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DH not relaying info.

(15 Posts)
Fortybingowings Thu 14-Jul-16 21:20:05

Argggghhh. MIL has organised a family meal this Sunday out in a restaurant. I've only just found out now and we're expected to take the kids- both toddlers under 3. It's always like this and DH is supposed to tell me but forgets because he's busy. Only found out by accident tonight as DH rang his dad about something else and it comes up in conversation. There's me sat in the background, holding up my hands saying "what meal on Sunday? I don't know anything about it!" Don't get me wrong, I like the PILs but I hate being landed with stuff like this when DH doesn't relay arrangements he's sorted with his side of the family. I think probably, MIL told DH about it but he doesn't register that he should tell me what's planned. Bang go any plans I may have had for Sunday afternoon. Grrrr. Anyone else have a DH or DP who doesn't pass stuff on?

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia Thu 14-Jul-16 21:26:12

well unless you want him to carry on doing this then you have to issue some consequences.

or you can maintain the status quo and jump whenever he asks!

Do you have plans for sunday?

NoTractorsAtTheTable Thu 14-Jul-16 21:27:15

It's only Thursday though - even with toddlers to sort, that's still plenty of time to organise yourselves!

Not worth getting worked up about really - at least you know about it now, it's not like it's happening tomorrow, or you only found out on the day.

SexLubeAndAFishSlice Thu 14-Jul-16 21:27:51

Yes! Mine! Drives me barmy. He'll agree to things like Sunday lunch etc and forget to tell me until we're discussing what to cook for Sunday lunch and then he'll suddenly remember hmm

He also forgets to tell me major things, like a few weeks ago SIL claimed she had taken an overdose and then attacked the police officers that had turned up. I only found out when BIL mentioned it in passing!

NoTractorsAtTheTable Thu 14-Jul-16 21:28:27

Pressed send too soon - does he do this with more important issues too, like going away for work or doctors appointments etc?

AnyFucker Thu 14-Jul-16 21:36:37

Well of course you have to "remember" that you already have a prior engagement that you cannot change

Or alternatively, dig your heels in and refuse to go and tell him why

If you keep doing what you are doing, you will keep getting what you are getting

But if all you are doing is having a little whinge but will then fall right into line line....crack on with that

Fortybingowings Thu 14-Jul-16 21:37:10

He's got a mind like a sieve. I deal with it by making him stop what he's doing and open his outlook diary, and making him put in the event. For example he's taking DS to the doctor's next Tuesday when I'm also at work. DH is self employed and busy busy (successful own business) He works hard with doing his bit with the kids but things like this drive me nuts. Sulking a bit as I'd rather have selfishly gone to the gym rather than manage two busy toddlers in a nice restaurant.

FuriousFate Thu 14-Jul-16 21:39:38

So go to the gym then. If that's what you had planned, and he omitted to tell you, he can take the kids alone.

ImperialBlether Thu 14-Jul-16 21:40:48

Well, maybe he should take the children to the restaurant while you go to the gym? He needs consequences, doesn't he?

Glittered Thu 14-Jul-16 21:40:56

My dh is just like this, so mil tells me about stuff instead. My own dad is always like this so I always make arrangements with my step mum instead, it just saves a whole load of hassel grin

Trojanhorsebox Thu 14-Jul-16 21:44:01

Go to the gym, let him take the kids on his own.

AnyFucker is right - if you want this to stop you have to change your response to it. There have to be consequences or he'll just carry on and one day it will be really inconvenient/embarrassing/distressing as there will be a really awkward clash of committments, rather than it just being mildly annoying.

HermioneJeanGranger Thu 14-Jul-16 21:44:12

You can still go to the gym - let him take the toddlers on his own. You don't have go to go along with all his plans, he can take the children on his own if he's going to "forget" to tell you.

I bet he doesn't forget at work, though hmm

AnyFucker Thu 14-Jul-16 21:44:34

Glittered...you and your MIL are colluding in some proper manpleasing crap there

Feminism. Remember that ?

Men who hold down responsible jobs can remember the shitwork. They just choose not to....and the women in their lives enable it. I hope you are not bringing your dc up in the same vein.

Mouikey Thu 14-Jul-16 22:06:30

Can you not share a calendar on your phone so he can put it in as soon as it is organised? This has helped me and my DH loads!

RubbleBubble00 Thu 14-Jul-16 22:29:10

Mil texts me now as dh never relays

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