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Mum wants me to collect her child from school

(199 Posts)
justalittlelemondrizzle Sun 17-Jul-16 02:35:38

A mum at school I'm quite friendly with has basically informed me that she will need me to pick up her dd every Thursday from next year. Her other child is at a local private school and due to finish times she won't be able to get from one school to the other in time. I think she will she will have 15 minutes between pickups.
We do each other favours if one of us is running late occasionally but I don't want to be tied down to picking her dd up every Thursday for the next 4 years.
I feel a bit mean for not wanting to help but there are after school clubs and she chooses to send her dd to the another school and although my were free for about an hour after school on Thursdays at the moment. We really dont know if our schedule will chabhe next year. I don't know how to get out of this.

VioletBam Sun 17-Jul-16 02:42:15

Just text her and say

"I've given some more thought to picking up your DD every thursday and unfortunately I can't commit to that. I hope you find something to suit...the after school club is quite good"

Cheeky cow! Just be clear and don't apologise.

lalalalyra Sun 17-Jul-16 02:49:23

She informed you? How rude!

I collected my friend's DS every day last year. He walked with DS and I and his Mum was at out drive by the time we got there (she works in another school locally). However she asked as a temporary measure (husband left with no warning), tried really hard to find something else, clearly worried about the burden when I offered, never batted an eyelid if I couldn't do it, took DS one day a fortnight (at least) in the holidays when DD had physio and regularly turned up with a bottle of my favourite wine or a box of my favourite chocolates!

If you are happy to do it when it's convenient then say so, but if you are not then tell her. If you do then you need firm ground rules. She's bloody rude to tell you that you are going to be doing it.

WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo Sun 17-Jul-16 03:00:45

Have you actually agreed? Can you share how the conversation went so people can advise more specifically on how to respond?

It's very rude to have informed you rather than asking. And you are sensible not to want to tie yourself to this for the whole year, or longer.

I think it's probably better to say no completely rather than offering to collect her occasionally, as that would probably then develop into every week, or at least lots of awkward pressure from her.

I think Violet's reply is good. Though it sort of depends exactly what you've already said to her smile

justalittlelemondrizzle Sun 17-Jul-16 03:01:11

Yes she informed me. I didn't know how to respond. It definately won't be a temporary thing. It will be the case until they leave in year 6. The thing is its not always me who picks up as I work. I struggle to juggle everything anyway. She expects me to take her to my house and she will pick her up when shes done her beloved private school run.
She's a stay at home mum. They're rich beyond most people's wildest dreams. I felt like telling her to pay for the bloody after school club or a shield minder. But she expects me to do it instead... for free

justalittlelemondrizzle Sun 17-Jul-16 03:04:45

Child* not shield...confused damn phone

Leslie- the dc's came out of class so I avoided responding when put on the spot thankfully. She will ask me again on Monday though.

WiddlinDiddlin Sun 17-Jul-16 03:08:42

And this is what text messaging was invented for..

'Terribly sorry, but I can't commit to picking x up every xx, thought it best to let you know quickly so you can sort something out'..

Or I'd prefer..

'Chuff off you cheeky demanding baggage'

But probably the first one is safer.

Bogeyface Sun 17-Jul-16 03:10:28

The reason that some rich people are rich is that they dont bloody pay for anything!

"I am not able to pick her up for you but I have heard really good things about the after school club. I am sure you will get it sorted!"

Bogeyface Sun 17-Jul-16 03:11:11

I dunno Widdlin, I am coming down on the side of the latter, but that may be why I dont have many friends grin

NovemberInDailyFailLand Sun 17-Jul-16 03:15:08

Just whatsapp her this ;)

justalittlelemondrizzle Sun 17-Jul-16 03:15:21

Haha! I'd much rather send the last one. Yep I think it will have to said over a text so I can make it clear.
I don't mind looking after her dd when needed. Her older child does lots of shows etc and I always have her dd over for tea so she can go and enjoy it. She has learning disabilities and has caused problems in the past.
But every single week!

WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo Sun 17-Jul-16 03:28:09

Good you haven't agreed. It's so awkward when these pushy people put you on the spot.

A text is good to avoid getting flustered if she's difficult about it. Don't give any reasons as then she can't try and find a way around them.

Ilovecharliecat Sun 17-Jul-16 03:31:21

Sorry I can't commit to this (you cheeky cow) .....

expatinscotland Sun 17-Jul-16 04:12:08

Oh, FFS! You just text her back, with no 'sorry'. 'I am not available to collect X on Thursdays. I did not agree to it because I am unable to collect your child on Thursdays. You will need to make other arrangements.' You owe this cheeky bitch nothing - no apology, no excuses, no reasons for justification. You are not her staff. You do not take her orders. She's a rude bitch to treat you like this, not a friend. You have to be clear and blunt with such pisstakers because they prey upon decent people and count on them being bamboozled and polite. Fuck that for a game of soldiers!

Justmeagain78 Sun 17-Jul-16 04:12:58

Don't get tied down to a commitment. I did and now I've got the child and now also her younger sibling to look after twice a week and it's exhausting especially when I've been working. I agreed to the one child to help mum be able to work but then felt obligated to agree to two or else she would have to quit work. My dd gets moody on those days because she needs her down time and can't have it and I often have to bribe her to play with them! Say no now!!

Solo Sun 17-Jul-16 04:15:41

"No" is a complete sentence! I've always wanted to say that!

Pteranodon Sun 17-Jul-16 05:11:42

Justmeagain stop! Tell her you'll not continue next term, your daughter needs her down time (& maybe a friend over of her choosing sometimes) - there's the summer to sort something else.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Sun 17-Jul-16 05:30:31

Two options:
1) say no, you don't mind doing it OCCASIONALLY as a ONE OFF FAVOUR but you can't commit to it regularly as you have other things that may take your time
2) Tell her how much your time would cost per hour, including feeding costs.(although this is probably illegal unless you have childcare certificates or similar)

But do NOT agree.

SlinkyVagabond Sun 17-Jul-16 06:32:49

I think the classic "fuck off cunty chops" is called for.
Nip in bud now, this is from the mug who ended up looking after a neighbours kid for 3 years every chuffing Saturday.

RattieOfCatan Sun 17-Jul-16 06:37:36

Just go with no you are not willing. To do hat. Do not tell her you are willing to do it occasionally as that will very quickly become "oh this Thursday you can? And next... and next..." just say no and stop doing favours for her as she's obviously going to take you for granted!

EarthboundMisfit Sun 17-Jul-16 06:38:33

While telling her to fuck the fuck off appeals to me, I'd just send a clear text that she can't argue with.

Mookbark Sun 17-Jul-16 06:40:21

Agree with the above. Just text no, as politely or rudely as you want.
I'm curious now. If she expects you to do Thursday's, what about the other days of the week? Does she have a different Mum lined up for each day of the week?

londonrach Sun 17-Jul-16 06:41:15

No op no reason and justmeagain you have perfect excuse with summer holidays now to say you cant continue next term. Your friend has time to sort out other childcare. Your dd will thank you for this. She needs her down time!

hesterton Sun 17-Jul-16 06:46:17

How often does she have your dc? Because if she has them one day a week for you then yabu. But if it's a rare one off, then yanbu.

But tell her, assertively and soon so she can sort something else out. You really need to learn to say no at the point of being told this sort of thing ' has to' happen.

SquinkiesRule Sun 17-Jul-16 06:49:25

Don't say Sorry.
Say "No that won't work for me, ask the after school program to hand onto her till you get there".

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