 17-Jul-16 19:00:21

Ha ha you sound so much like me grin no advice though I'm in a very similar situation with my husband's best friend. Definitely don't give in, you need to find a way to make her quit first.

marmaladegranny Sun 17-Jul-16 19:01:00

My Facebook doesn't constantly show where I am. Change your Facebook settings.
Then invite her to yours for wine, cake, slap up lunch or similar and apologise for your past behaviour as it seems you have taken the first step on most, if not all occasions, and tell her all this one upmanship must stop. Make a joke of how silly you have both been over the years and try to rebuild the relationship for the sake of your DC if no-one else.

alafolie29 Sun 17-Jul-16 19:01:53

And I know other people will think I'm mad and I need to be the bigger person, but honestly, a secret war like this is the only thing that gets me through his ridiculous behaviour (that and copious amounts of alcohol).

Good luck getting her to quit.

alafolie29 Sun 17-Jul-16 19:03:32

Actually I've just far away from your house is the gym? When I check in at certain places I get a huge list to choose from. I'm sure you could check in without actually going. Or just go and check in then head to the pub...

KaceyLacey Sun 17-Jul-16 19:04:00

Bugger, no cake shop but their's an ASDA with a coffee shop that I've snuck off to a number of times blush

Patter that's genius 😂😂

powershowerforanhour Sun 17-Jul-16 19:04:43

You know how this is going to end don't you? Clare Balding trying to interview the pair of you as you lie collapsed after dead heating for the marathon gold medal at the Olympics. "So how did you get into sport and where do you get your motivation from?"

Noonesfool Sun 17-Jul-16 19:07:39

Announce (on Fb) that the gym is for big babies and wild running is what the proper hardcore types do. Off road. In woods. Through rivers. Over moors. where there is no coverage and you cannot check in


KaceyLacey Sun 17-Jul-16 19:08:45

Alafolie29 😱 I thought I was one of a kind, I'm glad to know that their are people out there as mad as I am.

Coco, breaking my leg is a little extreme & wearing a fake cast would take so much effort.

Marmalade, I really don't want to. I should but I don't.

EarlyBird, DH & FIL stay well out of our way, as long as I don't involve DH then he's happy to ignore me.

Dutchcourage Sun 17-Jul-16 19:12:49

Lifes to short for this kind of shit 😂😂😂

I'm sure if you have checked in some where before you can still do it in your history. I've just tried to check in a restaurant we go to 15 miles away and it let me!

On a side note take it from some one who is living it - stop with the games - just go very quiet and hard to contact - it works waaay better

KaceyLacey Sun 17-Jul-16 19:13:52

Noonesfool, that may actually work, not the wild running as she'd probably offer to join me but to find something even more intensive than the gym where there's no signal.

Alafolie29, I live a 20 min walk from the gym but it doesn't show up when I try to check in from home sad

gonetoseeamanaboutadog Sun 17-Jul-16 19:14:51

I have no ideas but well done on one of the best OPs ever. Hilarious.

KaceyLacey Sun 17-Jul-16 19:16:37

DutchCourage 😱 How do I find my check in history? You may have just solved my problem and I know I should get away from the games but it's quite difficult.

AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected Sun 17-Jul-16 19:17:09

I wish my feuds resulted in me going to the gym more, I'ld look FIT!
Instead they just cause me to comfort eat hmm
so at least there's that for you OP?

magicstar1 Sun 17-Jul-16 19:17:18

You know you can sit at home on your couch and check in at the gym wink

PaulDacreCuntyMcCuntFace Sun 17-Jul-16 19:17:46

Roffling at Patters grin

I love your honesty OP, good for you. Does your gym have a cafe/smoothie bar or similar? If so then take your book/mag/kindle/iPad and sit in the cafe for an hour or so. You can legitimately say you've been to the gym and be safe in the knowledge that you've had a lovely sit down and nobody is any the wiser.

Or does have a pool, jacuzzi or steam room - if so then go for a nice soak in the jacuzzi. Very stress relieving.

One thing to watch though; if your MIL is actually going there is a risk she'll end up a few pounds lighter, a few inches off the waistline and looking a bit more svelte. What to do then? Obviously the only asnwer is to invite the ILs round for dinner lots and make sure her portions all feature lard and double cream grin

trafalgargal Sun 17-Jul-16 19:18:43

Well they say men marry women like their mothers ....I guess you are the proof. 😃

Seems like a lot of hard work to me but as you both insist on having the last word I doubt anything will change.

Do the rest of the family just roll their eyes at the pair of you and keep out of it ?

footballmum Sun 17-Jul-16 19:20:40

I'm pretty sure you can check in anywhere. I've just tested it on my phone and it would let me check in at Buckingham Palace (I'm in the Midlands!) In fact you could take the one-upmanship to a whole new level without ever leaving your sofa grin

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