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To nearly be having a breakdown over this ?

(64 Posts)
Embarrassment2016 Fri 15-Jul-16 17:09:33

I have BDD. It's very, very difficult.

I avoid photos. I hate how I look in them and if someone has a camera I hide/get anxious/cry. It's a phobia and I do see someone about this but it's a long drawn out process

Recently dsis had a photo shoot (she is confident and beautiful) and asked me to go along when she saw her photos, which I did. Now I had NO idea but her reaction (with me in the background) was filmed sad
As soon as I found out the next day I panicked as I don't want to be in photos or a video

I w said I don't want this footage used anywhere no matter was dsis or the photographer want as if I didn't agreeo be filmed then they can't use it can they?
Really though do I have any say? It's making me so anxious sad

2nds Fri 15-Jul-16 17:20:57

Your sister shouldn't have sprung that on you, however maybe it's the only way she's been able to get pictures of you in the last x number of years so I can see why she would do it.

My BIL always backs out of pictures and last week I took a few pics of him with my kids and didn't tell him until afterwards. I want my kids to have pictures of him because they are very close to him and my argument is that when he's gone they will want pictures of him.

Some posters might not agree with me but I don't care, besides we are filmed on cctv every day abd we don't give our consent for that.

Littlepeople12345 Fri 15-Jul-16 17:21:00

I'd be exactly the same, that's a bit odd to film her reaction. What did your dsis say when you told her you don't want it to be seen?

user1468488303 Fri 15-Jul-16 17:22:36

They can't use it for commercial purposes without your permission, however the photographer or your sister can do whatever they want with it non-commercially. Sorry.

2nds Fri 15-Jul-16 17:22:47

I know I have contradicted myself in the previous post, but I just can see this from both sides.

Embarrassment2016 Fri 15-Jul-16 17:23:20

I didn't know it was being filmed ....the cameras were all there as it was a studio I didn't think for one minute one was recording
Dsis said she was unaware too and when I spoke to the photographer he said it was left on by mistake (but managed to film her reaction??) he then said I wasn't on it anyway bit dsis had been emailed the video and confirmed yes I was

This may sound silly but it's a really big deal to me sad

Embarrassment2016 Fri 15-Jul-16 17:25:18

The photographer made out that dsis had wanted to see her own reaction to seeing her pictures revealed....but she said she was also unaware.

I feel let down. Dsis knows my problems and so did the photographer as he's a family friend. As far as I know the footage hasn't been used but knowing its out there somewhere and could be is making my anxiety levels high

2nds Fri 15-Jul-16 17:28:57

How is your counselling going? Do you think it has helped in any way?

Embarrassment2016 Fri 15-Jul-16 17:31:01

I'm not sure, I thought I felt a bit better but this incident has thrown me
I was slowly working towards the goal of being able to have some pictures taken (informally not a shoot) with dc but I feel like it has been 1 step forward 500 back sad

Obviously I'll keep going and I need to see this as a setback not the end of the world but currently I'm so anxious

2nds Fri 15-Jul-16 17:32:27

How do you feel about being on cctv Embarrassment? You seem to be singling this one occasion out, I know you probably can't help that but we are filmed a lot more than what we realise. If you aren't put off by cctv then can you not think of this as a similar thing and come to terms with it that way?

booklooker Fri 15-Jul-16 17:33:19

My mum hated having her photo taken.

Consequently my kids have very few images of their grandmother as she died before they were of an age when they may remember people. That saddens me

A photo/footage is not all about who is in the image, it can also act as a memory that will be cherished by family and friends in the future.

Try not to be too self conscious about this, it's not just about you.

Embarrassment2016 Fri 15-Jul-16 17:34:31

Cctv feels different as in I'll never see myself on it and family would never see it
I think the fear is I'll look as bad as I think I do and then will be ridiculed. It's worse surrounding photos or film that people I know will see if that makes sense

Embarrassment2016 Fri 15-Jul-16 17:35:27

And I have this boggling feeling dsis knew and put me in a situation I wouldn't want to be in

Embarrassment2016 Fri 15-Jul-16 17:35:47

Niggling not boggling

Embarrassment2016 Fri 15-Jul-16 17:36:49

And Iam singling this out as I have successfully avoided being captured on film for a long time and this was unexpected

MollyTwo Fri 15-Jul-16 17:37:33

So you never take pictures with your DC? How sad. What if your dsis shows no one this video? Would you be ok with her having it?

Embarrassment2016 Fri 15-Jul-16 17:40:56

No sad but I want to and that is what made me start therapy but I was feeling better and this has set me back as it wasn't expected

I've asked dsis to promise which she did but then blocked me on fb and won't say why so I'm worried it was so she could post her video. Now, I understand she was the main focus and may want to but I felt my desire to not be filmed meant she should not post it (if she has)

Embarrassment2016 Fri 15-Jul-16 17:42:59

I was confused by the response of photographer too....he didn't realise it was filming.....I wasn't on it (when I was).....that dsis had asked to see her reaction

2nds Fri 15-Jul-16 17:44:01

But they will look at it and admire it and then go on with their day.

Your child might like to have pictures of you like these after you've gone, and we do have to make sacrifices for our kids.

I'm fucking petrified of a certain type of 'decoration' I wont say what it is here because if people read this who I know I might get outed, but a few months ago I had to face my phobia because I didn't want to spoil my kids day out. I know I will have to face it on occasions in the future too and believe me I dread it.

Embarrassment2016 Fri 15-Jul-16 17:45:37

But I wasn't aware. I felt rough that day greasy hair and tired and would never in a million years wanted to be filmed
I deserved a choice surely ?
Dsis was made up and photo/video ready , looking back I think maybe she did know ?

Embarrassment2016 Fri 15-Jul-16 17:46:34

It hurts because both of them knew how I felt and I can't see how it was all a coincidence. I may only be in the background but I didn't want to be filmed

2nds Fri 15-Jul-16 17:49:44

I'm sure if you looked through your family photos of your dsis there's bound to be pics of her looking a bit rough.

thepothasboiledover Fri 15-Jul-16 17:50:40

Your sister sounds like an insensitive cow tbh confused

Embarrassment2016 Fri 15-Jul-16 17:54:49

Not really she always looks lovely.

I think my fear of photos makes me pull a weird face then I look hideous sad
Dm always laughter at my (admittedly horrendous) school photos I think it all started there

Embarrassment2016 Fri 15-Jul-16 17:55:28

I need to view this as a setback

Not the end of the world but climbing down from high anxiety is so hard

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