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WIBU (and a bit churlish) to refuse to pick this woman up?

(166 Posts)
justnotaballetmum Sat 16-Jul-16 09:44:50

Pertinent facts are:

1. I'm at work this afternoon. The job involves driving but has a clear start point.

2. I'm working with someone else who doesn't drive, so she is in my car for the duration of the shift.

3. The woman lives close to me, but not 'that' close. 2 and a half miles away from me or eight minutes drive (according to googlemaps)

4. The start point is 7 miles away from me, and 7 miles from her.

5. There are buses every fifteen minutes.

Sigh. So, I got a text - 'would you be able to pick me up please'

On the one hand, the weather is not great and it isn't far and blah blah.

But it's about half an hour extra if I count driving to hers, picking her up, then back again. Plus, I wanted to set off earlier to nip in to the supermarket which is en route.

The really unreasonable part though is that I just don't like her blush she isn't horrible or anything but irritating - yaps and yaps and asks endless questions that aren't meant awkwardly but are, and she is very entitled with lifts (the asking rather than telling is new.)

So - unreasonable to reply that I can't/won't, or mean spirited?

ParadiseCity Sat 16-Jul-16 09:46:28

'Sorry I can't, see you at work' is MORE than polite enough IMO.

londonrach Sat 16-Jul-16 09:46:48

Just message say im sorry but you cant today. No need to give a reason.

RochelleGoyle Sat 16-Jul-16 09:47:39

I don't drive and always feel guilty about asking people for lifts, but I don't think YABU if you already had plans to nip to the supermarket. As a non driver, I never assume that people will give me a lift.

DeathStare Sat 16-Jul-16 09:48:03

Tell her to meet you at the supermarket.

On the way home drop her at the bus stop.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Sat 16-Jul-16 09:48:22

Sorry, I'm not coming from home so you'll have to meet me there.

MargotLovedTom Sat 16-Jul-16 09:50:02

Exactly what Testing said.

dowhatnow Sat 16-Jul-16 09:50:15

If it's just a one off I'd do it as you have to work/get on with her. If it's likely to be more regular then start as you mean to go on.

Although you could say "ok but I'm stopping at .... on the way back. Are you ok with that?"
Then hopefully she'll be put off.

LucyInTheSkyWithDonuts Sat 16-Jul-16 09:50:52

As you have to work with this woman I'd Compromise. Text back "I can't sorry as I have plans before work but I'm happy to give you a lift home after work smile" That's if you are happy to give her a lift home afterwards! Otherwise a breezy "sorry, I've got other plans today so I can't. See you later!"

AnthonyPandy Sat 16-Jul-16 09:51:14

Can you claim back the petrol used as part of your job?

Inertia Sat 16-Jul-16 09:53:40

I'd send Testing 's message.

justnotaballetmum Sat 16-Jul-16 09:54:22

Wow, loads of replies!

This lady is definitely someone who expects lifts - her usual style of text is 'what time are you picking me up?' and early in the morning or late at night I would, but the middle of the day seems a bit hmm

I just don't want her in my car for longer than needs be blush and I feel rotten as like I say she isn't horrible but she just annoys me!

I was thinking just 'Hi X, (name of her town) is a bit out of my way for (name of place we are going) for me, so I'll meet you at X if that's OK x'

dowhatnow Sat 16-Jul-16 09:58:13

Don't add if that's ok at the end.

I think you do have to nip it in the bud if it's a regular occurance.

Arfarfanarf Sat 16-Jul-16 09:58:34

No it isnt ok. I need a lift.

Never ask is it ok unless you are actually asking if it's ok. Iyswim 😁

Take that bit off and your text is perfect.

OurBlanche Sat 16-Jul-16 09:59:08


Don't ask her she'll think she has an opinion on the matter.

"Not able to pick you up. See you there"

MargotLovedTom Sat 16-Jul-16 09:59:18

No! Don't waffle and don't say 'if that's okay?'
You're not asking her permission.
Use Testing's reply, seriously.

MargotLovedTom Sat 16-Jul-16 09:59:42

Haha lot's of x posts.

TheDowagerCuntess Sat 16-Jul-16 10:01:35

I agree with those who've suggested a bare minimum text, as there's nothing to argue with and it's still polite. The minute you start giving reasons, she'll attempt to tackle you on them.

She sounds annoying - YANBU.

justnotaballetmum Sat 16-Jul-16 10:02:39

I'll take the 'if that's ok' off but I don't want to get into the habit of lying as I AM coming from home, if you see what I mean grin

tofutti Sat 16-Jul-16 10:05:15

Don't feel rotten, you're not obliged to give her lifts just because she isn't horrible.

Has she ever offered petrol money? The extra half hour adds you to your petrol costs.

She is taking the piss, not you.

NapQueen Sat 16-Jul-16 10:06:34

"Sorry am busy until we start so will have to meet you at X. Can drop you home at the end though"

DoreenLethal Sat 16-Jul-16 10:08:14

I don't want to get into the habit of lying as I AM coming from home, if you see what I mean

No you aren't you are coming from the supermarket.

If you don't want to lie just say 'not possible' or be like me, and just don't read messages until you get there. Then tell her 'I often leave my phone in my bag so don't rely on me'.

And I say that as someone who didn't drive until mid 20s and I used to get 3 trains to work and 3 home, and never expected or assumed a lift. In fact I was bloody grateful to get one to the train station at the end of the day.

justnotaballetmum Sat 16-Jul-16 10:10:12

But I don't want to drop her at home at the end sad I want to go home myself!

MargotLovedTom Sat 16-Jul-16 10:13:19

Well just say you're going somewhere else. And go to a corner shop for a packet of mints THEN home if you feel bad about lying wink.

witsender Sat 16-Jul-16 10:13:22

Just say " sorry, not possible today. See you at X."

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