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How to get my DS (who is 4) to stop crying about everything?

(35 Posts)
insideeeouttt Sun 10-Jul-16 15:42:18

I know 4 year olds can be sensitive. However, my DS is too sensitive. If a friend snatches his toy, he'll cry. If he can't understand his homework, he cries. He cries if he finds his work too hard at school (it's not even work, it's colouring in sheets/letters). He cries when he has to go to bed. He cries if his TV program isn't on, etc. etc.

How on earth do you stop this?

RadicalPessimist Sun 10-Jul-16 15:45:42

Gosh, I wish I knew! My 4 year old does this all the time! She's not even properly distressed really, she just bursts into tears every time something doesn't go her way or is a bit difficult. Yesterday she cried because she put her T shirt on back to front. I do tell her that if she needs help she can calmly ask someone, she doesn't need to cry bug it makes no difference.

RadicalPessimist Sun 10-Jul-16 15:46:02

* but it makes no difference.

Doublejeopardy Sun 10-Jul-16 15:46:14

I found a recipe of sleep and waiting 18 months helped sorry

branofthemist Sun 10-Jul-16 16:00:56

My ds did this. If he was crying over something ridiculous I used to leave him to it and tell him to come speak to me when he calmed down. Then we would talk about it.

Took a month or so but it worked.

He is 5.5 now and only really cries of he is genuinely upset.

WeAllHaveWings Sun 10-Jul-16 16:10:32

Ds was like this, and for him it was not enough sleep. Started putting him to bed earlier and he was much better very quickly.

Footle Sun 10-Jul-16 16:15:56

Colouring in sheets of letters to order certainly is work for a four year old.

c3pu Sun 10-Jul-16 16:20:41

If you find the answer please let me know, mines 6 next month and is still a cry-baby hmm

I'm sure he gets it from me, I beleive I was much the same. 'Ive largely grown out if it now though.

I'm 32...

whatyouseeiswhatyouget Sun 10-Jul-16 16:21:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

catgirl1976 Sun 10-Jul-16 16:21:59

Gah - I came on looking for the answer as mine does this too - sorry

I guess we wait smile

gaggiagirl Sun 10-Jul-16 16:28:03

I'll wait too then wink
My 5yo cries a million times a day over absolutely everything. Even when I ask her what she's crying for she can rarely give a reason for it.

BabooshkaKate Sun 10-Jul-16 16:31:24

Take photos for the Reasons My Son Is Crying blog... and wait it out?

Goingtobeawesome Sun 10-Jul-16 16:38:09

Too sensitive in whose opinion? The world can be a scary place, let them be. Might stress you out and worry you less too.

HerRoyalNotness Sun 10-Jul-16 16:44:46

If sensitive is his personality, go with it.

Mine youngest is similar withhe crying. We're trying had to do the "I can't help you if you can't tell me what's wrong", "yes it is hard but let's just do it" (commiseration) "I can't understand you when you're crying, use your words"

2 years in, it's getting a bit better, but it's a long road.

Noonesfool Sun 10-Jul-16 16:45:25

Your 4 year old has homework 😮


wonderingsoul Sun 10-Jul-16 16:46:48

Personally i wouldnt give attention to it. Ask whats wro gor if you can see the reasons for it id jist say come talk to me once youv clamed down.
Also when theu fall over. If there isnt blood/lump they get a opps get up and walk it off.

VioletBam Sun 10-Jul-16 16:48:04

Time of the year. They're all desperately tired.

Janecc Sun 10-Jul-16 16:53:10

He sounds as if he may be a highly sensitive person. As long as he's not manipulating you and crying specifically to get his own way, I would go with it. It will pass. He's only 4. I don't agree with walking away and leaving him, and at that age he'll never be able to vocalise why (he may not at 10). I wouldn't do it to my DD, who has just turned 8, however much the howling hurts my ears. She cries a lot less these days. At 4, she was crying multiple times a day including school drop off - she's a July birth so one of the younger ones. If I went out for even 20 minutes to walk the dog, she'd be in floods up to about approx a year ago. So even when she'd turned 7 we still had a very specific goodbye ritual.

I have found the best approach for dealing with the crying is to give cuddles and reassurance. As she has aged, she's matured and gets less affected by all the little things in life. This approach has finally born fruit and given her the confidence to not stress these little things and she's learnt to self soothe. We talk a lot. She's really matured and become a lot more emotionally strong enough over the last 9 months - from the age of 7 and a quarter. She finally let me leave her at a 7th birthday party last June (13 months ago). Now she's going on a 4 night horse riding/camping holiday in a month. This is just to illustrate how far she's come in the past year into perspective.

As I said, your ds is only 4. He's nearer to a baby than a teenager and his behaviour will reflect this.

Janecc Sun 10-Jul-16 16:55:14

And asking what's wrong just piles on the pressure even more. Cuddles often enough and let him tell you when he's ready. As long as he knows he can tell you anything in the world, that enough.

LittleLionMansMummy Sun 10-Jul-16 18:27:57

I used to worry about this. I found that patience and allowing him to show his feelings and help him deal with them helped. He barely cries now at 5.5yo and I know when he does that something must really be bothering him. He had a meltdown a couple of weeks ago before school. Turned out he was worried about maths because he hadn't understood the previous lesson. A few days ago he was suddenly inconsolable about our cat who was knocked over and died around 4 months ago. Turned out it was because he'd seen a dead snake on the way to school which had been run over - only then did he really understand what had happened to our cat. Although they can be full of bravado, cheek and annoying habits at 4, they really are still babies in many senses, just trying to make sense of a more adult world than they've previously been used to. They know they're growing up but need extra care and patience to understand how.

MissHooliesCardigan Sun 10-Jul-16 19:44:16

I have an 8 year old that's still a bit like this. It's very slowly beginning to get easier but we can still get 30 mins of full on Apocalytpic tears because he lost a game of Ker Plunk. It's very wearing, you have my sympathy.

Champagneformyrealfriends Sun 10-Jul-16 19:46:45

I was like that - I grew out of it as a teenager. I was a PITA till then though I'm afraid, then the teenage "don't cares" kicked in. Now I rarely cry. Some people are just sensitive-if it's any consolation im emotionally very healthy-I deal with things rather than suppressing them.

joanne2020 Sun 10-Jul-16 19:49:53

I Agree fall for it every summer wondering why kids so grumpy/upset yes light nights not enough sleep hours

Crunchymum Sun 10-Jul-16 19:51:56

Mine isn't quite 4 yet but we have lots of tears here on a daily basis.

He doesn't want a shower = tears
He doesn't want his dinner = tears
He doesn't want to go to bed = tears
He has to leave granny's = tears (she is his wrap around care)
He has to wear his uniform = tears
He can't wear his batman suit = tears
He can't watch Ninjago = tears
He can't scoot to school = tears

(He is at preschool FT but isn't due to start actual school until 2017)

geekymommy Sun 10-Jul-16 20:18:24

I'm 41. Conflict or criticism tend to make me cry. I desperately want this not to be the case, but there doesn't seem to be much I can do about it. Trying to stop just makes the tears flow even more blush

With my almost 4yo, I make a distinction between tears and screaming. I know she may not be able to control the former, but she does control the latter. I try not to demand that she do things that she doesn't control- I remember how frustrating it was for me as a kid to be told to stop crying, and not be able to do it. I might tell her to stop yelling, but I don't tell her to stop crying.

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