Advanced search

husband keeps opening my post

(154 Posts)
ohnoppp Fri 15-Jul-16 23:24:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pinkyredrose Fri 15-Jul-16 23:25:44

Open his?

Optimist1 Fri 15-Jul-16 23:26:46

Has he always done it? I know some families operate like that (not mine!).

Birdsgottafly Fri 15-Jul-16 23:26:56

Is this the only area, in which he disrespects and ignores your wishes?

Is he generally suspicious and mistrusting?

ohnoppp Fri 15-Jul-16 23:28:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hazeimcgee Fri 15-Jul-16 23:30:05

Not ok.

Has it startes recently? Did something preceed it?

I'd get stuff redirected short term to a post office box to stop him

ohnoppp Fri 15-Jul-16 23:31:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PortiaCastis Fri 15-Jul-16 23:34:24

Open his and see how he likes it.

SaggyNaggy Fri 15-Jul-16 23:35:07

Whatpst are you getting that look like they need him to investigate? Do ypoi get hand written letters? I only get bills. sad

SaggyNaggy Fri 15-Jul-16 23:37:02

Not that it justifies him doing it obviously.

SabineUndine Fri 15-Jul-16 23:37:43

Saggynaggy he doesn't need to investigate, this is controlling and abusive behaviour.

TheHuntingOfTheSarky Fri 15-Jul-16 23:37:50

No way. Totally unacceptable behaviour. My DH did this a few times "by mistake" and oh what a surprise every time it was a letter I wouldn't have wanted him to see (personal financial dealings, medical matters - not things I was keeling secret as such but certainly things I felt it was my call on when he got to know about them). I kicked up a major fuss and it hasn't happened since then.

Just because you are married does not mean he gets to own you, and this includes correspondence which has your name on it.

CurlyhairedAssassin Fri 15-Jul-16 23:38:33

I open DH's sometimes because he wouldn't bother dealing with his half the time, if I didn't. Just leaves it piling up. hmm. He doesn't open mine - well, he wouldn't, he doesn't even open his own.

But if DH told me he would prefer I didn't open it, I would respect his wishes, of course I would. But to be honest, I would worry that he had something to hide. Why have secrets in a marriage?

ohnoppp Fri 15-Jul-16 23:39:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PurpleWithRed Fri 15-Jul-16 23:41:54

So he's generally suspicious and controlling , you told him his behaviour is unacceptable and rather than listening to you, respecting your opinion and changing his ways he responded by starting to open and read your mail.
Any good points in your relationship?

BIWI Fri 15-Jul-16 23:51:32

... plus it's illegal

NapQueen Fri 15-Jul-16 23:54:47

The fact that he selects what he opens suggests that he is concerned or interested in the contents. Rather than an "open all the mail; chuck the envelopes; sort through it together later" type arrangement.

Does he do anything else that could be seen as controlling?

OhWellll Sat 16-Jul-16 00:15:36

I'm not married and this is a serious question -

What's the problem with him opening your post? What do you have to hide?

I'm assuming that you would open his mail too though if you happened to the post first.

As I said I'm not married, but if I was I'd kind of think any mail I get (which is mostly dull - bills, bank statements etc) is entirely stuff that I would share with my husband.

Isn't a marriage suppose to be a team? A partnership? Sharing?

I can't see why (other than a personal obsession about control) that this would be a problem - unless either you had something to hide OR he objected to you opening his mail in which case that's a bit weird too.

Pinkheart5915 Sat 16-Jul-16 00:20:15

In our house whoever picks it up tends to open it unless it's clearly a birthday card or an Amazon order

Sparklesilverglitter Sat 16-Jul-16 00:23:08

Here we pick up post and put in post rack when one of us gets bored of the post piling up one of us will open the lot regardless who's name is on what.

SolidGoldBrass Sat 16-Jul-16 00:31:04

So you noticed his behaviour was suspicious and controlling, called him on it and now he has started opening your post? Red flags. Start making your plans to get rid of him (very carefully).
This is the behaviour of a man who considers you his property. Men like this can become dangerous fairly quickly when they realise you have seen through them.

BreconBeBuggered Sat 16-Jul-16 00:34:23

I open DH's post if he's at work in case it's something I can deal with or let him know about. (Bills etc all come to me and all finances are shared so there's not really much to hide.) He does the same if I'm out, unless it's clearly personal like a card or similar. I wouldn't like it if he got to my post first if I was actually there to open it, though, and neither of us would do that anyway. But that's all by mutual agreement, which is the key thing. If it's not acceptable to you, it shouldn't happen.

Scarydinosaurs Sat 16-Jul-16 00:38:05

What does he say when you confronted him?

Katedotness1963 Sat 16-Jul-16 00:48:49

We've been married 31 years and never open each other's post.

CatThiefKeith Sat 16-Jul-16 00:55:43

If I don't open dh's post it doesn't get opened.

Personally, if it bothers you, I'd suggest you have some fun with it. Sign up for some newsletters

Sexual frustration leaflets
Moving to Canada/Australia info
Info sheets from EA's for 1 bed flats
Living with impotence.

That kind of thing.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now