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What do you suggest is done

(11 Posts)
Skyfullofstars78 Fri 15-Jul-16 12:30:14

Ds is at a residential special needs college for young people with asd. He had been working with a personal tutor for a few months. The personal tutor then took on a vet high needs student who needs a lot of attention due to her many issues. She often came in when the tutor was talking to ds and talked about herself. She wasn't picked up on this. She also made comments such as of me and X (my sons's name run away who would you chase. If me and X were going to die who would you save. I see this as her trying to make herself more important than ds. Now because of all this the tutor isn't allowed to have both of them and that was coming from the head. So now my ds does not know who his tutor will be which as you can imagine with his asd isn't good.

steppemum Fri 15-Jul-16 12:42:12

well, the school will need to appoint a different tutor for one of them. I assume they will look at who is available and decide who is best.

Yes it isn't ideal, but it happens. Maybe the situation could have been avoided if the tutor had been more proactive at the start with the new student, but it is easy to see that in hindsight.

Skyfullofstars78 Fri 15-Jul-16 12:50:53

But that's the worry I that if the girl has the same tutor she will make comments about the fact that he chose her rather than him and upset him and feel that my son would also resent her because he had the tutor first and o feel that if it was my son who has the the tutor she would sneakily pick on him like she is doing anyway really and everyone think it's my son because he said things without being sneaky.

attheendoftheday Fri 15-Jul-16 12:55:46

I think you've posted about this before? I'm sure I've read about this situation on another thread.

On the other thread (if it is you and not a coincindence) you said it was your ds who had wanted the tutor to choose him and stop working with the other girl.

Ultimately it sounds like it would be better for your ds to get a new tutor, it may be hard in the beginning but it will become the new normal.

MollyTwo Fri 15-Jul-16 12:59:58

I've read your other thread. I'm not sure how the tutor would pick between the two but I think as your ds was with him first he should be first priority.
I would also question why the tutor was able to take on another student if he was only meant to have one student at a time.

Skyfullofstars78 Fri 15-Jul-16 13:02:43

The tutor also has two day students so he had four students. When staff are only meant to have two at a time.

Skyfullofstars78 Fri 15-Jul-16 13:03:30

Ds didn't want him to pick between until he felt like he was being pushed out.

Skyfullofstars78 Fri 15-Jul-16 14:25:43


attheendoftheday Fri 15-Jul-16 16:32:18

It sounds hard for your son to feel like he is being pushed out.

But I think the tutor has an equal responsibility for both children.

I don't think you can control what is happening with the other student, so you and your son need to decide whether you'd prefer to stay with this tutor and address the difficulties or shift to a new tutor for a fresh start.

myownprivateidaho Fri 15-Jul-16 16:40:01

Ultimately you need to help your son understand that the tutor is helping both him and the other girl in a professional capacity, and that there is no question of personal favourites, or choosing between them. I think it sounds like the professional lines have become a bit blurred, at least in the kids' minds and possibly due to the tutor not being clear enough about boundaries and professional distance. It sounds like it would be better for your son to start afresh with someone else.

TellAStory Fri 15-Jul-16 17:17:57

Didn't you start a thread about this before?

Have you been in to discuss this through with the head and tutor?

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