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Party Etiquette? AIBU to be rather cheesed off?

(104 Posts)
CheesedOffChiquita Sun 10-Jul-16 17:23:32

So I hosted a surprise party for a close friend recently, as per a request from her other half. As I wasn't really willing to bank roll a party - at my house too - for a bunch of people I didn't know, I asked people to bring along some food or drink to contribute to the party. Trying to get people to actually confirm they were coming was a nightmare in the first place, and several of them who had promised to come, and bring certain items of food/drink with them, dropped out the day before, or even on the day. They didn't even message me to let me know - they messaged my friend's OH.

In the end I had around 12 people come, out of about 25 invited and confirmed until last minute. One of these was supposed to have brought a certain food (fairly critical to the party theme) with her but turned up completely empty-handed, although she'd splashed out on a new dress for the occasion. She tucked in to the food and drink with relish.

One of the guests was very ill on the day but had sent along the food and drink with one of the other guests, which I thought was very thoughtful of her, especially considering how ill she actually was.

When the party was about halfway through, several of the guests left together but before they did so, they gathered up every single sandwich/cake/mixer/bottle of alcohol leftover from what they'd brought. and took it home with them. I was just shock shock shock as I couldn't believe they would sit and eat/drink everything that other people had brought with them, bearing in mind that some items were more popular than others and so there weren't any leftovers of some things, and then gather up what they'd brought and take it away!

AIBU to be completely outraged at the behaviour of so many of these guests - both before and after the party? I was expecting to send all of the leftovers/booze etc home with my friend, as it was a party on her behalf. I just couldn't believe my eyes; I wouldn't dream of taking things home with me after a party unless it was demanded of me by the host? What is the usual party etiquette?

19lottie82 Sun 10-Jul-16 17:25:20

The chances of everyone turning up and bringing the requested items of food , were always slim to none TBH. Your friends OH should have provided the food.

But leaving with food they had brought, yes, that is UR.

LaurieFairyCake Sun 10-Jul-16 17:25:35

You've got scuzzy friends

Make better ones grin

CheesedOffChiquita Sun 10-Jul-16 17:27:38

They're not my friends, thank goodness! My friends aren't so flakey nor so greedy! grin

Tubemole1 Sun 10-Jul-16 17:34:41

Agree with Lottie. Your friend's OH was too tight to pay for the food? Ffs.

MadHattersWineParty Sun 10-Jul-16 17:36:20

Well, the other week we went to a BBQ that was meant to start around 3. We got there at 4. BBQ clean and out away, nowt left but a few bowls of crisps. We'd bought loads of beautifal meat, lovely steak and burgers etc, and the host just popped it in the freezer and we never saw it again sad

The only wine left was one we'd brought so we drank that! Couldn't bring myself to ask for the meat back.

So no it's not normal etiquette to take stuff home with you IF you've enjoyed other food and drink available. But we hadn't so we were a bit annoyed.

My auntie takes a Tupperware box to parties or weddings where there's a buffet and collects up her lunches for the week. She's not even subtle. Caught her trying to put the top layer of my 21st birthday cupcake cake in her handbag once grin

BalloonSlayer Sun 10-Jul-16 17:40:39

Yes agree the behaviour was rude but presumably the guests were expected to bring a present too. So they were invited to a party and asked to bring food? I kind of understand why they were a bit put out and either dropped out or took their food home, though the latter is indeed rude and crass.

Not your fault of course, but the husbands. Decides to do his wife a surprise party and offloads it all on to you. Did he pay for anything? What a prince. hmm

clicknclack Sun 10-Jul-16 17:50:29

YABU by not saying in the first place "how much do you want to pay for food and drink?"

ThumbWitchesAbroad Sun 10-Jul-16 17:54:51

Sounds like a bad situation all round. Your poor friend! Married to a tightarse who couldn't even be bothered to pay for his own wife's surprise party, and has friends who are just as bad!

YANBU - the only time I have taken stuff away from a party is when I've taken my own bottle of spirits that I'm the only one drinking (happened mostly at student parties, most of the rest were on beer which I didn't drink), my own GF food that no one else wants, or when it's been pressed on me by the hosts. Food for everyone to share - stays. Wine - stays. Soft drink - stays.

Shocked at the barbecue story too - that's just wrong! shock Can't believe you didn't ask for it back, Hatters, since you hadn't actually eaten anything (although I can see it would have been awkward)

Aeroflotgirl Sun 10-Jul-16 17:59:06

I am shock, at the rudeness of some, abosulutely disgusting manners. Why did the other half not host it! Did he want you to pay for everything! Well done op for being restrained, I am afraid I would not be! Next time your asked again, no, I am sorry I can't! Madhatters shock, how awful, that would be a dealbreaker or change how I feel about those friends. The least they could have done, was put the meat in the oven for you, to eat, or tell you that the BBQ has finished and to take the meat back.

milkmilklemonade12 Sun 10-Jul-16 18:04:27

madhatters that is shitty. I'd be cooling that friendship right off, what a bunch of tossers! Also... How fast do the rest of your friends eat?!

Inertia Sun 10-Jul-16 18:06:58

Friends partner should have paid for food.

Barbecue host is appalling!

Cosmo111 Sun 10-Jul-16 18:10:44

Your friends oh should of provided the food. The request for food will of been enough to put the others off which is likely why they dropped out.

MiddleClassProblem Sun 10-Jul-16 18:12:00

Even if he could only host it at yours, he should have provided everything or funded it. I'm more shocked at him. I can understand them want the plates back but not the food in them but some people byo and that's theirs with booze. Not like that myself though (and wouldn't be arsed to carry it home grin)

MadHattersWineParty Sun 10-Jul-16 18:12:17

I know... They started the BBQ earlier than they said but we were travelling a little further. They have a fair few fractious toddlers needing a nap and small children hungry among them, so I guess they just cracked on with the BBQ! As we came up the drive we saw said BBQ all clean and ready to be put away so we knew we were just too late grin

DP wanted to ask for the meat (oh god it was lovely meat!) but I just felt it wouldn't be cool to ask as it was a birthday party...that was his present sorted I guess!

Mrscog Sun 10-Jul-16 18:14:20

Yanbu, but I would have expected your friends DP to have sorted some food/drink, asking strangers to bring food is always going to be a bit disastrous!

Mrscog Sun 10-Jul-16 18:15:52

! At the BBQ - they just have started way earlier than 3 to get it cooked,and cleaned by 4! So rude! I

RosieSW Sun 10-Jul-16 18:17:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MiddleClassProblem Sun 10-Jul-16 18:20:46

How did they cook and clean the BBQ in an hour? Crazy ppl!

Aeroflotgirl Sun 10-Jul-16 18:22:28

Madhatter they least they could have done was saved some BBQ stuff for you as they knew you were coming late, incosiderate and rude.

MadHattersWineParty Sun 10-Jul-16 18:22:59

Gas BBQ, cracked on with it a lot earlier than 2 I reckon- they all live locally to eachother near my hometown but we were coming from London grin we were looking forward to that BBQ the whole way on the train!

Aeroflotgirl Sun 10-Jul-16 18:24:29

Oh god hatter, very rude and not nice tbh, I would think less of them after that, and happy to take your food and not give you anything to eat, that is a dealbreaker tbh. We have a gas BBQ and it takes forever and an age to clean, it still gets dirty and greasy and grimy.

LagunaBubbles Sun 10-Jul-16 18:25:29

Look I get using your house for the surprise party but why on earth didn't your friends DH pay for all the food and why did you agree to trying to round up people to bring food? confused

Serialweightwatcher Sun 10-Jul-16 18:26:15

Madhatter that is so blummin' rude - I'd have asked for the meat back! OP you did well to keep your cool with such selfish, rude idiots .... really your friends DH should have arranged or paid for food, but even still if people are supposed to bring stuff, they should bring what they had decided to and certainly not take it home with them if it doesn't get eaten - some people!!

Coconutty Sun 10-Jul-16 18:26:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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