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To be upset over neighbour shouting at me over cat :(

(43 Posts)
user1468485204 Thu 14-Jul-16 23:10:44

Don't know if I'm being over sensitive
Lived here 2 years and have a make cat of 3
He loves being outside and doesn't like being in even at night however the lady who lives ( alone, mid 50s ) but one to us kept bringing him home at 8pm as she's a cat lover and hers had been killed at night by a car
All fine, she was slightly over bearing and he would go into her house every time I went out for treats and food and to be petted
She would take pictures of him and show them to me of an evening
No harm done until the next door neighbour knocked a few months ago, angry that he would go into her kitchen if the door was open at eat her cats food, through the window at the front too and that her cats hated him and there was lots of hissing going on.
I apologised and gave her my permission to squirt him with water in hope that would stop it
Seems not as now he's gone into her garden, had a fight with her cat and she's throwing a £200 cat bill at me.
I burst into tears ( my mums just been diagnosed with cancer ) and she just stood there stony faced saying she's never had any cats behaving like this before and doesn't understand why
I did explain that he might be confused as very welcome in the house next door and obviously he has to pass her garden to there
She said she was not happy about any of it as she did the same to her cats for 5 years and now is to ours so hers noses are out of joint but her issue is our cat going into her garden / house
He just won't stop and get the message
Feeling very overwhelmed and upset

Birdsgottafly Thu 14-Jul-16 23:27:56

Urban domestic cats, work these things out for themselves.

There may be a few scraps, then they'll go wandering at different times, to try to avoid each other.

She is unhinged. If your cat wants to go out at night, she needs to be told to mind her own business.

I hope you've told her were to stick her vets Bill.

She needs to squirt your cat with water, as you told her to and rattle stuff at him, until he gets the message.

She's encouraged him, so now he feels welcome.

You've got enough going on with your Mum, to have to deal with her rubbish.

Stop being polite to her, she's a horror.

BillSykesDog Thu 14-Jul-16 23:29:02

I'm really sorry this happened. It would normally be extremely annoying but given what has just happened with your Mum it sounds like the straw which has broken the camels back. I suspect it's just allowed you to release a lot of emotions about your mother's illness and of course you feel devastated. If the neighbour comes again don't be afraid of telling her that while you want to work with her on this you've just received some pretty devastating personal news and have a lot on your plate at the moment and hopefully she will have the good grace to back off. flowersflowers

BillSykesDog Thu 14-Jul-16 23:30:13

I think the lady feeding and the lady complaining are two different people birds.

user1468485204 Thu 14-Jul-16 23:30:48

Sorry not sure if I've been clear
The one who has even feeding him and letting him in is the neighbour two doors away.
The one who has the issue is the neighbour next door sad

lalalalyra Thu 14-Jul-16 23:32:42

Cats fight. They scrap whilst working out their heirarcy. There's no way you should pay that bill. She should have her cats insured if she doesn't want to pay out - after all she's only got her cats word that your cat started it....

Just tell her to let the cats work it out amongst themselves. Don't leave doors open, if she's got a cat flap it should be one that works with collar or microchip and spray him with water when she sees him.

That said, I would be encouraging the overbearing lady to stop tempting your cat over. If she's got a habit of ditching favoured cat for a new cat then you might find you end up with the same issue when she gets bored with your cat.

flannelwash Thu 14-Jul-16 23:33:34

Oh she's an idiot
Cats go out, They scrap. End of.
If she let's her cats out then this will happen occasionally. If the cats in her house she can just shoo it away it's not a big deal.
Ignore the bitch and fgs don't be bullied into paying that bill!

user1468485204 Fri 15-Jul-16 11:23:28

Well it gets worse
Neighbour but one has now knocked to ask the plan with the cat, even went onto say it will be awful when our cat kills next doors and he would be best going to live with her parents who love him!!
I did mention that he doesn't do it to the other neighbour so I wonder if he does it because he feels so comfortable coming to her and she replied that maybe he needs more attention and that I'm not at home mum as always out and about with the kids and that's why he goes to her!!
Nothing to do with all re food / treats she gives him!! Or the fact she will pin him down to bring him home at 8pm every night when he probably isn't ready to come home
She even said " I know you're into all this positive parenting with the kids which doesn't seem to be going well as they're so demanding you probably don't get time to spend with the cat "
Feeling very low already as my mums just even diagnosed with cancer

SabineUndine Fri 15-Jul-16 11:28:09

I doubt she has proof. In any case this is what cats do. My cat was beaten up by another a few years ago and I paid more than £600 in vets bills. Don't pay her.

And tell the other neighbour you prefer her not to feed or touch your cat. He's your property after all.

DartmoorDoughnut Fri 15-Jul-16 11:28:58

So they're critiquing your parenting as well as your cat?! What twats!

Tell the lot of them to leave your cat and you alone

Lemonlady22 Fri 15-Jul-16 11:31:55

ask the person wanting you to pay for photographic evidence that your cat caused her cats injuries....she has no proof....whats she going to do ? call the police...they will not even come out for that....she could threaten you with court....but she has no proof !....just tell her to go away....her cat is not your problem....cats do just as they like and their is no law regarding the ways cats dangeous cats law, no cat license, etc....shes being rididculous......regarding your neighbour feeding your cat...thats nice, but one of my cats left home and went to live with my neighbour once....she let him sleep on her bed when i i said cats do just as they like!

Lemonlady22 Fri 15-Jul-16 11:35:20

tell her to stop feeding your cat as he is on a strict diet from the vet due to being overweight/overfed....shes an interfering cat thief in the making!

CreamCrackerundertheSettee Fri 15-Jul-16 11:35:35

Ask the neighbour to stop feeding your cat. The vet has suggested cutting down on treats as your cat is getting tubby- just lie. Ignore her bonkers rehoming suggestion.

Cats fight when working out their heirerchy. Nothing you can do with next doors cat. She can't prove it was your cat that attacked hers anyway.

I'm sorry to hear about your mum.

MrsWooster Fri 15-Jul-16 11:35:48

Be very clear: to next door neighbour-cats fight, they should be insured and get a locking catflap. To next but one- did you mean to be so rude? Do NOT feed my cat or bring him home, he is NOTHING to do with you. People have an extraordinary sense of entitlement to nose in other peoples' business.
If ndn pursues cat bill then, IF she can prove your cat caused the damage and instigated fight, your cat insurance may pay up?

OhNoNotMyBaby Fri 15-Jul-16 11:43:51

Please do not let these neighbours upset you. You have done nothing wrong and nothing that you need to apologise for - and certainly not pay anyone for!

As everyone else has said, cats are cats are cats... they do what cats do. I get pissed off with cats crapping in my garden but I would never dream of complaining to the cat owners.

The feeder is the problem here. As ^pp have said, make it clear that she should not feed the cat any more.

ceebie Fri 15-Jul-16 12:02:15

Oh dear. Your NDN+1 (who feeds your cat) is pretending to be nice but really she's the complete opposite. Tell her very firmly with a nice big smile 'Thank you for you concern but please do not feed my cat any more as I believe it is causing problems. In fact, ideally, I would like you to squirt my cat with a water pistol to discourage him from entering your house'. Any further comments from her should be met with 'I trust you'll respect my wishes'.

Personally I'm not a cat fan but even I can recognise that keeping cats out of my property is my problem (I have a hose squirter thing on a sensor for that purpose). Just keep telling your NDN to water pistol your cat. It's not your problem.

After that, talk to your neighbours as little as possible.

Sorry to hear about your Mum.

BorpBorpBorp Fri 15-Jul-16 12:04:19

NDN sounds like a proper bitch. If she's a cat owner she should know that you can't control a cat. It's her/her cats' responsibility to stop your cat going into their house/garden.

The neighbour-but-one feeding and rounding him up at 8pm has got to stop, though. The feeding is making the situation worse, and rounding up someone else's cat every day is just bizarre.

SpookyRachel Fri 15-Jul-16 12:07:25

I'm sorry about your mum, OP.

Please don't let these daft neighbours upset you. They clearly don't know cats as well as they claim to.

Cats are territorial and they will always seek to widen their borders and lord it over the neighbouring cats.

Cats will go into homes that feed them. You can't stop that; only your neighbour-but-one can stop it by stopping doing it.

Cats will try it on, expanding their territory into other homes and eating other cats' food. It gets them food and it gets them territory. Again, nothing you can do - it's up to your NDN to take steps to stop it.

I have a problem with neighbourhood cats coming through our catflap (because my mog is as soft as shit, despite being the size of a baby sheep). Things that work: having a magnetic/electronic catflap, closing the catflap at night, spraying the intruders with water. Things that don't work: shouting at the neighbour.

diddl Fri 15-Jul-16 12:07:39

"he would be best going to live with her parents who love him!! "

Was your cat even in the fight or has the next but one neighbour made it up to get the cat?

They are both ridiculous.

Feeding someone elses cat, leaving doors open when there is food about.

If your cat had been injured in her garden she wouldn't be offering to pay, would she?

Mischa123 Fri 15-Jul-16 12:13:56

it is bloody annoying when cats that aren't yours keep coming in though so I understand her frustration about that. My mum and dad don't have cats and don't like cats but cant even leave their windows open at night or their back door open when they go into the back garden to do a bit of gardening because a neighbours cat keeps coming in. It also goes into other neighbours houses and even crapped on one neighbours sofa!

SquinkiesRule Fri 15-Jul-16 12:14:17

Make sure you're cat is chipped, neighbor who feeds sounds like she's ready to nick your cat and send it to her Mums.
Other neighbor needs to get over it. We have a neighbor cat who thinks she owns the whole street, she walks into ant open window and makes herself at home, we all just put her back out when she comes in. Spraying with water is a good idea.
As for commenting on your parenting, tell them to back off, and mind their own business. Bloody busybodies.

Wolpertinger Fri 15-Jul-16 12:21:43

Your lovely NDN-but-one sounds more like an interfering busybody with time on her hands. She appears to have turned into a shitstirrer unfortunately.

Tell her vet has recommended diet for cat and no more treats and you would be obliged if she stopped trying to steal your cat.

Equally tell NDN that going into other people's houses is normal cat behaviour, especially if she leaves food readily available, cats fight and who will not be paying her bill either, proof or no proof.

FisherQueen Fri 15-Jul-16 12:33:30

While I support cats right to roam (unkess raised as indoor cats with devoted owners and lots of enrichment), the hypocrisy about it never ceases to amaze me. Either cats are property or they are not - if they are property then you can ask the neighbour not to feed but are responsible for its actions (I.e. vet bill or damage caused). If not property then really you have no more right over the cat then anyone else. Can't have it both ways.

Wolfiefan Fri 15-Jul-16 12:36:28

Get him chipped so you can prove he's yours. Is he neutered? Neutered males generally roam and fight less. I would try and keep cats in at night. Much less chance of injury or accident.
Can you cat proof your garden?

IceRoadDucker Fri 15-Jul-16 12:50:33

FisherQueen actually yes you can.

OP, this is just something cat owners have to deal with--other cats coming in--unless they fork out for one of those microchip controlled cat flaps. The vet bill is nothing to do with you, as she is responsible for keeping her cats safe.

The other neighbour is a bigger issue IMO. She's pretty much trying to steal your cat and there's not much you can do about it except move (obviously ridiculous) or confine your cat indoors (cruel when he's used to going out). All you can really do is make sure he feels happy, secure and welcome in your home.

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