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AIBU?

To think in 2016 being sexually assualted on a train shouldn't feel normal

34 replies

catgirl1976 · 14/07/2016 22:32

And at nearly 40 years old I should be able to deal with it bettr

I got a very packed train from London to Reading tonight. It was heaving.

I was walking down the cramped aisle trying to find a seat and felt someone brush my arse. Turned round and there was a youngish man behind me who apologised. So I put it down to the train being so crowded

Then he did it again. Then he stroked my arm.

I turned round and looked at him and he said "Do you need help> (I had a heavy bag) I'd love to help a beautiful woman like you"

I said "I'm fine thanks"

Then I ended up standing in the bit between carriages.

He was by this point a bit further up and I was pinning myself to the luggage rack so he couldn't see me.

The train thinned out a bit and he came and stood near me and said "Long journey home?"

I said "Look I'm married and you are making me really uncomfortable" (Why didn't I just say fuck off you pervert?)

He said "You look good though and you've got a nice arse"

I didn't say anything (Why? Why did I just look at the floor? I'm feisty in my normal life but this wrong footed totally)

Then he walked off to my relief.

The train pulled into Reading and suddenly he was behind me again. He stroked my arm again. I got off and he did too.

There were two transport police on the station and I went and stood near them till he had gone. Then I phoned my husband and got a taxi instead of a train to my final destination.

Im so pissed off because I feel like in this day and age you shouldn't have to be groped on a train and also because I didn't slap him or make a fuss or even tell the transport police. Why? I guess I just wanted to get to where I was going without having to get involved in making a statement or something. But I was scared and pissed off and now I'm angry with him and with myself

I am SO fucked off that some men still think if a woman is trapped in a confined space its fucking fine to grope her. And I am SO fucked off I didn't do more.

AIBU that there should be some sort of standard way to deal with this that women are taught as like a national defence or reaction or something? Or am I just a nob who needs to stand up for herself more?

OP posts:

Report

Griphook · 14/07/2016 22:36

No you are my a knob, you felt threatened and vulnerable.

Don't blame the victim.

EastMidsMummy · 14/07/2016 22:37

So sorry you had to deal with this creep.

SpeakNoWords · 14/07/2016 22:39

Please don't berate yourself for your reactions - you're not going to know how to react when someone harasses and sexually assaults you. I think it's probably really normal to react how you did, and I think you did well to find the transport police and ensure your own safety.

It's appalling that there are still creatures like this man who thinks he can do what he likes to women in a public space. Of course you should be able to get to where you're going without having to deal with this kind of attack. I hope you're able to talk to someone in real life about it, to get it all out.

Perhaps you could consider reporting it as it may help with existing cases or with future ones. But only if you feel that's something you want to do.

catgirl1976 · 14/07/2016 22:40

Thank you all

I just feel so pathetic and that I let him get away with it (I did)

I think I will report it tomorrow. They might have him on CCTV and maybe it will do something.

OP posts:

Johnny5isAlive · 14/07/2016 22:41

Please don't be cross with yourself. Hindsight is wonderful but it was a frightening situation and you're better safe than sorry

OVienna · 14/07/2016 22:43

Please report that horrible creep,

catgirl1976 · 14/07/2016 22:44

I thought he was with a couple of other men and I was worried they might gang up on me at the station. I know that sounds a bit hysterical but I felt really vulnerable. What a prick that man is.

I've got a conference tomorrow (which is why I am down here) but I'll report it ton my way home on the off chance there is some CCTV

Is it the transport police I should ring or Great Western?

OP posts:

DailyFailAteMyFish · 14/07/2016 22:46

Some men are arseholes.
You didn't invite this.
Report him!
And have a large glass of wine.

Wyldfyre · 14/07/2016 22:47

Even if there is no CCTV there will be witnesses. BTP can appeal for them to come forward.

ParsnipSoup · 14/07/2016 22:49

Definitely report it to British Transport Police. If you text them they'll call you back. Often CCTV is erased after 24hrs so report it as soon as you can and they'll have a better chance of identifying the pervert.

You did not deserve to be treated like this, I hate things like this happening. I really really regret not reporting something similar a couple of years ago, I didn't realise how seriously BTP take it.

catgirl1976 · 14/07/2016 22:49

I;ve had a whole bottle of prosecco - hence my awful typing

I'lll ring BTP after the conference. I can give a good description of him and there were so many other people on the train someone might come forward. I will never see him again but no one should have to get on a train with this creep. He was about 20 as well. I sort of hoped young people might be a bit more progressive but I guess there are pricks in every demographic :(

OP posts:

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 14/07/2016 22:51

How horrible for you and you have every right to feel how you do. I would report the incident to British Transport Police.

I know it won't help now but for the future you might want to put the text details for British Transport Police in your phone? Then you can text them for help if you are assaulted or threatened on a train. You can do it discreetly and without the risk of provoking the perpetrator.

The number to text is 61 016

catgirl1976 · 14/07/2016 22:52

I'm on the phone to BTP now

OP posts:

SpeakNoWords · 14/07/2016 22:52

You weren't pathetic or hysterical - it's normal to feel vulnerable in that situation, so you did a sensible thing by finding the transport police for your safety.

Newbienew · 14/07/2016 22:54

I'm so sorry this happened to you. We all think we know how we would react to things like this but when you are in that sort of situation it's almost surreal.
I would class myself as a strong women who stands up for herself. But I was in a crowded place a few months ago and someone brushed my arse a fair few times for me to realise it wasn't an accident. What did I do ? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Went bright red and quiet. I was with my husband and children at the time and didn't say anything until later.

thecapitalsunited · 14/07/2016 23:03

So sorry this happened to you. I hope the BTP can be of some help.

You aren't alone in having experienced this. I've also been on th receiving end of a pervert - a guy on the tube kept touching my arse. I can't even explain properly why I didn't cause a fuss other than that he was with his wife and kid and I had this feeling that I didn't want to upset the kid and I'm fat so maybe he didn't mean to even though the tube wasn't packed so there was no need to touch me. It makes no sense to me now but you can't tell how you will react to being groped.

When I told my friends later one of them (a man) told me that it was my duty to cause a massive fuss. Well fuck him.

WellIGuessThisIsGrowingUp · 14/07/2016 23:04

Good for you for reporting him x

NovemberInDailyFailLand · 14/07/2016 23:13

Reading is bloody dangerous. I sadly have very good reasons for thinking so.

catgirl1976 · 14/07/2016 23:14

BTP were great

They took it very seriously and took loads of details. If there is CCTV they will see it

Someone from the control room will ring me tonight as well

Feel a bit better for reporting it. Hopefully somthing will come of it and he will leave women alone.

OP posts:

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 14/07/2016 23:15

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Horrible.

For future reference, when something similar happened to me many years ago I used the fact that there were other passengers to my advantage. I turned round, grabbed his wrist, and announced at the top of my voice that "this pervert has been groping my arse!" Every single person stared not at me but at him.

I can still remember how good that felt. He was utterly humiliated. Thought to myself that he wouldn't be doing that again in a hurry. I felt safe to do this because there were lots of people around. So often when we're assaulted it's in lonely places. When we're in a crowd we can sometimes use the crowd.

catgirl1976 · 14/07/2016 23:17

I wish Id done that :( Good for you and sorry it happened to you x

OP posts:

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 14/07/2016 23:20

'Reading is bloody dangerous'

No more so than any other city.

I'm sorry if something horrible happened to you there, but it really isn't any different to other large town/citY.

Planty18 · 14/07/2016 23:20

That's horrendous but I think you did really well to challenge him and make yourself safe. It's the best thing in the circumstances, we all deal with shock and fear differently. Well done for calling BTP too, were they helpful? I hope they find him

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 14/07/2016 23:22

Catgirl. I'm pleased you got such a good response from them. I hope they can track him down. Wanker.

Planty18 · 14/07/2016 23:22

Cross post sorry, that's good that they were so helpful

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