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About my dh - I can't even tell any more...

(22 Posts)
Smellywelliesinyourbelly Mon 11-Jul-16 22:23:29

I'm on lovely holiday with my family, so it's going to be hard probably to feel sorry for me! Although I'm at my wits' end and I can't see this clearly any more. AIBU? Or just completely petty?

Here's the story... Sorry it's long.
Our travel company didn't check us in for our flights and me and dc1 ended up on standby (initially it was just me on standby), which meant 2 hours of phoning around for flights then travelling that evening 300miles by train to get a flight the next day. Dh didn't offer to swap places, he went happily off with dh2 while I had 10 yo on a train with most of the drunk people in England at 11pm on a Saturday night. Not the best experience ever...

However - this is the bit that's really got me. Here we are sailing and windsurfing and whatnot and dc at kids club having a great time - it's a lovely place. Dh finishes class at midday and says his sailing group are having a presentation this evening at 6. Great I say, I'll take dc2 to early dinner so he can get to his kids' movie night at 7.30. At 5pm dh showers and says he's going for drinks with his sailing group. He has form on telling half-truths so I'm genuinely not surprised that it's not a presentation. I take dc2 for dinner etc. Dc1 wants to have dinner with dh and me later instead of with his group which is fine by me. I text my dh at 7.45 (as I've heard nothing from him) that dc1 and me are going for dinner at 8 and he's welcome to join us.

Dh returns at a trot at 7.55 to say you must come for a drink, everyone has partners there. I say no thanks... So this is why I'm p-ed off.
1. He had no intention of asking me even tho others had partners there - wtf?! I would never do that to him
2. He was quite happy to leave me sitting on my own (as far as he knew) waiting for him in our apartment - on holiday
3. He had no intention of coming back and no intention of telling me what he was doing
4. He only came back as he realised he'd have to eat dinner on his own as I still was with dc1
5. He was then Very cross that I wouldn't come for a drink. (This is sort of related - I'm on antibiotics so can't drink (although I'm happy not to drink alcohol anyway these days!) as I had to visit doc for gum infection - we're in Greece, my dh speaks Greek and he didn't offer to come with me).
As it was 8pm and dc1 hadn't eaten and I was not up for doing my usual doormat pretend we have a perfect family stuff I thought I'd take a stand and continued to say no to drinks. He went off and said he'd quickly finish up - and came back at 8.25.
He was pissed off at dinner as I'd clearly ruined his evening. He shouted at the kids when we got back and made dc1 cry for wanting to watch the news.
AIBU to hate this? It's supposed to be a holiday. Never felt so alone, I'd leave right now - this minute - if it weren't for the dcs.

AIBU? Oh god, I hope I'm not.

Optimist1 Mon 11-Jul-16 22:43:21

Why would you expect your travel agent to check you in for your flights?? I get the feeling that your DH has managed to get into the holiday spirit very quickly and you're still smarting from the horrendous journey. You're both being a bit unreasonable, IMO.

icy121 Mon 11-Jul-16 22:44:16

This feels like thesw might be a tips of the iceberg type events.

Is your H generally selfish?

NoCapes Mon 11-Jul-16 22:46:54

This holiday sounds very odd
Why are you all so seperate? Eating seperate lay, someone sailing, someone at kids clubs? Where was DC1 while DC2 was eating?
I'm just so confused confused

DoreenLethal Mon 11-Jul-16 22:47:23

Are you the wife or the babysitter? It is hard to tell.

ABloodyDifficultWoman Mon 11-Jul-16 22:47:23

Also stumped at the expectation that anyone other than yourself would check you in for your flights. How does that work then?

NewIdeasToday Mon 11-Jul-16 22:49:16

You're on holiday. Presumably a much looked forward to holiday.

Use the time to chill and enjoy family time. Why not meet your husband for pre-dinner drinks tomorrow? If you carry on like this you'll make the whole holiday miserable and the person who'll suffer most is you.

NewIdeasToday Mon 11-Jul-16 22:51:06

Also I've never heard of the travel agent checking you in. Sounds like a mix up. Not your husband's fault or yours, so just move on.

Smellywelliesinyourbelly Mon 11-Jul-16 23:03:09

Sorry it's the travel company not the travel agents. It's a package thing but they booked us Easyjet flights as their charters only go from Manchester or London - and Easyjet require that you check in yourself but I couldn't as I didn't book it on my credit card. I followed their instructions and they were wrong. We aren't together most of the time, you're right. Tip of the iceberg might be right too.

IfOnlyIKnewThen Mon 11-Jul-16 23:08:03

YNBU. Sounds pretty selfish to me. You had to go to the doctors abroad in a country where your husband speaks the language but he didn't offer to come?? WTF. His night gets ruined and he takes it out on the kids making one of them cry...that would definitely annoy me.

My husband can be selfish too and you are absolutely right it can be a very lonely place when only one of you considers the other and puts your family first.

Hope you manage to enjoy the rest of your holiday.

HarryPottersMagicWand Mon 11-Jul-16 23:12:44

Sounds like he wishes he was on holiday alone without the burden of having to think about a wife and children. YANBU. It's supposed to be a family holiday. He needs reminding me of that. Or tell him to bog off and do whatever the hell he wants, as he is anyway, and you and the children will sort yourselves out.

serin Mon 11-Jul-16 23:24:59

Do you love him?

ssd Mon 11-Jul-16 23:28:02

sounds hellish, not what I'd call a holiday, or a family

gamerchick Mon 11-Jul-16 23:31:53

I think I would be telling him to do what he wants while you're all away and you'll have a conversation about all of this when you get home and concentrate on having a good time with the kids. They don't deserve to be made upset because their dad is irritated he wanted to go on the lash.

ssd Mon 11-Jul-16 23:32:13

op, you started out saying you are on a lovely holiday with your family, but you sound more like a bunch of strangers who have bumped into each other

why are you all so separate? I do feel sorry for you, no amount of super duper holiday would make up for that, I'd rather have a wet weekend in a caravan where we felt together than what you are having abroad

sometimes reality needs to be addressed and the fantasy of a perfect life needs to be forgotten

NellyMelly Mon 11-Jul-16 23:37:45

He's back in his home land and has forgotten he has a family. Have you thought about planning your own holiday by yourself - leaving your dh with the kids whilst you relax and enjoy.

Bogeyface Mon 11-Jul-16 23:39:59

You are in a "on paper" situation.

Where to the outside it looks like heaven but living it is anything but.

1) Get through the holiday
2) See a solicitor

Bogeyface Mon 11-Jul-16 23:43:03

Oh and he is pissed off that the fact that him turning up on his own has highlighted what a selfish arse he is infront of the his mates, and you didnt save his ass. They will know that he is there with his family and yet left you behind. He made an excuse and then you didnt come along when he demanded you to attend, so his shitty behaviour was highlighted.

Seriously, leave the prick.

Benedikte2 Mon 11-Jul-16 23:55:13

Try to make the best of your holiday with the children -- not quite the holiday you were expecting but try to relax. Still raining on and off here in England!!
Let him get on and do his own thing and hopefully he will start to feel lonely in a crowd and start to pay you and the DC more attention.
After you get home have a serious discussion with him about what happened. I'm not sure this habit of telling half truths is conducive to a healthy relationship -- immature behaviour one expects from a child.
Good luck

99GBPChargeToUseMyPostsJournos Mon 11-Jul-16 23:55:59

Is nice that both your dh's get on so well they are happy to fly together..

Dh didn't offer to swap places, he went happily off with dh2

But yanbu. Sounds like your dh is only interested in what he wants and not what is best for the family.

Smellywelliesinyourbelly Tue 12-Jul-16 11:02:31

Thanks for your responses. Deep down I know what I need to do, I guess holidays magnify everything and give you enough time to think about it. But it's a lonely place so thank you. X
And you're right 99GBP I don't have 2 husbands. Thankfully.

grumpysquash Tue 12-Jul-16 11:19:08

Did DH manage to check himself in for the flight then?

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