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To despair of some teens nowadays?

(18 Posts)
rainysunday7 Sun 10-Jul-16 16:42:34

I have brought my DD up to stand up for herself and others when any bullying or nastiness takes place.

She wasn't invited to a party that all of her friends were invited to. It was a mixture of boys and girls. Someone told her she wasn't invited because they wanted the party to be chilled and that my DD would ruin that.

The boys in the group, who DD is not keen on, (her girlfriends make these boys priority over everything and everyone) are very nasty to some of the girls who they don't find attractive and continually make derogatory comments. None of the girls stick up for each other and are ok as long as it is not them being picked on. My DD will respond to these boys on behalf of some of these girls or herself.

The boys don't like this so DD has been excluded from group get togethers. DD best friend went to the party and told DD she had been picked on all night and been called "slag" etc . She didn't retaliate as this would have caused more trouble.

Why do these girls put up with it? Have they not been taught to have self respect?

As for the boys, what kind of parenting have they had they they are so misogynistic and treat girls as sex objects?. They are 16 by the way. Is this normal of teen behaviour? I don't recall it being like this when I was at school.

VioletBam Sun 10-Jul-16 16:50:16

This is nothing new. It was like this for me when I was that age and younger and I"m 43!

Not ALL boys are like this of course...the only way is to continue supporting DD to stand up to them. Little shitheads.

drivingmisspotty Sun 10-Jul-16 16:51:34

Hmm not sure it is that new sadly. Girls wanting to be liked, low self esteem, boys being obnoxious for attention sounds pretty standard teenage behaviour not me. Assume if they are 16 they are just finishing their GCSEs? Hopefully they will grow up a bit when they start college or work. (Although not sure - I knew men who played 'pull a minger' into their twenties shock).

Your daughter sounds fab. I am sure her friends realise she has a true friend their. If not she should shrug them of and find some who are more mature.

rainysunday7 Sun 10-Jul-16 16:55:16

Yes they have finished GCSE's. They have been like this through secondary school and they still haven't matured. They always bullied girls at school about their looks etc

I have two nephews who weren't raised to be like this. Just find it all so sad.

SweetieDrops Sun 10-Jul-16 16:56:11

I remember some of the boys at my school being like that and that was 20 years ago. I was called a slag and asked intimate questions about my body which they found hilarious hmm. I wouldn't be too hard on the girls for not standing up for themselves, I didn't either, I was shy and found it easier to pretend it wasn't happening. As for the boys, some outgrow it and some don't. I actually got an apology through Facebook from one of them a few years later when he realised what a twat he'd been, others I still see around occasionally in pubs etc (small town) and they are still twats.

ghostyslovesheep Sun 10-Jul-16 17:00:37

it's peer pressure, wanting to be accepted, bravado and snipey childish stuff

it's not new

I know you think your nephews and your DD would never ever ever behave like this but I bet they have at least once

I have 3 girls - 2 are teens - all the raising them with self respect in the world can fall apart in the face of high school meanness - but it passes - it did for me and it will for them - the trick is giving them the support and resilience to survive it

Shouldwestayorshouldwegonow Sun 10-Jul-16 17:07:59

To ge Fair op who of us would not cringe at some aspects of our behaviour at 16?

My teen dds haven't encountered much crap like this and I think teens today are actually generally nicer than my day (80s)

Praise and support your dd as you are now and encourage her to look around for other friendship groups.

To b honest if you had highlighted the boys and girls being 14 then I could understand but by 16 most are more mature than this. They all sound very immature for 16.

c3pu Sun 10-Jul-16 17:17:37

When I was at school, the boys who acted like that were the popular ones, and the girls had no time for the ones who treated them with some respect.

rainysunday7 Sun 10-Jul-16 17:26:44

The boys and girls in this group are seen as popular but they are also very much disliked. My DD was always on the periphery as she got on well with the girls but the girls began to change as soon as the boys gave them attention.

She has found new friends now so doesn't really spend much time with them. It's such a shame that her old girlfriends have turned out like this.

CaptainCrunch Sun 10-Jul-16 17:32:38

"popular" in high school isn't the same as "well liked". Many "populars" are loathed and there is very little true friendships amongst these groups, they're NOT representative of most teens, quite the opposite, just empty vessels making the most noise.

rainysunday7 Sun 10-Jul-16 17:39:17

Captaincrunch you are correct, dd has realised not true friendships. No loyalty to each other.

claraschu Sun 10-Jul-16 17:42:58

OP they sound awful, but don't worry, they haven't "turned out" yet. Most of them will be much wiser and nicer as soon as they grow up a bit

LockedOutOfMN Sun 10-Jul-16 17:45:01

Your daughter sounds very wise and mature and her attitude will earn her respect and true friends in time and also, I hope, give her a greater chance of happiness during these tough teenage years. Perhaps she could look for some friends in a different group??

Also you could consider bringing up the issue with the school and see what they are doing to combat misogyny and ensure that both girls and boys understand they don't have to put up with this behaviour. I am a secondary school teacher and would be concerned to hear of such things and keen to tackle them (not promising a magic wand to make teenagers perfect, though...)

rainysunday7 Sun 10-Jul-16 17:52:41

lockedout - parents did bring up issues with the school about this group but they never did anything about it. The boys obtained nude selfies off girls and shared them around. the school found out but just told them they were breaking the law. The boys were well known bullies with parents and the school. The school were useless, they even went on to make two of them in the group head boy and girl & senior prefects.

WorraLiberty Sun 10-Jul-16 18:11:34

Have you posted about this before OP?

I seem to remember a thread almost exactly the same not so long ago.

fatowl Sun 10-Jul-16 19:39:43

I have three DDs (now 22, nearly 18 and nearly 15)

Yes it's normal I'm afraid. Teenage girls can be hideous to each other and fantastic to each other in the same week.
There is not any point in trying to get involved because you will never keep track.
My DD1 recently told me she would not do Y9/10 again for a million pounds. DD3's year group (just finishing Y9) are a nightmare - sexting and bullying via whatapp and snapchat.

But on balance - my dds have been quite lucky, and apart from isolated incidents, they have been in fairly pleasant friendship groups.

I have always told my girls:
Never put a boy you met last week in front of your girlfriends - ever.
Always try to maintain three or four good friends from different groups.
Never put anything on Snapchat/Twitter/FB that you wouldn't want read out in a whole school assembly.

rainysunday7 Sun 10-Jul-16 20:01:46

No worraliberty, seems I'm not the only experiencing these issues!

LockedOutOfMN Sun 10-Jul-16 20:08:09

Good advice from fatowl : Never put anything on Snapchat/Twitter/FB that you wouldn't want read out in a whole school assembly. I'm going to steal that one to advise my own students.

So sorry to hear that your school wasn't helpful, rainysunday7.

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