to ask dd to help pay for bathroom repairs?

(69 Posts)
EyeRollChampion Thu 14-Jul-16 18:39:01

My daughter is 16 and has left school. She has dyed her hair before, there is usually a little mess but I moan and she clears it up. The other day I came home and our newly-decorated (white) bathroom was covered in dark brown hair dye. I mean covered. White bath, white sink, white tiles, white walls, white floor, white cabinet, white wall rack, white towels dumped on floor... all covered. Hair dye bottles on sink, floor, dirty gloves on floor... I was very upset.

I don't know if I overreacted. I have bipolar disorder which is made worse by pregnancy hormones. I'm also having a horrible pregnancy which is getting me down no end. But she got an earful. When I demanded she go and clear it up, she said "I have, there's nothing more I can do". I was gobsmacked by her attitude. She eventually went and tidied up a bit more, but basically the floor needs replacing, the walls need repainting, the cabinet, towels and wall rack are ruined and I've tried bleaching the crap out of the rest, all to no avail as she'd left it on there for so long.

After calming down (which I confess took some time, despite me usually being very calm), I asked her very nicely when she was getting paid (she works one day a week) as we are skint and I needed to redo some things in the bathroom. I said not to worry about the extras that I had bought but that the foundations must be made good (we don't own our house).

I don't know now if I've been unfairly harsh. Like I mentioned, hormones and illness have a way of skewing my perspective. I feel tremendously guilty. My dd is lovely, if terminally lazy and sometimes stupendously thoughtless :/ I did have a right go at her when I found it, even swore at her. Very unlike me. Maybe asking forayment was a bridge too far? Or just teaching her to be responsible?

HALP

Littlefish Thu 14-Jul-16 18:44:18

She should absolutely be contributing to the cost of replacing everything, I think I would go further actually - if she's only working one day a week, she needs to get a second job in order to contribute more. I would be absolutely furious!

NorfolkEnchantsToday Thu 14-Jul-16 18:45:27

YADNU and you defo did not over react! Id be fuming

Magtheridon Thu 14-Jul-16 18:46:04

She should have cleaned it up instantly. She should definitely be contributing. Absolutely awful behaviour and attitude "there's nothing more i can do".

MatildaTheCat Thu 14-Jul-16 18:46:08

OMG, I would have murdered her. YANBU. In fact you are being VVR.

Get quotes for the repairs and work out a staged payment for a proportion of the costs. If she has to go without new clothes etc it will help her remember. There absolutely must be a consequence for this.

One thing to consider would be checking if your house contents insurance will pay but I doubt it.

And a total ban on ever dying her hair in your house again.

Good luck with the pregnancy, I hope it improves.

Notthebumtroll Thu 14-Jul-16 18:47:11

I think you under reacted given the circumstances!! I'd have been livid op- did she even seem to understand why you were upset??

ArmySal Thu 14-Jul-16 18:47:18

Flashbacks to getting bollocked for the same thing!

I had to pay for new towels and towards a new carpet.

YANBU.

Lostinmaui Thu 14-Jul-16 18:48:51

YADNBU. She is 16 not 6. See it as an opportunity to teach dd to have an adult respect for your home.

TheWeeBabySeamus1 Thu 14-Jul-16 18:51:28

My mum would've skinned my hide - not for the mess but definitely for the attitude, so she got off lightly imo.

Don't feel guilty. You're doing your job as a parent by making her pay for the damage she caused, preparing her for the real world where you have to take responsibility for your own messes.

OurBlanche Thu 14-Jul-16 18:51:38

Itemise the costs:

1. To the owner/landlord. How much they will want to put their fixtures and fittings right... basically how much deposit you would lose if it is left like that!

2. Your costs: how much you spent and will have to spend again, including the hours it will take.

She is 16... definitely old enough to know better and to be brought face to face with the consequences of her actions.

And don't apologise for having lost it with her. She behaved badly and compounded it with her attitude!

Mrsraypurchase Thu 14-Jul-16 18:53:00

Bloody right she should make good. Absolutely.

Scarydinosaurs Thu 14-Jul-16 18:53:01

YADNBU

itemise it all, charge her.

specialsubject Thu 14-Jul-16 19:04:58

take no prisoners on this one - that is revoltingly entitled and also just a bit dumb. What was she thinking?

you cannot let her continue being this air-headed, it is no favour to her or to anyone else she lives with. Her wages go towards sorting this out and selling some possessions would also be good.

consequences!

TheWitTank Thu 14-Jul-16 19:05:53

I would absolutely fuming! Very disrespectful and bratty behaviour. She would be paying for it all if she was my DD. It wasn't an accident and she couldn't be arsed to try to clean up -she pays for it. Lesson learned for the future, treat things that belong to others with respect.

JustHappy3 Thu 14-Jul-16 19:08:19

I think you behaved remarkably calmly. She has damaged stuff. She's 16 not 6. You have a right to be angry and to be sad. Also ban her from dyeing her hair in your house ever again.

humblesims Thu 14-Jul-16 19:09:08

I agree with everyone. YANBU at all.

madein1995 Thu 14-Jul-16 19:11:34

YANBU. You're so calm, id be livid if I was you. To make it that bad it needs replacing! She's not a kid and its bad. She made the mess/damage, she sorts it out

Cookingongas Thu 14-Jul-16 19:12:28

Yanbu! I'd make her pay for all of it. What a disgrace. She won't be helped by being mollycoddled through this one. Time for responsibility and consequences imo

milpool Thu 14-Jul-16 19:13:58

Has she tried absolutely everything to get it off? Vodka etc?

TheWitTank Thu 14-Jul-16 19:17:44

youtu.be/C6f42a0mRb8o

Watch this and try, you might be able to salvage some things?

PotOfYoghurt Thu 14-Jul-16 19:18:03

God no, you're not overreacting. How disrespectful and lazy. If she had cleaned it up straight away it wouldn't have stained.

Has she tried everything she can find on google? Magic eraser etc? If she doesn't want to pay she had best research some solutions.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Thu 14-Jul-16 19:18:46

Have you tried those magic sponges and HG bleach?

LockedOutOfMN Thu 14-Jul-16 19:20:43

Work out how much it will all cost, show her the bills / calculations so she realises the extent of the damage and then work out a schedule for her to pay back as much of it as you think she should.

Well done to you for regaining and then maintaining your calm with her after the initial shock.

KatieC0811 Thu 14-Jul-16 19:21:13

As a person with dyed hair, and also a mum to be I see this from both sides, yes she should have tried a bit harder not to ruin the bathroom and clean up more thoroughly, however hairdye gets EVERYWHERE, and unless spotted and removed instantly, it's unlikely you'll have much luck getting it off. Can understand that you'd want her to contribute to covering it up, however it's not as if she did it to spite you (I would think not anyway). YANBU but don't stay angry at her, although she should see that it's her responsibility to help fix it.

SabineUndine Thu 14-Jul-16 19:21:50

As one who may have got a few hair dye blobs on the bathroom paintwork I'll just point out that it's hard to see when it lands, and indelible within a minute. But I don't think YABU for going apeshit.

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