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AIBU to be annoyed

(14 Posts)
sunnymum77 Mon 11-Jul-16 22:58:36

Our au pair is nice and is overall good with the children. However, she has never ever (in the 5 months that she has been with us), asked us a question about us! I am always asking her how she is, whether she had a good day, whether she had a good weekend etc. But she never enquiries about us! She also doesn't ask the children me it is the most natural thing to have a 2 way conversation...if someone asks how you are or how your day was, you would do the same. Especially when I come home from work after a long stressful day, she barely looks up or says hello. I find it really strange, and quite upsetting really. She has been like that since she arrived, and at the beginning I just thought she was shy or maybe uncomfortable speaking English, but I don't think that's the case now! Am I being overly sensitive?

Ifonlylovewouldsavetheday Mon 11-Jul-16 23:02:07

Sounds shy to me, maybe she doesn't think it's appropriate to ask the boss about their day. Could it be down to initial first impressions? Was she made to feel equivalent early on?

She lives in your house and has never asked you a question?! Weird.

FuckJeffGoldblumMan Mon 11-Jul-16 23:03:09

Might just be how she is. If she's good with the kids and you get on I would just give her more time and see if she changes.

AnchorDownDeepBreath Mon 11-Jul-16 23:05:07

She's shy. Help her out - ask her about her day and once she's answered, link it back to your day so she gets in the habit of hearing about your day/you, and learns that it's acceptable to ask you. Shyness and a strange boss-family relationship make this harder than it would usually be!

Lilacpink40 Mon 11-Jul-16 23:07:30

Maybe she worries about bring over-familiar (as she's your employee) and isn't mature enough to understand pleasantries are just a normal part of conversations.

Muddlingalongalone Mon 11-Jul-16 23:09:16

Where is she from? Maybe it's a cultural thing because she sees you as "the boss"
Can you start telling her about your day fairly informally so that she becomes more comfortable & familiar with you?

honeylulu Mon 11-Jul-16 23:09:57

That is weird and discomforting. I used to share my office with a trainee I mentored, a different one every six months. It's natural to chat about your day when you share a confined space. It worked fine until I got a super aloof one. I ended up feeling like I was jabbering away into thin air. Asked about her - monosyllabic responses. Never asked about me. Not even "how are you?" In the end I felt so uncomfortable I almost stopped speaking altogether. Dreaded coming in to our shared office. Was so relieved when she moved on. I didn't recommend her for a permanent role.
Having that situation in your own home must be a zillion times worse.

SlightlyperturbedOwl Mon 11-Jul-16 23:10:40

maybe she's not actually interested and doesn't yet have the social skills to realise that a bit of reciprocal politeness is a good idea? Or maybe her mum is dead nosey and she's sort of transferring the situation to being at your place?

SlightlyperturbedOwl Mon 11-Jul-16 23:13:35

I work with lots of 18-22 year olds and the difference between them at the beginning and the end is quite enormous. Apparent Aloofness can often just be underdeveloped social skills at that age. It's hard work though, I do agree.

sunnymum77 Tue 12-Jul-16 09:13:33

I have been very informal and friendly since the beginning and always just end up telling her about my day or plans etc! It's just very strange but I'll put it down to immaturity, not being confident with English and maybe just seeing us as a place to stay and earn good money without having to invest in our family! It's a shame though as I would have liked to stay in touch or on good terms but I doubt she'll be in touch with us again when she leaves...

Confusednotcom Tue 12-Jul-16 09:18:32

Could you try encouraging her to engage more eg ask guess what we did today? Then get her to take a guess or two ... If she is shy I'd hope she'll be nice about it and play the game, if she's really disinterested it'll be obvious, or perhaps she has a sort of social anxiety?

chickenowner Tue 12-Jul-16 09:20:42

Maybe she's shy or anxious around you, but not around children.

Confusednotcom Tue 12-Jul-16 09:22:22

if she's only with you for a short time longer I'd leave it, but if you want to work on things for the kids sake, you could all go for a meal or shopping together to engage with her on more of a friend's level. Or perhaps she's got major bf or family issues that have made her depressed..?

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