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To be getting fed up with no maintenance payments?

(29 Posts)
Pratchettsdaughter Mon 11-Jul-16 20:58:41

My dd's dad and I split up when she was very little - she is now 11. we have both married new partners and have other dc and have always tried to keep things amicable for the sake of dd.
Dd's dad gave up his v well paid job just over a year ago to start his own business and he stopped paying maintenance as he said he wasn't earning any money. To start he said it would only be short term but we are now up to a year with no sign of any further payments. He claims they are living on his savings but they still seem to manage to do days out etc that we can't afford. My dh is v upset as feels it's really unfair.
I know if he isn't earning he's not legally required to pay anything but I feel this is a choice hes made so would IBU to ask him to contribute?

Griphook Mon 11-Jul-16 21:02:28

No yanbu, we'd all like to follow our dreams but don't because we have responsibilities ie HIS dd need to eat.
He can pay you from his savings if it's good enough for him it's good enough for her.

ladylambkin Mon 11-Jul-16 21:08:41

If his business has been running for a year he will have submitted a tax return to HMRC by now. Have you considered opening a case with CMS? They would review his income reported to HMRC annually.

Pratchettsdaughter Mon 11-Jul-16 21:15:31

Lady - hadn't thought of that! I don't honestly think he has earnt anything though, or certainly nothing significant. I have kept a little eye on his business website and it doesn't seem to be taking off brilliantly!

RubbleBubble00 Mon 11-Jul-16 21:23:03

if he's not earning there's not much you can do about it. Take it through cms but you probably won't get much joy, you can't force him to shut down his business and get another job

c3pu Mon 11-Jul-16 21:30:53

It sucks, but there's very little that can be done about it.

It seems that being self employed and lying about income is a very effective barrier to paying maintenance.

thehousewife Mon 11-Jul-16 21:31:08

I have a similar situation. I got fed up with it in the end and went via the CMS, he refused to engage and send his books in etc so they went to HMRC and his bank. He now pays me £250 a month so he was lying through his teeth!! They back dated it so he's £3k in arrears too. It's a battle every month to get the money but it's more than we got before. I know he doesn't declare all of his income so should be paying way more but I'll have to suck that up I guess!!angry

Pratchettsdaughter Mon 11-Jul-16 21:32:27

I think the thing that annoys me more than anything is that he made no allowance for her when he planned. I took some time out from work a couple of years ago and didn't ask him to double his pay,mets as I wasn't earning which is what it feels like he's doing angry

He needs to be paying for his DD. Is his partner married? I'm not saying it's her job to pay for your (his) DD but he expects your new partner to pay for her?

Iaintsorry Mon 11-Jul-16 21:33:45

As other posters have said, if he's not earning, there isn't much you can do. His lifestyle may well be funded by his new partner. CMS have direct access to his earnings and tax records so you could go down that route.

Pratchettsdaughter Mon 11-Jul-16 21:34:13

The housewife - did you know he was earning when he wasn't paying? I feel that he wouldn't lie to me about this so I'm trying to trust him but equally he cheated on me when I was pregnant so perhaps I'm just being stupid about it?

Pratchettsdaughter Mon 11-Jul-16 21:38:13

His wife is earning but he says not enough to cover rent etc. I think he think we're well off but although we are lucky enough to have a nice house it's thanks to dh's parents and in terms of available cash we are really short.

Pratchettsdaughter Mon 11-Jul-16 21:39:43

Peppa - that's how my dh sees it too. I've always tried to maintain a good relationship for the sake of dd but this is now testing my marriage. sad

Does he pay towards uniform etc? I would be inclined to think that he IS earning money and not declaring it to you.

My dad (I use the word loosely with him) earned a fortune but knew how to hide it from my mum. Not sure if the ins and outs but he put the house in his wife's name, self employed etc. He had holidays in Bali but couldn't afford to pay money to my mum so it can be easily done.

Does your DD see her dad? Is his new partner the OW he cheated on you with?

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea Mon 11-Jul-16 21:45:58

Your current husband should not be getting testy at you, that's really low. You have no control over this at all.

CMS is really your only option.

Are there other ways you can increase your income?

And someone who cheated on you is not worth risking your marriage over. Your DD is 11. They are wiser than you think so will probably already know something is up. I clearly remember this age even if it was many years ago now

rjet1245 Mon 11-Jul-16 21:47:50

If it's a limited company, you can look his accounts up on the Government website for free.

EveOnline2016 Mon 11-Jul-16 21:48:43

Why is it testing your marriage. Your dh knew you had a child before getting into a relationship and getting married ect.

I would start a CMS and let them see if he is telling the truth

Pratchettsdaughter Mon 11-Jul-16 21:53:28

He doesn't pay anything at the moment. I'm increasing my hours from September so that should help but secondary school uniform etc coming up which will be a bit of a stretch.

He has married someone he met a couple of years after we split. I don't know her very well but she always seems very nice. I get that she probably doesn't want her money to go to his dd from a previous relationship but I get the impression that she's the one that might be ensuring he isn't paying anything. We had several discussions at the beginning and he made positive noises but said he'd have to discuss with her and then nothing happened.

Pratchettsdaughter Mon 11-Jul-16 21:57:37

My dh has been a fab step dad but I think he is beginning to resent that we can't follow some of our dreams because dd's dad is. He feels I should be being more aggressive with ex but ive always been v keen to keep things amicable. Dd is very sensitive to us not getting on and finds it v difficult and she is my priority.

Penfold007 Mon 11-Jul-16 22:11:26

How often does ExH have DD overnight?

If he isn't earning how is he living off savings? If his wife's money doesn't even cover rent? Unless he has endless savings he is lying

Pratchettsdaughter Mon 11-Jul-16 22:28:14

He has her every other weekend from sat morning to sun evening. He would like to have her from from Friday eve but she always used to get very tearful just because she was so tired so I changed it to sat morning. Sometimes he has her s few days in the holidays or a longer weekend but not that often.
He said they were saving a deposit for a house and that's what they are living off. Not

Pratchettsdaughter Mon 11-Jul-16 22:31:05

Not sure where that last not came from?? confused

Iaintsorry Mon 11-Jul-16 22:37:06

If I were you I would get in touch with CMS. I believe you can even start a case online. Surely he can't have that much in savings and what is his intention for when they inevitably run out. . ?

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