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To start singledom again?

(13 Posts)
ivedoneitnow Sat 16-Jul-16 23:44:36

I've been separated from my ex (soon to be divorced) for 2.5 years.
Dating a guy for 8 months. We get on great and he thinks the world of me.... And I thought the same of him for the first 6 months.... But:
I work full time and have my own house. He lives with his parents and works 12 hours a week and doesn't seem to want any more hours or anything else. Didn't even go to an interview for a full time job
He has a son that he hardly sees. Son comes round every weekend but spends time with bfs parents and his sister but not my bf. Bf pays nothing towards his son financially
We used to spend weekends together when my kids are with my ex. Turns out son of bf is there both Saturday and Sunday and bf is happy to not be there.
I end up paying for days out.... More and more so recently
I now have said I don't want to be with him
And he is crushed.
I feel like I'm working hard and paying my bills to pay off my mortgage and aim to retire early... He has no pension or future plans.... Other than to be with me. And he wants to live with me. Since he said the living with me thing.... I've changed my attitude and have said I don't want to be with him.
I guess I'm feeling guilty that he's hurting. I feel lonely but I managed fine before and I will again. I just don't like causing hurt to him.
Opinions please?

RedSoloCup Sat 16-Jul-16 23:48:04

I think you're right, if he's not ambition to work / earn more now will he ever have?

Lorelei76 Sat 16-Jul-16 23:57:54

Is he 18?

He will pull out all the stops to show he is "hurt". He isn't. He's just looking for someone to sponge off and who will provide a comfy home.

JackieAndHyde4eva Sun 17-Jul-16 00:00:59

Eww! What ever attracted you to him and had you sticking around for 8 months?

ivedoneitnow Sun 17-Jul-16 00:02:01

He's 35. I'm 40

Lorelei76 Sun 17-Jul-16 08:33:23

He's not going to change
You did the right thing calling it off
Re his child, you can see how he deals with responsiblities
You are well rid of him

tofutti Sun 17-Jul-16 08:40:49

Well done for getting rid. Best to do it now before he becomes a cocklodger at yours.

Maybe he'll spend some time with his son now doubt it though

WordGetsAround Sun 17-Jul-16 08:42:07

Run like the wind!

blueturtle6 Sun 17-Jul-16 08:44:05

Not a good role model for your children, move on you can do better

MozzieRocks Sun 17-Jul-16 09:01:20

You did the right thing.

mytimewillcome Sun 17-Jul-16 09:51:10

I'm talking from personal experience. I married someone very similar (lived with his parents and same age as yours) and had children with him. We are now getting divorced and he now has a claim to my house when he had nothing when we married. In hindsight I should have found someone who was more equal to me ie similar salary and owned a property. He sees you as his escape when he should be finding that escape himself.

jay55 Sun 17-Jul-16 11:58:17

Being single isn't failure or disaster. It can be pretty great. It's nice to have energy for yourself.

Horehound Sun 17-Jul-16 12:12:59


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