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To think they're full of shit?

(18 Posts)
Maybeimabitch Tue 12-Jul-16 18:46:34

I once had a friend who lots of people disliked. They were disliked because they said offensive things to people, were overbearing and gobby and had always been this way. I accepted this about my friend and saw past it because I understood they were damaged. We went out and had a good time but I knew this wasn't someone I could really rely on. This person would take advantage by letting me pay for everything as this person could never be bothered to hold down a job. They were selfish and would only do something if they would benefit though they tried to pretend it was for me. I saw this person using other people in a similar way. This was still ok as I always knew where I stood but I regularly had to apologise for this person. When this person drank their behaviour became worse and I really didn't like it, but they didn't drink to excess that often.

Then something bad happened in my life. This person didn't know as they were too busy being wrapped up in their selfish life. When we eventually met up and I wanted to talk about the issue this person spent the whole time talking about themselves and didn't once ask about me. This was kind of the final straw and when they didn't get in touch after another big event in my life I cut them off.

But I still see this person on social media and hear things through mutual friends.

This person now claims that all their behavioural problems were due to drink and since they stopped drinking they are changed. I'm glad this person doesn't drink and they feel happier but I can still see the same behaviour, even from a distance. Drink made this person worse, but did not create the behaviour. Many people in this person's life now didn't know them before 'being sober' and believe they have overcome real alcoholism.

I know alcohol problems can take many forms, and I'm not saying this person didn't have a bad relationship with alcohol but there are people out there who are or were truly dependent and alcohol is ruining or has ruined their lives and the lives of those around them. It annoys me that this person is wearing alcoholism as some kind of badge and is constantly getting a pat on the back from people who don't know any better. It seems so dishonest. And they didn't keep information shared in AA meetings confidential.

Maybe I'll get flamed but this person was not an alcoholic imo as there was no dependency (they definitely weren't drinking more than I knew about), though they are probably better off without drink.

I just wanted to get this off my chest. Maybe I'm being a bitch and this person is amazing.

EsmeraldaEllaBella Tue 12-Jul-16 20:36:03

You don't have to be friends with them? It doesn't sound like you Iike them much, or that they're very nice to you

treaclesoda Tue 12-Jul-16 20:41:02

You don't have to be friends with them, even on social media, and it sounds like you didn't even like them much at the time. Quite rightly so, because it sounds like they treated you terribly.

But sometimes people do change. It doesn't mean you have to forgive and forget, but it is not impossible that she is a better person now.

The statement 'they definitely weren't drinking more than I know about' makes no sense though, because if they were drinking more than you knew about then by definition you wouldn't know about it confused

Maybeimabitch Tue 12-Jul-16 21:05:32

I'm not friends anymore. I see posts via other friends' comments.

I didn't phrase myself very well. I could immediately tell when they had had a drink so I know that most of the time they weren't drinking iyswim.

At the time they were a certain kind of friend and that was fine for then but I realise now I was a mug. I suppose I don't want other people to be taken in. I feel they are taking advantage of people's good nature. Not my problem I suppose but I would like to have the nerve to tell them they are full of shit.

SteviebunsBottrittrundle Tue 12-Jul-16 21:44:35

I don't want other people to be taken in

You aren't friends and that sounds sensible.

You have no idea what their relationship is with other people, so have no idea if they are being "taken in" by them. What on earth are you planning to do about it if they are? Are you going to police this person's relationships for life? It sounds like you have an axe to grind with this person tbh and it would be better all round if you dropped it and hid any posts about them on social media.

And ffs don't tell anyone this person is full of shit. You will come across as really quite bitchy. If you have a problem with them either sort it out or move on. Do try to make other people have a problem with them is terribly unkind and uncalled for IMHO.

SteviebunsBottrittrundle Tue 12-Jul-16 21:45:58

*"to try and make other people have a problem with them" not "do try" blush.

SteviebunsBottrittrundle Tue 12-Jul-16 21:51:24

Sorry if the above sounded overly harsh. I do understand why you aren't friends with this person anymore and it doesn't sound like they were a terribly good friend to you. But that's as far as I would take it.

ChicRock Tue 12-Jul-16 21:54:53

You used his person as much as they used you. Despite you describing them as offensive, gobby and overbearing you still chose to spend time with them. They were fulfilling some need you had, whatever that might have been.

Now you seem almost slightly obsessed with them.

Block this person on social media so you don't haved to see things. If mutual friends talk about this person then make vague 'uh huh' noises and excuse yourself from the conversation or change the subject.

fusionconfusion Tue 12-Jul-16 21:59:58

Why all the gender neutral pronoun malarkey? Were you in an intimate or sexual relationship with this person or is their gender otherwise relevant?

fusionconfusion Tue 12-Jul-16 22:02:00

Also saying you accept someone's imperfections as you understand they are damaged sounds godawful. No one is 'damaged'.

Maybeimabitch Tue 12-Jul-16 22:05:20

Stevie - don't worry about sounding harsh.

This person was a good friend for a night out iyswim. But I have a track record of finding people who are ultimately no good for me because of low self esteem.

I'm not obsessed and rarely think about this person but I saw a post today (as a friend had commented) and it made me angry because of what this person said and the praise they got in response. It's that badge / attention seeking thing. Of course I wouldn't say anything to them or anyone else in RL. That's why I'm saying it here!

Thanks for the responses.

Heidi42 Tue 12-Jul-16 22:07:38

Just be glad you had got rid my dear

Maybeimabitch Tue 12-Jul-16 22:09:46

Gender irrelevant but neutral as this person has so many social media friends it could be identifiable (and it makes it really difficult to eliminate them from my timeline). No sexual relationship!

SteviebunsBottrittrundle Tue 12-Jul-16 22:13:40

I wouldn't say anything to them or anyone else in RL

Ah you see, when you said you wished you had the nerve to tell "them" that "they" were full of shit, I read that as tell person X's friends that person X is full of shit. I'm guessing you mean you want to tell person X that person X is full of shit. Hope that makes sense!

elodie2000 Tue 12-Jul-16 22:18:42

You weren't a mug. People have friendships for all kinds of reasons and you obviously got something out of being with this person at the time whether it be company, companionship, laughter? Who knows but there was something there once.
We can outgrow people and when our lives take a serious turn we reevaluate our relationships. What was once ok becomes annoying, behaviour which could be tolerated is now seen as disrespectful etc.
you've out grown this person so unfollow ( so you can't see FB posts) and try not to let your irritation/ anger get to you. They are selfish and fake and always have been - your perspective has changed and you no longer tolerate this trait so just let them go.

SpiceLinerandHoneyLove Tue 12-Jul-16 22:21:20

Get rid. Move on. Job done smile

GabsAlot Tue 12-Jul-16 22:45:08

some people are just users but just be thankful theyre not using you anymore

yes shes giving the sob story but thats not your problem and like someone else said it will just turn aroundon you if u say something

Even if you knew exactly how much they were drinking,you wouldn't have known if they were alcohol dependent from that information alone. Addiction doesn't work like that.

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