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To think that prying questions about money are more commonplace these days?

(33 Posts)
stopgap Sat 16-Jul-16 12:59:52

I'm not talking about anonymous message boards, where such declarations can be useful, but in real life. By no means everyone, but I have otherwise lovely friends who try, subtly and otherwise, to dig for information about the price of our home, salaries etc.

Even as little as ten years ago, I don't recall ever being asked such questions. I know I'm not alone in this, either.

Coincidental to the area in which I live or has such questioning become a little more socially acceptable?

ssd Sat 16-Jul-16 13:03:30

I think a lot of peoples incomes are tighter than ten years ago, maybe thats why they're asking now

ImperialBlether Sat 16-Jul-16 13:06:13

It could be because people spill all on social media, so they're used to knowing intimate things about other people's lives.

stopgap Sat 16-Jul-16 13:12:47

I think that's right, Imperial Blether.

NeedsAsockamnesty Sat 16-Jul-16 13:16:27

I never get asked anything at all.

But I do get told many times how lucky I am to have had rich ex husbands.

I don't have any ex husbands who have ever earnt more money than me, I am the one who has always had to pay them not the other way round and have taken the grand sum of £229 in child maintainance in 23 years in total despite having lots of children.

I find people just cannot get their heads around a long term lone parent with lots of children who they do not see go off to work at regular hours (I work when I want as I'm nearing retiring) not living off some bloke or the state.
Which is bonkers really because most lone parents work and most recieve almost nothing from their ex ( according to gingerbread)

Laquitar Sat 16-Jul-16 13:27:32

Funny because these days you can find information if you want to easily online i.e. salaries, house value, benefits, price of x sofa or z curtains. All in few minutes.

I guess people are in gwneral more open about things than previoua generations, less prone to have
'taboo subjects' and they are used to talk openly about sex, money etc.

In other countries btw is very 'norm' to ask someone directly about his salary or house/car cost. It can be too much if you are not used to it.

Laquitar Sat 16-Jul-16 13:32:19

Also more people work from home now - and they earn a lot. So you can see someone in his pj staying home all day and wondering how come they have so much money.
Many high paid jobs are done from home these days.

TaIkinPeace Sat 16-Jul-16 13:36:05

Not at all.
Read Jane Austen.
How much people earn and are worth is a constant topic of conversation in all her books.

LunaLoveg00d Sat 16-Jul-16 13:37:02

I never ask my friends what they or their husbands earn, and they never ask me either. We do discuss bargains but not salaries.

stopgap Sat 16-Jul-16 13:42:05

My husband is a partner in a law firm. Think top 10 in the U.S. I'm planning a return to work as a freelance copywriter. I will never be in the same earning league as my husband, even though I have plenty of experience and a good CV. But that's irrelevant to this thread, I guess. We don't live ever so lavishly. I'm quite happy with a house that's characterful and crumbling and a right mish mash of furniture. Also, my children don't go to private school.

One caveat: I am in the U.S., so perhaps this is a blunt societal difference, although I've encountered this recently in England, too.

islandtiare Sat 16-Jul-16 13:42:48

Yanbu ive noticed this

sall74 Sat 16-Jul-16 13:47:11

Possibly to do with credit being so cheap and easy these days, people probably wonder how others afford such luxury lifestyles without realising it's all due to huge levels of debt.

smellylittleorange Sat 16-Jul-16 13:54:45

DH used to be a Civil servant no-one asked me how much he got paid then - now he is a train driver people seem to be fascinated and seem to think they can blatantly tell me whether his salary is worth it or not [hmmm] no one gives a fig about my salary as I work in "Admin". I think it is awfully rude to ask blatant questions about peoples earning and comment on them ( face to face) but maybe I am being a bit sensitive due to what people have said in the past about the value of DH job.

I don't really care on here though grin

stopgap Sat 16-Jul-16 14:01:44

Same, smellylittleorange. Far as I'm aware (all digits crossed) nobody on here knows me. And it's all in the name of fascinating anthropological research 😊

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER Sat 16-Jul-16 15:10:54

I was very startled many years ago when a neighbour asked how much we paid for our house. It just wasn't 'done' then to ask, and there was no nethouseprices (God bless it! - I do love a good old nose). But I couldn't very well refuse to tell him.
Unfortunately house prices had gone up quite a bit (this was late 70s) in the year since we'd bought ours, and he'd recently paid rather more for his smaller house.
He's still there, and I don't think he's ever quite forgiven us.

Shakey15000 Sat 16-Jul-16 15:19:43

Folk are intrinsically nosey how much does your DH earn? grin

stopgap Sat 16-Jul-16 18:44:10

I like your style, Shakey 😆

By the same token, I also find it odd when someone willingly offers up financial details, telling me, say, how much to the penny they're spending on their house renovation. I honestly don't know whether I should be saying total rip off, ooh bargain, or give a little cheer.

kaitlinktm Sat 16-Jul-16 19:03:38

Probably my generation but I find questions of this kind horribly impertinent and don't answer them.

I usually just say things like "That'd be telling" or "That's for me to know and you to find out" - but if pressed then I have no qualms in saying that private stuff like that is nobody else's business.

As for Jane Austen - well they could work out a person's income but surely they wouldn't have ever asked them face to face. Just imagine what Mr Darcy would have said!

Atenco Sat 16-Jul-16 19:52:55

But telling and knowing about what people earn has always been the way in the USA and Canada, IMHO.

Primaryteach87 Sat 16-Jul-16 20:00:03

I think it's a generational thing. Amongst my friends we openly talk about price of houses, rent, electricity. It's not something I would be shy about discussing or worry about people asking me. Why be secretive?

kaitlinktm Sat 16-Jul-16 23:34:29

I think the price of houses and the cost of electricity bills etc isn't the same as asking what people earn, how big their mortgage is, how much they have in savings or if they inherited something from a relative.

The former can be found on line these days anyway.

About 20 years ago I refused to tell SiL and BiL how much we had spent on an extension - they just kept asking the same question prefaced with "No, but really, seriously - how much ...?" They really didn't believe I wasn't going to tell them! Honestly - I was hard pushed to not call them nosy feckers!

Foolscapped Sat 16-Jul-16 23:54:38

I've often been asked bluntly about income when living in the US.

maninawomansworld01 Sun 17-Jul-16 00:18:11

We sometimes get asked financial questions that border on the intrusive (not by good friends who know us better than to ask), I just say 'none of your business'

milpool Sun 17-Jul-16 00:21:10

I can't say it's something that I've ever noticed.

I know roughly how much my highest paid friend is paid because she works for the NHS and the salary scales are publicly accessible I'm really nosey grin

But then if people did ask me I don't think I'd mind. I'm not rich. I'm not fussed if people know about my finances.

stopgap Sun 17-Jul-16 00:36:26

So maybe there has been a bit of a shift in terms of how people discuss money. I was raised never to discuss salary and so on. Not that it's "wrong"; I think for me because of my upbringing it's on a par with an acquaintance asking me how much I enjoy my sex life with my husband.

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