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Daughters uni trouble with friend

(10 Posts)
Essexgirl94 Sun 17-Jul-16 17:25:00

Hi.
My DD is living away at uni and she having problems which is making her feel bad and I dunno what to think about the whole thing.
She has been living with her 2 best friends in a house and to start with thing where going well. One of the girls dropped out, leaving just the 2 but they would eat together and sit in their conservatory and watch tv and do uni work together.
But after Christmas my DD friend got into a relationship and got diagnosis with depression and anxiety. My daughter was trying to be supportive and friendly by trying to get to know her friend’s other half but was always left with excuses even though this girl would go out with her other halfs friends.
When this girl was struggling she would help her friend out by getting her bread and doing some of her chores. I told my DD not to do too much but she always replied that she was trying to help her while she was getting better.
But now my DD is feeling hurt with the whole thing. She was left to do the cleaning the whole house before summer and take out her friend rubbish from her rooms. Left buying things for the house and utility bills. She also feels like she has been cast aside and taken for granted. She doesn’t feel like they are friends anymore as this girl doesn’t make any effort with her. I told DD that it could just be pressure from life and uni which she agreed but know I’m having doubts, this girl ignored messages from my daughter.
I feel bad for my DD she is rather shy girl who tried to help out her friend and I think she is being used intentionally or unintentionally.
Is my daughter just being a bit sensitive about the whole situation? Advice?

Stratter5 Sun 17-Jul-16 17:26:58

Your DD is being used, she is NOT being sensitive, and you need to support her in this.

Totally unacceptable behaviour from the 'friend'.

pasturesgreen Sun 17-Jul-16 17:30:41

What sort of tenancy agreement does your DD have? If I were her, I'd start looking for new accommodation, the people she's been sharing with so far are not her friends, they're users!

acasualobserver Sun 17-Jul-16 17:30:44

She's been taken for a mug - it happens to us all at one time or another. Your daughter needs to learn from this experience and toughen up a bit.

blueskyinmarch Sun 17-Jul-16 17:31:12

Sometimes uni house shares work out and sometime they don’t. It sounds like your DD’s friend has moved on and is prioritising her relationship and wants to spend less time with her. It isn’t great that she hasn’t pull her weight with the chores etc but to be honest these things happen and sometimes it is best just to clock it up to life experience and move on. Your DD needs to look out for her own interests and try not to get caught up too much with other people’s lives. What is the plan for next year re the house share?

PokemonGo Sun 17-Jul-16 17:39:04

These things are really common with student shares and can be difficult to avoid. It's still hurtful to feel used though and I would be fuming if someone had left me to do all the cleaning. You should suggest to your DD that she should at least pursue the utility bills.

Is your DD at uni next year?

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut Sun 17-Jul-16 17:39:59

She's being taken for a mug but really it's not that uncommon with university flat shares.

How she deals with it will make all the difference. If she learns now not to let people walk all over here, to walk away from people who don't have her happiness at heart and to move on to new, fulfilling friendships she will do very well.

Essexgirl94 Sun 17-Jul-16 19:02:30

Thank god it's not only me.
My DD it again living with the girl next year. She had her contact out and it a standard rental agreement if she moves out she has to pay till she finds someone else. But she being grown up about it, she is still thinking what to do about everything as she is unsure. But she has said that she won't be paying any money to the bills till the other has payed up the same amount.
I'm very unhappy about the whole thing but I think it is toughening her up but I'm not sure what advice to give her. DD is too nice for her own good

Nanny0gg Sun 17-Jul-16 19:19:46

If one girl has left does that mean there's a vacancy that she could advertise?

Or is the other half staying (and not paying?)

Essexgirl94 Sun 17-Jul-16 19:49:42

The girl who dropped out is coming back to retact the year or something and has signed the contract again. I've talked to my DD about moving out but she is adimant she want to say and stick it out. I think she trying to prove to herself that she won't he walked over again, I think the experience has hurt her. Just wish I knew what to do to help her.

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