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AIBU to worry that my 18 dd's only life is through social media

(18 Posts)
user1468483366 Thu 14-Jul-16 10:58:44

DD has zero social life & spends all her waking hours on social media, never goes out, has no one to go out with and spends weekends and evenings with me?

VioletBam Thu 14-Jul-16 11:00:03

Does she have a job or go to college?

Excited101 Thu 14-Jul-16 11:25:47

What social media is she using? Is it not one that can at all transfer into 'real life'?

blueskyinmarch Thu 14-Jul-16 11:37:02

What social media is she using? Is she speaking to actual local friends that she could meet up with? Or does she speak to random people? Either way it sounds very unhealthy.

Is she in college or working? If neither then she really should be. Is she depressed? Has she got real life friends?

LouSavage Thu 14-Jul-16 11:46:19

From experience I'd say yes you're right to be concerned.

CancellyMcChequeface Thu 14-Jul-16 12:04:15

I'd be very concerned if she doesn't have something to do during the day - job/studying/volunteering.

I wouldn't worry about how she chooses to spend her free time, though. I'm an introvert and my 'social life,' such as it is, is mostly conducted online. If the internet didn't exist, I wouldn't have become sociable, I'd just be more isolated.

user1468483366 Thu 14-Jul-16 12:08:01

She's just left college and looking for work.
She's using Facebook, snapchat and instagram.
It hit me after this last weekend just how isolated she is.

She has been talking to someone for months on all the above social media with very little chance to meet up with them as they live many miles away. As a family we know them as they are involved in an activity my dh does. Anyway to cut a long story short this person has been filling her so full of bullsh@t and he had promised her the world. This weekend he paraded his new girlfriend in front of her.

She does have hobbies that involve meeting other people but is reliant on me driving her there (we show horses). TBH the showing world is full of aquantances but no real friends.

user1468483366 Thu 14-Jul-16 12:10:30

Oh, and to add to the mix although she is 18 she would easily get taken for a 12 or 13 year old.

BengalCatMum Thu 14-Jul-16 12:21:16

I think if she has RL friends on social media, then its different to having 1 friend on social media who is not RL friend. But it is different for that generation regarding RL/online so will try to explain below.

I am 25, my sister is 21, DH is 23, DH's sisters are 20 and 18.

We all comment on how the 18 yr old is quite literally part of a different generation.

We all used social media but for the 18 year old it is different; they use it ALL the time - on holiday, on train, at dinner table, like EVERYWHERE.

DH's 18 year old sis also met her GF online (not RL friend to begin with) and we were all like eeerrr, is this a good idea!?.. but various chaperoning between cities & secret spying later; by us slightly older and all ended well, and have been together for a year now, and are attached at the hip in RL.

So I would be less concerned that she uses social media CONSTANTLY, and be more concerned that she is not socialising in RL (as social media is a good way to create & solidify RL friendships). But obviously it is very difficult to force RL relationships, both by you forcing, but also for your daughter to force them. So please try not to make such a big deal of it.

Encourage her to go to uni; she will have lots of RL friend options then. And I found my uni friends are now the ones I see as my (hopefully) life long friends as opposed to my high school or college friends (which I don't really see anymore).

BengalCatMum Thu 14-Jul-16 12:25:42

Oh and when I say EVERYWHERE, I forgot to say its like the phone generation of social media.

Us older (Me and DH 22+) tend to use social media only on computers/ laptops.

Those in middle (My sis, DH older sis 21/20) tend to use 'proper' social media on computer/ tablet but 'quick' media such as snapchat, instagram on their phones.

18 year old uses all media on phones, so all in her pocket IYSWIM.

I think this is how it has become such everytime thing

JCo24 Thu 14-Jul-16 14:21:50

Bengal, I get that you're married and all but us 'older' people still use social media on smart phones. In fact all my friends do, and we're all in the 23-27 age range.

VioletBam Thu 14-Jul-16 14:24:00

Lol I'm 43 and use Twitter and Instagram on my phone!

geekymommy Thu 14-Jul-16 16:04:38

I was this kid, though there was no social media then. I stayed home reading, playing Nintendo, or talking on the phone.

I got more of a social life when I went away to college, and I didn't have to ask anyone to drive me so I could see friends, and didn't have to get the third degree every time I wanted to go out. I always was an introvert, though. That's just what I am. The Internet was a boon to my social life, as it has been to lots of introverts.

I'm 41 now, married, and have two kids. One of them is an 11 month old who doesn't sleep, so my social life is largely online. I still like video games.

BengalCatMum Thu 14-Jul-16 17:02:16

Embarrassed for two reasons

A - Wrote this in rush so accidentally wrote DH instead of DP haha; so not actually married, sorry but wish I was though, love DP lots & lots
B - Obviously not very 'up with the times' when its comes to phone use or 'Quick Media' hahah. And Snapchat Stories do look a lot of fun.

But I still think Twitter and Instagram are 'quick' media; they aren't 'proper' social media. You cant really have proper conversations or reinforce/ forge relationships in a private way. They are like public platforms for sharing things; rather than having a private in depth conversation with someone (like FB chat for example).

nosyupnorth Thu 14-Jul-16 18:32:41

You say she never goes out but if until the end of term she's been attending college, she's currently looking for work, and she goes out to horse events with you that sounds like plenty of going out to me.
I really don't see a problem.
If this is a sudden change then I could understand a cause for concern but right now to me your post just reads like you making a fuss over the fact your daughter is a little introverted

VanillaSugar Thu 14-Jul-16 18:43:09

My DD left school this summer. She's currently on holiday with her boyfriend, then off for 2 weeks' work experience ' and then after that she will stay in her bedroom in her phone / laptop until she goes to uni. So, a bit of a mix, (and we live 200 miles from her school friends) ...

I think a mix is good so pursuade her to go out each day and communicate with real people...

user1468483366 Fri 15-Jul-16 22:21:51

I honestly don't think I'm over reacting when she hasn't spoken to anyone outside the family for the last 7 days. Yes we go out together but now she's finished college it's like we are joined at the hip.

BackforGood Fri 15-Jul-16 22:36:53

Well, like you, I would be worried if my teens didn't go out, yes.
It should be a wonderful time in your life. Ihave lots of family and friends around that age and most are actually on holiday now - enjkying being able to go in term time and without the wrinklies

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