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AIBU?

Bullies parents

53 replies

MermaidTears · 13/07/2016 16:43

MermaidTears

Just wanted to ask if anyone has ever actually confronted their child's bullies parents, and if so did any good come of it? After my fifth time being called up the school to be informed of this kid bullying my DD (now escalated into stamping on her lower back after pushing her to the ground at lunchtime) I have understandably gone absolutely ape shit at the head teacher and threatened to confront the parents. He looked aghast and claimed no good would come of it and to let him deal with it. I said, well you haven't shown my in any way it's being dealt with, in fact it's got much worse. Fuming on my poor DD behalf. What should I do, put my faith in the school or drop kick the mum in the face at home time? (Only half joking there hmm ). I have reached breaking point. Thanks in advance.

OP posts:

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HighwayDragon1 · 13/07/2016 16:45

How old? I'd go to the police if older than 9

gandalf456 · 13/07/2016 16:47

I agree with the head. If her dd is that violent, you have to wonder where she gets it from. Or she might not be but might be totally oblivious and not want to believe it.

If my kids turned out to be bullies, I think I would have a Job getting my head round it so someone coming at me with both guns would likely put me on the defensive even if they had a point

pigsDOfly · 13/07/2016 16:49

That sound like a serious assault to me. In your shoes I'd be considering bypassing the school if the head has done nothing and talking to the police.

I wouldn't confront the parents though. Depending on the kind of family they are you could possibly find yourself being attacked as well.

Keep it official.

IceBeing · 13/07/2016 16:50

mermaid well first of all I would keep your DD safe. If the school can't then you need to take her out of school.

Then I would give the school a small space of time (a couple of days) to come up with a plan that you are convinced will result in no further injury to your child.

If that fails then begin contacting OFSTED/governers...anyone who can force the school to deal with the issue.

zzzzz · 13/07/2016 16:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IceBeing · 13/07/2016 16:51

What did the HT say the school were going to do to deal with it?

ArmySal · 13/07/2016 16:53

I'd speak to the parent and let them know what was going on and ask them to ask their child to stop.

I'd drop kick her if it carried on.

scampimom · 13/07/2016 16:54

That's beyond bullying, that's assault. Not surprised you're fuming, I'd want some clear steps outlined as to exactly what the school are proposing to do about it. This is NOT something that can be dealt with by having a little chat with the perpetrator.

ohtheholidays · 13/07/2016 16:55

Honestly I'd speak to the Police,if that was done to one of my children there would be hell to pay!

I did go straight to the Parent more than once,3 different boys and I did lose it.All 3 parents dealt with they're sons.One of the boys had been bullying other people's children for years and his mother was a bully.Neither her or her son ever started on anyone ever again.

99percentchocolate · 13/07/2016 16:57

I agree with keeping things official just to ensure your own safety. I would be lighting a fire under the schools arse though - I would give them 2 days to come up with a plan and if assurances that if it happens again then the child will be removed from the school. If they fail to follow through with this then I would contact OFSTED and the governors.

BerriesandLeaves · 13/07/2016 16:58

I only dealt with the school. The bully realised they couldn't get away with overt bullying and made it more subtle, but it still affected my dd. I've wondered if i would have been better speaking to the bully mum. I didn't when it started as i was upset so would have had a hard time staying cool. Dd now at secondary in a different class and fingers crossed year 7 has been fine.

MermaidTears · 13/07/2016 16:59

I have kept her off, and will do so until I have in writing from school what steps they are planning to take to keep her away from my child. They are 7/8 and its been on going. Also called up because she was strangled which nearly caused me to commit fucking murder!!!. I have emailed school, offsets, everyone. Absolutely raging. The op asking what good it would do to confront parents....well if it were my kid I'd fully expect an angry mother wanting a word, and secondly, I just feel it might be taken more seriously if I expressed the fact I will involve police if the kid hurts mine again in such a violent way.

OP posts:

NicknameUsed · 13/07/2016 17:03

You need to contact the chair of governors and the safeguarding team at your LA. Our LA can and does take action under these circumstances.

MermaidTears · 13/07/2016 17:05

ice the head couldn't really say anything specific just that he will be trying his best. That did nothing to reassure me so I have requested in writing which steps/procedures will be carried out as I have huge reservations about sending her in without reassurance she is kept away.

OP posts:

IceBeing · 13/07/2016 17:06

If you already tried governers and OFSTED then I would go to the police. I wouldn't wait for it to happen again either.

cavkc123 · 13/07/2016 17:06

Years ago our son was being bullied by a lad of the same age but who was twice his size, I think they were about 8/9

Anyway the school didn't do anything, so DH wrote a friendly email to the kids parents. They were absolutely horrified, it was the first they'd heard about it, the mum was actually a child psychologist!!

They were true to their word and it stopped immediately.

My advice would be to keep it friendly, along the lines of "you probably don't know anything about this but ....." Of course if that fails, go for the throat

Good luck

IceBeing · 13/07/2016 17:07

wow that is bull from the HT.

Absolutely terrible.

LilacSpunkMonkey · 13/07/2016 17:09

The school cannot tell you what they will be doing wrt to the other child or their parents. They can only tell you what they will be doing for your child.

Iamworried2016 · 13/07/2016 17:10

I have confronted by dds bullies via their parents as school did nothing. It was ongoing, my dd constantly in tears..
It did me a huge lot of no good whatsoever. They refused to see bad in their daughters , blamed each others child etc etc.
Even though these girls are well known bullies and nasty their mothers are too oblivious to see it. I was friendly and to the point and I explained it was a last resort and not my ideal way of getting involved in dds life but I felt I had no choice.

Good luck with whatever you do, in my case it wasn't violent but emotional and if it was violent I'm not sure how I'd restrain myself.. but thats me and I know its not a common attitude but sometimes you have no choice.

MermaidTears · 13/07/2016 17:10

Thanks everyone. Someone gently alluded that perhaps I was overreacting. So I'm glad to hear from you all that I'm not. It's actually the kids dad that picks her up every single day. So maybe drop kicking isn't the best idea

OP posts:

LikeIGiveAFrock · 13/07/2016 17:14

My working in schools head is telling me to let the school deal with it

My mum head is saying have a out and out argument word with the parent who collects from school

My mum head is winning , no one hurts my child

jamhot · 13/07/2016 17:22

My dad once went to have a word with the dad of a boy who punched my DBro. The dad punched my dad.

So, sometimes it doesn't work out. Keep safe, whatever you choose to do.

lalalalyra · 13/07/2016 17:22

Do you know for sure if they know?

I was mortified when a, naturally angry, but very restrained parent approached me when one of my girls was 8 to ask me what could be done to sort the situation as she was at the point of considering changing her DD's school. It wasn't as physical as what was happening to your DD, but my DD and her two friends were being utterly vile to another child.

I was under the impression from the school that the girls had fallen out and had pretty much not taken any notice because they always did that. The school absolutely did not make me aware that the situation was anything more than that. I was so embarassed when it turned out the 3 girls were actively picking on 1 girl - leaving her out, calling her names, etc.

It never happened again on DD's part after that day. I've no idea what the school were playing at letting it go on and on and on, but DD was dealt with by me and it stopped. She and the girl are actually friends now and DD is part of the anti-bully counsel at her high school (she knew she was being nasty and vile, but she didn't realise just how bad it was for the other girl and still feels guilty about it).

Goingtobeawesome · 13/07/2016 17:25

We went to the police. We knew the parents wouldn't be reasonable. The head was refusing to follow policy. They now have social services involved and the police are keeping an eye.

PhoenixReisling · 13/07/2016 17:35

I have a feeling that the HT said it due to two reasons.

Firstly being that the parents of this child are extremely difficult or have issues that he is unable to discuss with you.

Or

He's inept and is not dealing with the issue. Which means that he is trying to fob you off.

IMO, I would go to the police every. Single. Time.

Don't ask the school, just do it....I suspect that after a police visit to the school/child, then things will improve.

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