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To tell the teens they can't watch TV in the living room around the toddler's bedtime?

(38 Posts)
BigBollards Tue 12-Jul-16 20:41:30

I have a 22 month old and have difficulties getting her settled to sleep easily. I've started being more strict with an evening routine, and part of that is quiet time before supper. I can't do this in her room because it's tiny, only big enough for her cot. I'd like her to sometimes watch a bit of cbeebies, or read or cuddle with soothing music on. However, my step children, all older teens, end up hanging around in the living room chatting or putting films on. They've each got their own rooms with TVs and WiFi but like to gather sociably downstairs. Which is fine, but I'd rather they didn't for an hour or so around the toddler's bedtime.

If I don't get her calmed and in the mood for bed, I'm usually stuck trying to get her to sleep until 10pm. DP said it's unfair to tell them they can't be in their own living room every night, but I think it's unfair that I give up all my evenings fighting a toddler to sleep. DP works most evenings so I can't say 'well you sort the bedtime routine out then'.

Before anyone suggests it, the house isn't big enough for me to use another quiet room to let her relax and play, but like I say they all have decent sized bedrooms with TVs, laptops, gaming etc in. Two of their bedrooms are big enough for them all to congregate in if they wish to watch stuff together.

Am I being unfair to put my foot down with this? I've already had to stop them having the living room TV on all day every day as the toddler just ends up gawping at it and ignoring her toys & activities.

MsVestibule Tue 12-Jul-16 20:49:47

Have you asked them to either sit in the lounge quietly for an hour, or go to their own rooms? If so, what was their reaction?

hastheworldgonemad Tue 12-Jul-16 20:52:01

I had toddlers and teens op. No I think it's fine as their bedrooms sound great but in that case couldn't you use one of their bedrooms to settle your toddler.

MollyTwo Tue 12-Jul-16 20:54:17

Yabu, use one of their rooms if you want a bit of quiet time. You can't really dictate that the family room be on complete down time when you have another option.

Lilaclily Tue 12-Jul-16 20:54:28

I'd prefer the teens in the family room tbh
That phase won't last long where they want to be downstairs chatting
Your toddler could watch cbeebies on an iPad in your room or theirs or the TV in the teens room ?

peachpudding Tue 12-Jul-16 20:54:44

why can't you read to DC in bedroom?

longdiling Tue 12-Jul-16 20:54:56

Would it really take an hour to settle her? My three are closer in age but the littlest gets to chose a program before bed, then when she goes up the middle child does and then the eldest. We are only talking 30 minutes max though.

Lilaclily Tue 12-Jul-16 20:55:23

Screen time isnt that calming though
Do you do bath and stories as well ?

HermioneJeanGranger Tue 12-Jul-16 20:56:51

Why can't you settle her in your room? I don't think it's fair to ban people from the family room just because you're struggling to get one of the children to sleep.

monkeywithacowface Tue 12-Jul-16 20:57:28

I would have thought a nice long play in the bath and stories in hers (or yours) bedroom would be a more calming bedtime routine tbh.

OiWithThePoodlesAlready Tue 12-Jul-16 21:01:11

I think yabu. I don't think its fair for one child to take over a communal room. Can't she wind down in your bedroom?

CremeBrulee Tue 12-Jul-16 21:04:46

No that's not fair on the rest of the family.!if her room is too small can't you do stories etc in your room before putting her down to sleep?

I think it's better that she gets used to settling herself with some normal level of daily living noise in the house.

Lunar1 Tue 12-Jul-16 21:06:17

Settle her in your room. A family room is just that, for family to spend time together in. You want your child to have a good relationship with her siblings. Not for them to think they are unwelcome because they have to disappear while you and your special princess have everyone pandering around them.

EdmundCleverClogs Tue 12-Jul-16 21:07:07

Yes, I'm also wondering why you couldn't settle the baby in your room?

I remember being a teen with a much younger new sibling. It was enough of an adjustment without being told I wasn't allowed to stay in the family room at certain times. I'm afraid it's up to you to find a way to compromise, not them.

RubbleBubble00 Tue 12-Jul-16 21:09:33

I do it in my room, sitting on my bed. I use iPad for some CBeebies and cuddle up in my bed for a story. I get dc nice and sleepy then pop into cot and read another story and perhaps couple of songs sitting next to the cot

poocatcherchampion Tue 12-Jul-16 21:09:40

Do you like your step children?

TallulahTheTiger Tue 12-Jul-16 21:10:03

When are the teens allowed to watch TV in the family room? Not in the day as you don't want it on, and now not in the evening? Doesn't sound like good fostering of relations!

PotteringAlong Tue 12-Jul-16 21:14:32

Completely unreasonable. A toddler doesn't get to rule the roost over the rest of the family. You cannot banish everyone else upstairs. Why is her room not big enough to settle her in? How much room does a toddler and an adult need to sit on the bed and watch CBeebies on the iPad (if that's what you're looking to happen)?

JayDot500 Tue 12-Jul-16 21:15:22

This would be absolutely unfair to your step children. Teens who want to be in communual areas.... you should be so happy!

As others have suggested, if you need quiet to wind down use another room.

BigBollards Tue 12-Jul-16 22:03:05

I don't want to banish the teens completely but I have got fed up of the TV being on so much. It's our communal room and I don't like having the TV on so much. I do like my step kids, for the poster who asked. We get along brilliantly and I love having then involved with their little sister. I just don't want her gawping at the screeching on Jeremy Kyle or loud, often too old, films all day long. They're always welcome to spend the day with us in the family room, just with a limit on all day TV.

Re. The suggestion of using one of their rooms to settle, that wouldn't work because their rooms are disgustingly grotty, as many teen rooms are!

For those asking why her room isn't big enough, because as I already said, it's only just big enough for her cot. There is literally nowhere for me to sit with her.

I'll have to give it a go with her in my room. It's just that that's where I do the actual putting to sleep routine and I'd been thinking that the hour or so leading up to bedtime starting to wind down with quieter activities should be done away from that room, to signal that soon it will be time to go up to bed. But I'll give it a go.

longdiling Tue 12-Jul-16 22:24:59

It hardly sounds like the toddler rules the roost when the teens have larger bedrooms with all mod cons and the toddler is in a teeny box room! I think it's fine to expect TV to be shared with some TV time for teens and some for toddlers. Why should any group get complete control of what's on in a family area? They will presumably have free reign once she's in bed. Try your room but I honestly don't see why you and the toddler should be banished upstairs every night!

hastheworldgonemad Tue 12-Jul-16 22:29:31

Yes her tye Jeremy Kyle thing and I had that too but it was my choice/wine accident wink to have toddlers and teens.

Op you need to settle your child in your room and personally I would never use CBeebies or iPad to settle to bed.

Tea, bath, story bed. Light off no messing. She's 22 months not 2 months.

The big relationship here is between your dd and her siblings. Don't make her seem a pain in the arse.

It's difficult I know. I had 2 teens and 2 toddlers and it's a balance yoyr toddler has the family room and even all day. Teens are out.

As for the tv crap teens watch after school they all do and it's normal.

Your dd will too.

KoalaDownUnder Tue 12-Jul-16 22:33:31

Bit hmm at 'They're always welcome to spend the day with us in the family room'. That's big of you! They bloody live there, I should hope so!

After your update, I think YABVU, sorry. I don't think one child needs exclusive use of the family room to 'wind down', THEN up to your room for 'the bedtime routine', then finally bed.

Just spend an hour with her in your room doing stories etc.

You are being precious.

BoGrainger Tue 12-Jul-16 22:51:38

Surely the 'bedroom routine' IS the winding down faff etc. Bath, cuddle, story, carefully disentangle, lay in cot, creep out.

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp Tue 12-Jul-16 22:55:05

god yabu

you don't like them much do you

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