AIBU to think a week long holiday will make no difference?(34 Posts)
Quick background. I have 2 dd's (2.5yrs and 7mnths), I work full time self employed in a physically and mentally demanding job (worked to 38 wks pregnant and back with baby in tow at 2 weeks), DH works long hours in a highly demanding job, neither dd sleeps particularly well and don't even get me started on trying to keep on top of the house! Any way, I think I may genuinely be struggling with proper exhaustion (seems silly to go to the doctor as they'd just say I need to cut back, which I can't). DH has said we need to get a holiday sorted so I can relax and have a break. Don't get me wrong, a holiday would be lovely but aibu to think a few days after getting back from a holiday with two small dc's I'll probably still be knackered? I'd be very happy to hear I am bu and that I'll come back feeling totally refreshed and good to go for another 6 months or so! If not, please tell me how you juggle work/kids/housework without feeling constantly exhausted!
I get it. It's like a sticking plaster on a gaping wound - very short term and not a solution and won't change anything. You will spend the wk dreading coming home.
I think I'd be thinking more about a nanny/au pair/night nanny and a cleaner
Ok, can you afford to outsource anything? More childcare to give you a bit of a break? Cleaner?
Go hardcore on sleep? Buy in expert help if its financially possible?
Thank you for the responses. Unfortunately we are not in the position to afford much (if any) more help. 2 yr old is in childcare 3 days a week but I am working during that time. I would like to get a cleaner but need to get the house in some sort of order first and that feels like a monumental task atm
Take the holiday and use it to get rested enough to think up a more long term plan. You say you can't cut back but you HAVE to do something - take a week off to work out what.
Instead of a regular cleaner, could you hire someone (or a team of people) to come in one day while you're working and blitz the place? It might be easier to keep on top of it if it's properly clean and organised to start with?
Why would you be able to relax on holiday? - you'd still have two little children to look after! A week of holiday is unlikely to help much with your exhausted state - what really might, is if you and your DH both took a week off work, and did relaxing things at home. Proper sleeps, going swimming or whatever, a few nice trips out to entertain the two year old. Holidays at home are great when you have children this small.
Gosh that sounds tough.. sometimes organising a holiday is a burden in itself . Mainly the packing and travelling and new environment I find tough with two little ones. Could you maybe organise a staycation? If you don't already have a cleaner hire in a proper company beforehand to do a one off blitz for a few hours. Order in ready meals like from Cook or M&S and concentrate on relaxing when you are at home. In the long term, what can you give up that will make life better in financial terms so you both don't have to work so hard??
I have recently employed a cleaner and I feel like a weight has been lifted from around my neck - it really does make a difference knowing that the house I clean. (She does 2.5 hours for £25) Knock on effect is that we are now attempting to keep the house tidier so that it's not a clean up for the cleaner kind of job.
I would still take the holiday, just allow yourself some headspace and time to think.
A stay-cation sounds like a good idea...or maybe I should just run off for a week on a desert beach on my own ;)
I find it hard to say no to clients and know I am taking on too much but we need the money. I will have a good think about how we can cut our bills down but really we don't buy much other than the essentials and it would be nice to be able to save some money each month. Will look in to a one off deep clean too, thank you.
I honestly don't know anyone who only had four weeks off to give birth - only two to recover. No bloody wonder you're knackered. Tbh I don't know what you can do now to try to catch up on recovery. There's a reason for maternity leave.
Holiday with 2.5 and 7mo is no holiday! You will be more exhausted after that.
Yes, rather spend the money on a cleaning team or something else that helps you in day to day life.
How about a week off, where you both are off. Do a few day trips or an overnight somwhere if you want to get away. The rest of the time - DH takes kids out for the day so you get a day "off" and then you do same for him. You get the house straightened up, take it in turns to do the nightshift with the kids and have alternate lie ins and have cleaners scheduled for the week you go back to work/arrange for ironing to go out/book someone to cut the grass/window cleaner.
You are getting family time off together use the money that you would have spent on a holiday to help get you straightened out.
You are in the worst of it (I didn't work when my two were the same ages of yours, so my heart goes out to you - it's amazing you are still standing!)
You need a decluttering and kondo.
Take the week off, hire a skip and simplify your life.
Then look for a cleaner, it will make your life easier. Decluttering will make you happy.
Its a very difficult age gap, I remember those times. It does get easier.
Stay at home but treat it like you were on holiday.
Both you and DH switch off phones, put emails on vacation mode.
Go for days out to places youve never been before in your area.
Take a picnic and a bottle of wine to the park.
Get a babysitter and go to the pub/ caff/ art museum.
Or just go for a walk as a family, get an ice cream or some chips. Break the routine.
Use the money you'd have spent on holiday to get a cleaner in for a week or two, or a few service washes at a laundrette. Or a deep clean as suggested.
Fwiw We did controlled crying with the youngest around that age. It worked.
I agree. A week away with those age dc is not relaxing! Plus there is loads of getting ready (packing for a baby is hard work!) and then getting them back into the routine once you get home.
I agree with pp. Could you take the week off but keep the older one in preschool?
What's your budget for the holiday? How far would it stretch if you were to say, put both DCs in to the nursery for one extra morning a week as 'me' time instead? If it could get you a morning a week for a couple of months, do that. You need time and head space. Throwing a couple of grand at a week away isn't going to help you longer term.
Could you cut back your hours? I am self employed too when mu kids were that age I rarely worked over 20 hours a week, sometimes I would just work 5 or 6. We moved to a smaller house out of the city when the kids were young so we could rely on a lower family income.
It worked well I was not frazzled, able to spend nice days with the kids relaxing in the garden, go to toddler groups, days out having picnics with friends.
And I don't own an iron.
Just wanted to say that life will get easier. This, right now, is the hardest bit. The older your DDs get, the easier and less dependent they will become. Do feel for you, OP.
Your eldest will soon get her free nursery hours (the term after she turns 3), and am I right in thinking working parents now get 30 hours a week instead of 15? Someone will confirm in a minute, I'm sure. Could you use the money you will save for a cleaner? Or a babysitter once or twice a week so you can go to the gym/pub/whatever or have a date night?
Take a week's holiday at home, save the money for a deep clean, and make a long-term plan. If you can't do anything to relieve pressure immediately, it might help to know that there's an end date, that in 6 months' time, life will be easier. Then it's more a case of wading through than drowning with no escape.
Museumum, not much choice with my job, I would have lost all my clients and had to start from scratch. At least I could take baby with me (if that hadn't been an option then I would have had to rethink). I was doing really well up until the last couple of months but it's just all caught up with me I think.
The budget for a holiday isn't big, but could definitely cover a cleaner to get us straight. DH is excellent at tidying (when asked usually) but not at cleaning so I really think a cleaner may help. There's no point me putting the baby in childcare as I would be working during that time anyway (generally work Mon-Fri 9-4 plus 3 evenings 6-9 plus all the admin!).
Thanks everyone for making me think about the reality of a holiday with both dd's...well and truly put off that idea!
A holiday with small children is hard work IME. Good fun, but tiring so probably not what you need right now, unless you're holidaying without the kids. I think your best bet is to take a week off work but stay at home with the kids still in childcare, then you can sleep in the day, bliss. Or get a cleaner /nanny/ home help to take some of the pressure off as others have suggested.
Just wanted to say thank you to those who took the time to comment yesterday. I had a bit of a breakdown today when a letter came through from hrmc demanding a late payment fee (sorted now and it was their mistake)...felt like the straw that broke the camels back. DH spent an hour on the phone to me trying to calm me down and eventually we had a really great conversation and I explained how I thought a holiday may not be the best option and told him some of your suggestions. We have both booked a week in September off to stay home and relax, my parents will have the kids for two days and we will spend two days totally cluttering and tidying/cleaning. We are going to book in a deep clean for the day we go back to work and then a weekly cleaner. We are also going to look in to extending one day of 2yr olds childcare and see if the baby can join for those two hours so I can have just a little chill. Feeling much more positive.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.