To think life can be so cruel and unkind to some people for no reason?(41 Posts)
I'm really struggling today.
Ive had my fair share of crap in life just like anyone else really. But sometimes, I do feel like life can and is more cruel to some than it is to others.
Of course, I am not wishing other people to go through difficulties but it all just seems so cruel. I know I am sounding really entitled and envious but I am only human and there is only so much I can cope with.
I'm just having a rant, really. So others feel the same sometimes?
I know what you mean, sometimes other people's life seems so perfect, especially if you are struggling, but you can only see the surface. You don't know that they are not going through difficulties too.
It's OK to rant anonymously, just don't let it affect your dealings with other people
Yep. Life can be shit for some people.
I believe you get bad karma and bad luck. You can limit your bad karma, but there's nowt you can do with bad luck. And so often it hits the people who are least able to deal with it, which is tough.
Hope things improve for you soon.
Sometimes you go through cycles of shittiness. It can be related - lose a job, so skint, so lose home etc and other times it can be random shit.
Personally I have learned NEVER to think "Well, it can't get any worse" because it frequently can and will.
Then you get cycles where things seem to fall into place and go well for a while - but I don't think we really register when things are good rather than bad IFSWIM.
I like this saying "When you are going through hell, keep going"
I have a couple of friends and some of the sh*t that happens to them just seems unrelentless and so bl**dy unfair
I hope things improve for you op
Thanks everyone. There are definitely others that I know who are going through worse than me amd it does make me feel ungrateful but it's hard to look at others who are worse off than you.
I guess what makes it hard is that I really have tried very very hard with my situation. I can't do any more than ive already done. It's like I just want to give up. I've ran out of steam and the positive pep talk.
I've had 'bad luck', I was widowed when my children were young. We were shafted over our Mortgage and lost our home (90's).
But I've been able to have three children and they been born into a developed society. I'll never know the poverty that my GM did.
I was wallowing a bit, I've been seriously ill, in other parts of the World, am I would have died and I wouldn't want to think the life my youngest DD with LDs, would live.
I hate the attitude on here, that we've got to be continually 'achieving', outside of the home, for some life is hard going.
Then stop with the pep talk and accept that despite your best efforts "it is what it is".
Obviously we don't know what your particular situation is, but can you just keep on going as you are and see what happens?
XrayDepartment Would you find it helpful to talk about your situation. No worries or pressure if not. Only if it would help.
Sorry to hear you're struggling Xray
One thing is I think many people have an underlying belief that there should be some fairness in life - hence I think ideasabout karmaand such like. But really I think random shit just happens to people, especially illness and loss. No rhyme or reason to it. Just the random nature of the Universe and the challenges for living things on this Earth.
It helps me slightly to recognise it as random. Other people find comfort in other answers.
Keep going seems like good advice. Hopefully things will get better.
This too shall pass?
I'm right with you, I try not to let it get me down but I just never seem to have the kind of even spread of good luck-bad luck that most other people seem to have in their lives, I'm not expecting some kind of perfect life where everything works out just right and things just fall into place without even trying, but my life is just one relentless struggle against shitty luck and things never going right.
I try not to let it get me down too much but it has severely affected my confidence now, I could never try and change career or move to a different area because I just know that no matter how positive and proactive I try to be my shitty luck will just rear it's head and screw things up for me.
And it isnt just my imagination... even my workmates have nicknamed me "Unlucky Alf" after the Fast Show character, "Oh bugger"
it is random and shit happens to those who do not deserve it. This is one reason why religion was invented, to give comfort to those affected. (The other reason was to gain some control - fear of after-life consequences for theft, murder etc was the only thing stopping people when the alternative could have been starvation)
we are just collections of chemicals and sadly bad stuff happens. The job is to be grateful for what we do have, and minimise the risks where we can.
Short answer, absolutely agree with you OP. My MN user name reflects my self-image to perfection. I would call my autobiography 'Eight funerals and a wedding.' On top of which I suffer from seemingly intractable MH problems. And yes, at times I bitterly resent all those 'apparently' normal people with their normal happy lives. I'm not proud of it and I try not to let the feelings get the better of me but equally I don't beat myself up for it.
Also I don't think the 'league table' mentality of life challenges is helpful. Most people face difficulties of some sort during their lives, admittedly some worse than others, but difficulties are by definition difficult and I don't think ranking them helps anyone but statisticians.
So no solutions but with you in spirit. Best wishes.
Xray, it certainly sounds like you have had more than your fair share of the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune heading in your direction. Absolutely no need to feel guilty for wishing it were otherwise or for feeling a bit envious of those who seem to have an easier time of it.
I hope you can switch off for tonight and get a good night’s sleep.
There are days when I think it’s enough cause for celebration just to get through to bedtime. No need to carry on pushing yourself mentally or physically past the point of absolute exhaustion and despondency.
Not wanting to be too much of an annoying Pollyanna, but, if I wanted to find a smaller glimmer of light in all this, I think I’d point out that the people who struggle most in life are also often those who are the most empathic when it comes to the struggles of others – because they’ve been there, done that and worn the t-shirt already.
So those who seem to have been dealt the best hands by fate might never have the sort of experiences that allow them to deepen their appreciation of the difficulties other people face as they move along life's path and perhaps this will condemn them to a somewhat superficial understanding of the human condition and an inability to connect with others in a meaningful way.
But, yes, I hope tomorrow will be a little less character building for you!
I hear you, XRay!
Four years ago, I lost my daughter, my only girl after four sons. Three months ago, I lost my husband. My youngest son is only eight. I feel that the loss of my daughter should have guaranteed that nothing else bad would happen to me but unfortunately life is not like that. The only thing I will say is that no-one escapes this life unscathed by trouble and it can help to look for the positives. I have my gorgeous boys and a roof over our heads and I believe my daughter and husband are together which is nice for them.
Sorry to hear you are struggling OP. It does feel sometimes that life it shit for a lot of us.
My situation is shitty because it's not by my own design. There are a couple of reasons, mental health being one of them which I have no control over but the other reason keeps me awake at night because it is because of someone who was once close to me who has fucked my life right over. Meanwhile the bitch and the people close to the situation that were complicit are living the life of riley and very happy, I'm the one that is painted as the bad guy and the one who has lost everything and I did nothing wrong! I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. It sucks.
Sorry for the rant.
Anyway, you're not alone in feeling how you do and I hope you can find some positives out of where you are, like I try to
for you x-Ray
Talking even on here, under a different name may help you to just let it all out and get some support, obviously don't know what it is you are going through but having been through hell and pretty much still in it for the moment talking about it has helped me tremendously, doesn't make the pain I'm going through any less but it does help me feel less discombulated and more able to cope.
I try to spend some time each day thinking about what I am grateful for and what is happy in my life as I think no matter how cruel the world seems at time there is always something even if it's really small to be grateful for and sometimes that can help a little bit.
There's no such thing as karma. The universe just is what it is.
There are so many women walking around with all manner of abuse, dv, lost children, dead husbands, husbands who've been unfaithful, sadness, infertility, careers gone AWOL, money problems, redundancy, ill health etc. Men too. I don't think anyone gets out unscathed. You only ever see their public face.
If you met me I look like someone whose life is touched by good fortune. It is
I'm in my 40s and the truth is I have a lovely home, husband and dc. But we have weathered many of those things. And if we haven't, we have fabulous friends who have.
Don't envy what you see. It's never the whole picture.
Generally I can handle life's unfairness. What I can't handle is someone who has been lucky in life lecturing others on how to be successful or implying that anyone unlucky brings bad fortune on themselves with a 'negative attitude'.
People who have been successful do like to believe it is down to their own brilliance. There is not enough credit given to sheer dumb luck. Obviously there is some truth to the saying that 'the harder you work, the luckier you get' but sometimes people are just unlucky - in love, in career, in money - and the sooner we all accept how random that is, the better. Those of us who have been or are unlucky can stop feeling worthless and guilty while those who have been lucky can stop being smug!
Inion I agree! Your words bring to mind the book Outliers: the Story of Success by Malcolm Gladwell. He tries to dispel the myth perpetuated by society that success is all down to intelligence, hard work, drive and careful planning - that it is in some way deserved on account of individual merit. He emphasizes instead the extent to which external factors which we have limited control over influence our life trajectories.
I think it's quite freeing to realise this.
Gladwell also suggests that society would change for the better if it stopped worshipping success and was more encouraging towards those who have experienced failure.
Because we so profoundly personalize success, we miss opportunities to lift others onto the top rung. We make rules that frustrate achievement. We prematurely write off people as failures. We are too much in awe of those who succeed and far too dismissive of those who fail. And, most of all, we become much too passive. We overlook just how large a role we all play — and by “we” I mean society — in determining who makes it and who doesn’t.
Xray I hope today is a better day!
Good stuff there Outwith - that book sounds as though it contains some rare wisdom
I agree. I try not to think "they are just one of those people who swan through life without any problems", but I do. I know exactly everyone suffers but I do think it is on a spectrum. I've lost most of my family and I've had mental health problems since I was a child and I'm now struggling with infertility. But I have a husband and a job and I live in a free society.... I just try to keep the spectrum in mind.
I've had my fair share of crap too. It hurts to see others also struggling [flower]
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