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AIBU not to discuss the safety, advisability, recklessness etc of my pregnancy with others?

(17 Posts)
EreniTheFrog Tue 12-Jul-16 08:08:28

I'm currently 6wks with DC3. I also have a number of quite serious medical issues not usually suffered by women young enough to be pregnant. This pregnancy was a surprise, but not entirely unexpected - and I made that choice after informed consideration, discussion, soul-searching, and prayer. When I was pregnant with DC2, I found that some people came to me to say that they had moral or ethical problems with it, and that I was irresponsible, thoughtless etc... I had a couple of very heated debates about it, and all of them left me very, very upset: it just never proved constructive or reassuring for them or I.

This time around, I think I want to have a firmer and perhaps rather selfishly more harsh policy of "that's not something I am prepared to discuss with you". Given that I do realise that many people are genuinely worried or concerned about me, AIBU?

AGruffaloCrumble Tue 12-Jul-16 08:13:02

I would say it's no one business or right to pass comment except your husbands or DC's.

DeathStare Tue 12-Jul-16 08:27:51

"I've discussed this with my DP and my doctor and I'm not sure why you feel I need to discuss it with you too"

ButIbeingpoor Tue 12-Jul-16 08:53:37

Fuck off, twat.
That would be my response. Im not very good at sensitive diplomacy.

NavyandWhite Tue 12-Jul-16 09:03:21

I think it's hard to say whether those people who commented were out of order without knowing what your serious medical issues are.

Arfarfanarf Tue 12-Jul-16 09:03:44

Who are these people? Im guessing family members?

Tbh i think
It's got fuck all to do with you. Mind your own business

Is an acceptable response to anyone who dares to think they have the right to decide to judgementally comment on your pregnancy

TopiaryBun Tue 12-Jul-16 09:07:11

I incline to ButI's pithy turn of phrase.

A friend of mine who has RA got exactly the same kind of thing when she was pregnant.

DesignedForLife Tue 12-Jul-16 09:09:02

YANBU. It's none of their business.

NavyandWhite Tue 12-Jul-16 09:10:11

There's a lot of information missing from the OP. It's hard to say who is BU tbh.

The people commenting obviously are privy to the OP's serious medical issues.

Are they thinking they might have to help you out with your DC at some point? Are your illnesses going to get progressively worse?

Do you have a partner/H?

Mouikey Tue 12-Jul-16 09:10:33

I guess they are concerned for your health, so would imagine that their starting place is there, rather than wanting to tell you what you should do. Their heart is in the right place, but they probably don't express their concern sensitively or constructively.

However, they are also making judgements on how you came to your decision which, quite frankly is none of their business.

Personally, I think your wording is perfect "thank you for your concern, but that's not something I am prepared to discuss with you".

EreniTheFrog Wed 13-Jul-16 09:07:30

I realise there's info I left out - just trying not to put myself. But certainly, I should have said that I do have a very hands-on DH. I wouldn't have TTCed otherwise. I perhaps also should have said that my family is from a cultural heritage within which MYOB isn't necessarily a moral virtue.

Thank you all though for your support.

NavyandWhite Wed 13-Jul-16 09:48:02

Wishing you lots of luck with your pregnancy OP.

EreniTheFrog Wed 13-Jul-16 10:04:48

Thanks. TBH am terrified too,

NavyandWhite Wed 13-Jul-16 10:10:41

Because of your conditions or the prospect of another baby!

NavyandWhite Wed 13-Jul-16 10:11:10

Sorry that should have been a ? not !

EreniTheFrog Wed 13-Jul-16 10:15:09

Because of the risks. It's why I don't like needing to reassure others I will be OK. It's me that needs reassurance and nobody can provide that.

monkeysox Wed 13-Jul-16 10:19:07

Yanbu in not wanting to think about it but perhaps the people who are worried are family and are worried about you and other dc should something happen to you. Such a hard decision hope all goes well flowers

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