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Aibu to be upset that friend asked me for money

(104 Posts)
heartfeltnovice Sun 10-Jul-16 13:03:46

I recently went away for the weekend with a group of friends. One of them had organised and bought the food shop for everybody. I left before the rest of them and as I was packing she came in and asked me to give her the amount I owed towards the food. There had been some email exchange before the trip but no clear instruction how much it would be or how she wanted people to pay. I basically felt cornered to pay before I left. Now I feel offended that she thought she had to do that. As I left early I don't know how it was handled with the others. Am I being overly sensitive? I was annoyed at myself for forgetting to offer before she asked me but now I feel she was a bit too strong in asking.

stoopstofolly Sun 10-Jul-16 13:06:45

You're being unreasonable and a bit over sensitive I'm afraid. You should have offered but it was perfectly reasonable of her to ask you before you left. Speaking as someone who organises a lot of events, getting cash out of people afterwards is always awkward. I think her approach was fine.

lovelyupnorth Sun 10-Jul-16 13:06:56

Were you expecting to eat for free all weekend? Don't see the issue.

StillStayingClassySanDiego Sun 10-Jul-16 13:07:03

I don't think you should be offended.

She asked you face to face, and in my opinion, avoided any future potential awkwardness.

I think you should put it out of your head.

milpool Sun 10-Jul-16 13:08:06

Yes, I think you're being a little sensitive. She maybe just realised she needed to grab you before you left to get the money.

user1467101855 Sun 10-Jul-16 13:09:13

You are upset and offended that someone asked you to pay money that you owed them?
You should be mortified and apologetic for making them ask you, you were leaving without having offered!
You could not be more wrong.

Thelyingbitchandthewardrobe Sun 10-Jul-16 13:09:18

Why didn't you offer? She was probably worried you had forgotten and simply asked before you left.

What did you want her to do?

amithatmum Sun 10-Jul-16 13:10:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rollonthesummer Sun 10-Jul-16 13:10:35

Why are you offended? What do YOU think she should have done?

Lweji Sun 10-Jul-16 13:15:23

I think you should keep being annoyed at yourself for forgetting to offer before she asked.
She could have asked you as you were leaving, but she probably thought it was better to do it before you had all your stuff with you and saying your goodbyes, and away from the others, so it wouldn't be obvious that you had forgot to offer.
Perhaps all others had already paid too.

ABloodyDifficultWoman Sun 10-Jul-16 13:15:32

I'm always amazed when someone who is SO monumentally un-self aware comes on MN to publicly declare that they are a monumentally un-self aware jackass. hmm

Witchend Sun 10-Jul-16 13:16:15

Abloody grin

AnnaMarlowe Sun 10-Jul-16 13:17:06

It is much, much easier to make sure you aren't left out of pocket for shared expenses if you ask for the money at the time. <voice of bitter experience>

It's not clear from your OP why you are upset? Presumably you always intended to pay her before you left?

Was she rude?

purplefizz26 Sun 10-Jul-16 13:17:34


Being the organiser is a pain as it is, why should she be out of pocket on top of doing the legwork?

You sound embarrassed about not paying up, and are twisting it to make her sound bad for asking...

TestingTestingWonTooFree Sun 10-Jul-16 13:20:06

You should be mildly embarrassed rather than offended.

Buggers Sun 10-Jul-16 13:20:55

You should have offered money towards it anyway. How much did she ask for?

DoomGloomAndKaboom Sun 10-Jul-16 13:24:06

I would have paid my share when I arrived.

Imagine how annoying it's been for her, that you didn't offer her the money you owe her, instead she had to come to you to ask for it. Bad manners on your part.

EarthboundMisfit Sun 10-Jul-16 13:24:58

Sorry, I think YABU.

rollonthesummer Sun 10-Jul-16 13:26:14

It sounds like you were hoping she wouldn't ask so you could just not pay!!

LouSavage Sun 10-Jul-16 13:26:50

I don't understand what you're upset about. How could she have asked you in a way that wouldn't annoy you? Or were you expecting not to pay?

Aeroflotgirl Sun 10-Jul-16 13:28:10

Yabvvvvu did you expect to eat for free! Assume nothing, and pay your way. Yes before doing the food shop she should have told you that it will be split however many ways, you will need to pay. Don't be a freeloader op!

Evergreen17 Sun 10-Jul-16 13:29:11

I would have offered to pay/ asked her how much as soon as she brought the food.
A bit cheeky that you were packing and hadnt ask how much yet.
Put her in a very uncomfortable position too, good on her.

gamerchick Sun 10-Jul-16 13:29:51

Really all of you should have tipped up before the weekend started, then it's out of the way. People shouldn't have to ask. Obviously you had the money there to pay so I don't see the problem. Unless you weren't going to pay your share.

StillStayingClassySanDiego Sun 10-Jul-16 13:31:00

Do you have past form for being slow to cough up the readies?

fastdaytears Sun 10-Jul-16 13:32:40

When were you planning on giving her the money?

It's not for her to give you detailed payment instructions- it's for you to say "oh brilliant thanks for sorting that. Cash or direct transfer?". Ideally before you even got there but fairl enough on arrival. But to have got as far as leaving without having paid up....

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