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To want to act like a loon to put renters off next door ?(lighthearted )

(63 Posts)
Doinmummy Sat 16-Jul-16 14:09:09

I heard someone knocking at the house next to us . It's empty and is to be rented out. I went out to tell them no one lives there and they said they're trying to get a viewing but the agents have arranged an open house that starts at 3 o'clock . This couple were on their way to Nottingham and couldn't wait til 3.

I said they could have a look round my house as the layout and room sizes are the same.

They are a lovely couple and I'd be happy to have them as neighbours. So what can I do to put the other viewers off ?

I was thinking of sitting outside with a bottle of gin wailing 'I miss you Fred , I'm sorry you died ' (Fred was the last tenant and I found him dead in the house sad)

Any other ideas ?

ChicRock Sat 16-Jul-16 14:10:31

Do you play any loud musical instruments? Actually playing them doesn't matter so much - do you have access to any?

FedUpBird Sat 16-Jul-16 14:11:43

Dance naked around a totem pole in your front garden

GerdaLovesLili Sat 16-Jul-16 14:12:14

Play loud opera and sing along when there's a viewing.
Rent some (extra) noisy children.
Have a recording of a large and vicious dog barking and snarling ready to play.

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes Sat 16-Jul-16 14:14:46

A trash fire in your front garden would be good. Do you have a metal bin?

Keep the flames about 4ft high and toss random paper into it. Periodically screech over your shoulder, "I'm burning the evidence, Reginald. I'm burning the evidence!!"

Do you have any face paint??

TestingTestingWonTooFree Sat 16-Jul-16 14:15:53

Dirty mattress in your front garden?

CuppaSarah Sat 16-Jul-16 14:15:53

I'd go wait outside and very over enthusiastically great every viewer, talk about all the things you'll do together when they move in. How you could get the garden fence removed and share gardens. 'Jokingly' tell them you expect a good long catch up every morning. Be way too interested and nosey, kill them with kindness wink

Doinmummy Sat 16-Jul-16 14:16:23

I've always fancied playing the violin - no time like the present to get started eh ?grin

And it is very warm here so it would be entirely reasonable to practice it in the garden whilst naked !

MothertotheLordsofmisrule Sat 16-Jul-16 14:16:42

Pretend to be cleansing the house next door as Fred's spirit will not be at rest until you realign the the chakra points of the hedge.

Then begin to sprinkle some water at the door with a home made voodoo doll whilst muttering the lyrics to 'Never gonna give you up' under your breath

CuppaSarah Sat 16-Jul-16 14:16:49

Oh and don't let them go even when it's obvious they want to stop talking now. That will put almost anyone off.

AudreyBradshaw Sat 16-Jul-16 14:22:55

Periodically screech over your shoulder, "I'm burning the evidence, Reginald. I'm burning the evidence!!"

This made me laugh and cough a bit and I had to run for a wee! pregnancy bladder but I could honestly see my MIL doing this.

Borrow a herd or yappy dogs and stick them in the garden to bark? Sit outside with bongos and play loudly to "welcome all neighbourhood newcomers". You could accompany this with singing?

meowli Sat 16-Jul-16 14:28:59

Stage a loud argument with dh/partner complete with lots of swearing, slamming doors and throwing crockery?

Doinmummy Sat 16-Jul-16 14:31:46

gringrin I love these !

ArnieChops Sat 16-Jul-16 14:33:54

Or do what Meowli said but without your partner.
Have the argument with yourself whilst being two people and then as the neighbours come out go and greet them with messed up hair and a mad look in your eye, say "sorry if you heard that but Tracey (my alter ego) isn't behaving herself at the moment"
Then mutter under your breath (as Tracey) restart your argument there and then whilst trying to punch yourself in the face and rolling around on the grass.

Doinmummy Sat 16-Jul-16 14:34:35

Perhaps I should rustle up some cakes and tea and stand at the front door with them on a tray Mrs Overall styley.

Doinmummy Sat 16-Jul-16 14:35:38

Arniechops that is hilarious grin

AlpacaLypse Sat 16-Jul-16 14:40:25

I've got some teenagers, three guitars, a drum kit, a microphone and several amps you can borrow. Please? They've been practising for HOURS now!

Doinmummy Sat 16-Jul-16 14:41:51

Send 'em round Alpa

TheWildRumpyPumpus Sat 16-Jul-16 14:43:33

Play a soundtrack of barking dogs really loudly up against the wall.

Ditto with drum practice sounds.

Sit in the back garden with binoculars trained on their back bedroom windows.

GabsAlot Sat 16-Jul-16 14:46:46

arniechops lol i love that

i need to tell me dsis some of these she likes a certain house but i dont think the owner will be forthcoming grin

Doinmummy Sat 16-Jul-16 14:47:28

I could put on a hard hat , hi viz jacket and carry a clipboard, tell them I'm measuring up for the sewage works that's due to be built at the end of our gardens .

Nassau Sat 16-Jul-16 14:47:43

Just tell them Fred died in the house. Should put a few off. If not mention the weird knocks and bumps heard in their since then. Then cross yourself multiple times.

Nassau Sat 16-Jul-16 14:48:25


Doinmummy Sat 16-Jul-16 14:49:56

The agent has turned up ! I'm nosing out the window to check them out !

JennyOnAPlate Sat 16-Jul-16 14:50:14

My uncle has a set of bagpipes if you're anywhere near Blackpool?

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